Mon Amour

My world is beautiful,
because people like you make it so wonderful.
when I'm with you this world is so peaceful,
without you my world would have been awful.

I consider myself lucky to stumble upon you,
I believe it was chance that brought me to you,
it is your friendship that I value,
I hope this relationship will continue.

Nothing matters more,
then to see you happy.. Mon amour.
You are the one that I truly adore,
Seeing you sad would make my heart sore.

I care so much.. I can feel your pain,
I once cried for you but never in vain,
I waited for you.. out here in the pouring rain,
If I could.. I'll do it again and again.

You've been part of my world and always will be,
there is something so beautiful in you that only I could see,
I know I don't belong with you and there is no room for me,
I love you so much.. I just wish you could see.

Your head is strong but your heart is weak,
but that's what makes you so unique.
hope one day you will find the love you seek,
trust me when you do... it will be a winning streak.

You deserve the best in everything you do,
Maybe someday you'll be happy with somebody new.
I envy her who is lucky to have you,
Nothing I wouldn't do to be in her shoes.

Until that day comes I'll still be here,
day or night as long as it's clear,
I'll come to you no matter how far or near,
you'll never be alone so no need to fear.

I know my heart will withstand the hurt,
if she does somehow win your heart,
it is then that I shall depart,
if there was a cure for a broken heart...
I wish before the sun sets..
My world will find a way to a new start.

He is Perfect.. But I'm Not!!

Why does everyone say
"The perfect guy is out there.. waiting to find me?"
Is there such a person.. I mean The Perfect guy?..
does he really exist?
I would like to know what is it that makes him perfect?..
is it good looks? does he have nice eyes?
is he rich? does he drive a big shiny expensive car?
does he own a mansion?? or is he a Doctor?

I ask again what is it that makes a man perfect?
is it his great personality? is he funny?
will he make me laugh at his jokes?
is it because of the way he speaks?
or is it the way he makes me feel?
isn't that what every woman is looking for?

Really... does the perfect guy realy exist?
is he going to make me feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world?
is it because he never forgets my birthday?
will he shower me with gifts and flowers on Valentines day?
I'm curious ... still.. what makes him so perfect?

He must be the guy that I've been dreaming of!!
He's the one I write about.. isn't he???
Perhaps one day he will fall from the sky?
I can't believe every woman will find their perfect guy...
WOW!!! what a dream come true...
finally, I'll meet someone made for me
he is out there!!! looking for me???
it's so exciting!!

But wait!!....

why would there be a perfect guy for me?
I am not perfect..
look at me... Im hidious!!
If he is so perfect, he wouldn't want to be with someone like me
I have nothing to offer.. I am nobody!
why would he want me? I don't understand.
will he make fun of me? or am I just a joke to him?

This cant be true..this is a mistake...
it's not possible... who could ever love me?
if he is so perfect.. he must not find me..
I can't let him see me like this..
he will be so dissapointed...
I am not perfect like him...
theres no such thing... it can't be true..
there is no perfect guy for me...
silly of me to believe in myths!
He does not exist!

I'll make an acception!!

It's not easy to explain,
playing with feelings is not a game,
understanding is something we must attain,
trust is something we must learn to maintain.

I am expressive in my own way,
feel free to challenge me one day,
be prepared for what I have to say,
so when ever you're ready let's go out and play.

I care less for tradition and religion,
and I am entitled for my own opinions,
I don't like playing the game of deception,
but that doesn't mean I want people to alter their perceptions.

Not everyone agrees with each other,
just like a quarrel between a mother and daughter,
they fail to understand one another,
in the end they regret for the words they utter.

we can always compromise and give in once in a while,
I want to make every moment worthwhile,
what ever obstacles that may come by ..
I will accept it with a smile.

I don't mind if people think I'm bizzare,
who the fuck do they think they are??
run me down and see if I care,
your sins are yours to bare,
there are demons everywhere,
there is a reason to be scared,
so be careful and beware,
You will see me in your nightmares!

Turn back in Time

If I could turn back time,,
I would have made you mine,
to me.. in every way.. you were so fine,
it's no doubt you were my prime.

