Reflections of 2005

What a year it has been, it didn’t start out as what I’d hope for. I had such a bad year in 