If I could.. I would go back to the day,
when the sky wasn't so gray,
when everyday was a great day,
when I was still free to play.

Back then.. we could talk for hours on end,
stories of our lives and future plans,
talking to you.. was time well spend,
you are and always will be a true friend.

It was way back in time.. when I noticed your smile,
so many times my heart stopped for a while,
you and your funny peculiar style,
thats what so great about your profile.

My feelings started to grow much more,
it was getting to strong to ignore,
I didn't want love to be such a bore,
so in my heart is where that feeling was stored.

It was then I learned that I was in love,
and love is what I was deprived of,
It was that time that I really wanted to live,
you are the reason I spared my life.

I wish to go back in time,
back when everything was fine,
it was then, that you were truely mine,
back when the sun really did shine.

The Last Letter...

To My dearest....

I write you this letter,
to say I'm sorry I reacted out of anger,
I wish things would have been better,
I would have told you..if only I was braver.

I am scared to admit,
how my message would transmit,
I don't expect you to commit,
maybe one day I'll tell you.. if fate would permit.

I didn't want you to leave,
I didn't think you would.. I was so naive,
and when you did.. I just couldn't believe,
you stole my heart just like a thieve.

You made me so angry,
I blamed you for treating me so cruelly,
truth is I missed you like crazy,
and I want to be with you so badly.

I waited and waited for you to call,
your name was carved on my wall,
but I guess I meant nothing to you at all,
I moved on hopping never to fall.

You breathe life in me,
You gave me a purpose to live,
You mean the world to me,
if only you could see.

If you are reading this letter,
it clearly means I am no longer here,
my feelings for you are sincere,
I wished I told you my dear.

My heart belong to you,
I surrendered my soul too.
This letter is enclosed for you,
I just wanted to say...
I loved you.

Yours sincerely,
The Girl you once knew...

Loneliness

The sky is gray when times are bad,
it starts to rain when I'm feeling sad.
Thunder and lightning when I get mad,
all this because of a lad.

I thought my heart was healing,
so I played with my feelings.
This layers I have is slowly peeling,
it's making me so unappealing.

A thousand times stabbed in the heart,
My Life has fallen apart.
I need a new start,
before my soul depart.

I put my hopes aside,
all I have left is my pride,
what's next I will soon decide,
pick up the pieces along the ride.

I've driven so far and now I'm lost,
I am not afraid of shadows or ghost,
I promise to protect My World at all cost,
Where is My angel when I need him the most.

Wrap your wings around me,
with you is where I want to be,
if only you could see,
only then would I be free.

Class Of 1995

The year was 1995,
It was the best year of our lives,
we were all in form five,
it's still a wonder how we survived.

Friends are the people we grew up with,
we shared our life stories and created some myths.
Generation X is what we were labeled with!!
SO WHAT.. All we had was our wits!

The experience we had... we share among us,
no one would believe.. if we told it to others.
We were in school but no one there to teach us,
I can't remember... were there any teachers??....

Our attendance in class wasn't all that great,
coz most of us fled through the gate,
the popular spot would be at KFC or the arcade,
that's were we would meet all our classmates.

The boys were disciplined for keeping long hair,
as revenge they dismantle the teachers chair.
They smoked in the toilet and that was their lair,
most of the time they walked out of school to get some fresh air.

Many things happen during school year,
We were competative among our peers.
The girls skip PE class through out the year,
usisng PMS as an excuse and pretended it was severe.

Our homework was given but never completed,
we copied from one person at the very last minute.
all the answers and errors we forgot to edit,
in the end, we got cought... dammit!

I don't recall us studying much that year,
all I could remember was things flew by our ear.
Chalks, brooms, bags, books ... you name it My Dear!,
oh! and some fool blew up the science classroom.. I hear.

There was a huge commotion,
Sadly no one died in the explosion,
NO!! They didn't plan for a demolition,
it was just the wrong chemical composition.

The canteen food had nothing much to pick,
I fished out a cockroach with a chopstick,
it was in my noodle soup and it made me sick,
if only the school had a bloody clinic.

I still hate the canteen cook,
before I ate I should have looked,
I think one day.. I'll write a book,
about the cockroach that was undercooked.

We sat through our SPM examination,
We scored OK and received our certifications,
some of us didn't achieve our parents expectations,
It would have been different if we had more motivation.

We left school that year and said goodbye,
None of us expected how time would fly,
we didn't realize all the years had gone by,
to busy with our own lives I can not deny.

The memories we share.. puts a smile on my face,
we made this world such a crazy place.
16 years later on Facebook.. we finally reunite!!
Let's go out and lepak tonite.

Cheers! Class of 1995 (5A1)

I'm still awake

I stay awake at night thinking about you,
it's because I have nothing better to do.
I can be me.. when I am with you,
nothing I need to do to impress you.

You've seen me in my finest,
you've seen me in my worst.
But can you truely see,
behind this mask.. the real me?

I am ashamed of how my life has progressed,
feel so stress and depress.
What can I do to turn this life around?,
I feel as though my hands are bound.

I can write poems about loneliness,
It's because I feel so much emptiness.
you are my source of inspiration,
but writing is the only way to release my frustration.

I am afraid the darkness will consume me,
but in the dark is where I want to be.
You left me while I was sleeping,
now I stand here alone weeping.

You were the only one who gave me guidance,
now My Life is out of balance.
I feel so helpless and useless,
can't sleep anymore.. I'm so restless.

I wish these feelings would all go away,
I feel no different any other day.
Will I stay forever feeling this way,
Only in My World the sky is always gray.

Secrets!!

I see things most people don't see,
I know things most people don't know,
I can hide the pain behind the smile you see,
I'll smile for YOU My Angel.. even you can't see through me.

I wear a mask and it's a smiling face,
it protects my very delicate base.
I'll smile through all the hurt and pain,
it's no wonder I've gone insane.

I have a secret I can not share,
the burdon is too much to bare.
Secrets are meant to be untold,
somethings are better left alone.

It will remain a crush,
but do not mistaken it for lust.
I think about you day after day,
I even plan sometimes what I want to say.

If you ask me and I lie to you,
it clearly means it's all about you.
Forgive me if I choose not to tell,
it's still a secret I do not wish to sell.

Like a spell I cast buried in my soul so deep,
in my heart this secret I will keep.
You will hear my voice but will never hear me speak,
Kiss me and I'll tell you this secret that you seek.

I dream of Angels

I had a dream that I was an Angel,
mysterious and dark I was in a jungle.
I had huge black wings and it was amazing,
I just couldn't stop gazing.

Another angel fell from the sky,
her screams were horrific as she started to cry.
She was badly wounded and her wings was broken,
was she cast out.. the truth is left unspoken.



The Angel of Mercy who came to comfort her,
she treated the wounds but could never cure.
She shed a tear to the fallen one,
her glow is fading because her love is gone.

The Angel of Grief came along beside her,
sympathy is what she brought together.
Dissapointed she was with the creator,
He who cast down the most beloved into a crater.



I saw many angels as I was dreaming,
each and everyone of them had a different meaning.
They play a role in which they believed in,
the ugly truth is nothing but a sin.



There she was... The Angel of the Broken Hearted,
she came towards me with a bleeding heart.
She wore a red dress the colour of blood,
her wings seems like it was bleeding.. I thought it was odd.

She held out my hand and gave me a heart,
I was scared and wanted to part.
She turned around and walked away,
her dress was white that's what she wore on her wedding day.

I felt the heart beating in my hand,
I refused to accept it but was it all planned.
I asked her to wait but she dissapeared into the night,
There I saw HIM standing in the light.

I could not see his face but he had wings like mine,
he was the one "My Angel" and he gave me a sign.
An Innocent child lay beside my feet,
is it destiny that I am about to meet.



He came to me in another dream,
it was his heart that he came to redeem.
He wrapped his wings around me as he gazed,
it was then that I saw his face.

I knew then what my dream was about,
it was time I found out.
Love... is what I was seeking and I shall receive it,
but from someone who doesn't need it.

In The End... The Lost Angel Of Solitute

Knowing you has been so much fun,
you gave me joy from day one.
If ever my Life could be complete,
it would be having you next to me, My sweet.

It's hard to tell what you are thinking,
when you stare without blinking.
You are different when you are serious,
you know how I feel and you are curious.

I can pretend I do not feel it,
I lie to myself and you know it.
close your eyes and just ignore these emotions,
we might cause a commotion.

Ignore the subject of that time and of that day,
I remember I didn't get to say what I wanted to say.
I'm glad I didn't get a chance to confess,
I would have be even more depress.

No one likes being rejected,
it's like having venom injected.
Dare not risk distroying a good relationship,
what values most is true friendship.

There will come a day when all things will never be the same,
My Life, My world will soon come to an end.
Will you still remember my name if you are able,
believe me when I say this.. "I Never wanted to leave you My Angel"

Still Waiting.

The story of My Life is written in poems,
sometimes even in songs and rhythms.
My world is in a form of art,
feelings for My Angel is only love in my heart.

I've painted a picture,
of the things we shared together.
In that picture.. I expressed my emotions,
I also pledge my fullest devotion.

I've tried to look away,
I've tried but it's been many days,
yet I am still waiting,
here in the dark staring at the painting.

Something is telling me to wait,
even though I know it's already late.
I sit here alone and wonder,
how long will it take for you to discover.

It took me a long time to recover,
but the truth is.. I never got over.
If I have to.. I'll wait forever,
for you to save this dying flower.

Lyrics to a Song

Like the lyrics to a song,
that's how you came along.
Like a happy moment back in time,
life... was so fine.

I knew the meaning of your name,
I knew then life will never be the same.
I see something in you,
must admit I felt it too.

I see you standing there,
Please.. forgive me if I stop to stare.
the sight of you melts my heart,
you are simply.. a work of art.

My Life only means something with you in it,
My World only exist because you live in it.
You will always be the light in my life,
you don't even know how special you are.

This feelings I have,
is sincere and true.
I fail when it comes to love,
I do not wish to fail you.

I'm sorry I keep this feelings from you,
in order to keep it pure.
I fear of loosing you once I have you,
that I know for sure.

I tell myself "Your world is not made for me",
"it is not where I belong".
words and rhythm is what makes a good song,
happy we will be as we sing along.

Key to my heart.

I lay in bed and let my mind wonder,
I miss you so much, my heart grows fonder.
I know I am lost, so lost without you,
this secret I have is all about you.

I close my eyes wishing you are here,
I close my eyes and I see you near.
How sweet it is. .to be with you,
How sweet it is to open these eyes only to see you.

It hurts sometimes to be alone,
here with me is where you belong.
I promise never to leave,
but when I do... it would be the last time I breathe.

I have loved so many,
but never once have I been loved by somebody.
Real love is something I have not experienced before,
could it be you that I have been waiting for?

I know with love comes great pain,
but without pain it wouldn't be love.
I'll continue to love no matter how much it hurt,
Only you have the key to unlock my heart.

All I can do is hope,
All I can do is dream.
I'll go to bed with you in my mind,
hoping some day you will be mine.

The night has come and the stars are so bright,
no matter where you are together we'll dream at night,
Sleep tight until the morning light,
my life, my world, my angel...Good night.

A poem for My first Love.

Strangers we were when we first met,
Young, naive and careless but that's how it went,
It is you who stole my heart,
It was you that made me whole,

I fell in love for the way you made me feel,
you strengthen my weaken heart into a heart of steel,
I lost my world but you gave me another,
you gave me comfort unlike no other.

Every night before I close my eyes,
I see your face and it makes me wonder,
is it me you think of before you close your?,
I guess it's just a thought for me to pounder.

If I had a wish It would be to wake up beside you,
to feel your heart beating together with mine,
To feel your skin and taste your lips too,
how I long to be with you.

Kiss me goodnight before I sleep my sweet Angel,
Say you'll never leave me and I will believe,
Kiss me goodbye before I leave,
give me a piece of your heaven.. thats all I need.

This feelings I have will never fade away,
it's what drives me to live another day,
so remember I love you with all my heart,
I gave my soul to you from the very start.
My Life, My World, My Angel.

Angel Management Team

According to the Christian Bible, angels are the messengers of god.The term angel is found in many religions and is believed to be a spiritual being that carries out gods will and they are the guardians for all living things. Ok great..

So basically Planet Earth is one huge Company... God is the Managing Director and Jesus is the CEO of Heaven Sdn. Bhd. The archangels are the management team and we humans just exist for what ever purpose la.. most of us don't really know why we are here in the first place...

Lets get to know our archangels and ranks shall we??...

Malachim (messengers), general word for angel a.k.a (kiss ass)
Lucifer (light-bearer), angel that challenges god a.k.a (Union Chairman)
Michael (who is like God), performs God's kindness a.k.a ( Personal Relation)
Gabriel (the strength of God), performs acts of justice and power a.k.a (Lawyer)
Raphael (God Heals), God's healing force a.k.a (Panel Doctor)
Uriel (God is my light), leads us to destiny a.k.a (HR manager)
Seraphim (the burning ones), sing and praise God a.k.a (Priest)
Malach HaMavet (the angel of death)the meaning is self explanatory a.k.a (Undertaker)
Satan (the prosecutor), brings people's sins before them in the heavenly court a.k.a (executioner)I'm surprised wikipedia listed him in to the list of angels..
Chayot HaKodesh (the holy beasts)I don't know what he does really but I'll give him a title anyway a.k.a (Guard Dog)
Ophanim (arbits) Astrological Influence a.k.a (Tok Bomoh)
HaMerkavah (the chariot), transports God's glory a.k.a (Driver)

Gosh... no wonder the world is so messed up!! I'll post part 2 when I am free to write la then maybe I'll get to the point why I am writing this post in the first place..

Just Words...

I wrote this post a few weeks ago... but I somehow didn't want to post it... I'm not good at writing poems... when I try to rhyme certain words it just don't sound right to me, so this is not a poem... just words I guess..

We don't always get to say the things we want to, to the people that actually matter in our life. I find it hard sometimes especially if it's a guy, I've tried and failed a few times before. The message that I am trying to convey does not come out the way I wanted it to and end up messing a perfectly good relationship only to be misunderstood. Most of the time I choose not to say anything... and end up writing blogs like these to actually express what I really want to say but by then it's already too late.. I rather feel depress then relieve... very pathetic actually.

I know there is only one shot to make things right but sometimes it's just not meant to be. Sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything. Tell your heart that he was never yours. Be happy for him and the person that he is with. The reason he choose her and not you is because he wants to be with her and not you. If you really love him you would let him go.. there is no point loving someone who can not love you in return. If I had the balls.. which I don't.. I would like to say these words... It may not mean anything at all... like I said it's just words...


Me, I'm scared of everything,
I'm scared of who I am,
what to say and what to do,
but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room,
and never feeling for the rest of my life,
the way I feel when I'm with you.

I'm not supposed to be here,
I'm not supposed to care,
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there,
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do or who you are with,
I'm not supposed to feel this way.. but I do.
from the moment I met you... I knew,
I am not suppose to fall in love with you,
but I did.

All I want is to see you smile,
It melts my heart each time you do,
All I could wish for is just one kiss,
that alone is my only wish,

The sound of your laughter and the look in your eyes,
brightens up my day even at the darkest hour,
I wish I could tell you but sadly I just realized,
I'm not made to suit your desire,

You will always be special and only I will know why,
you will always be the one and only guy,
the memories we have i will not forget,
Every moment we spent I will cherish it till death

I must put my feelings aside now,
and tell my heart to let you go,
but that does not mean I do not love you anymore,
the love I have for you is more the my heart can endure,

you are and always will be My Life, My World , My Angel,
Do not hate me or part from me.. it will cause great pain,
and pain is something I can not bare,
This pain I speak of is killing what is left of me,
I fear it because whatever that is left of me is YOU.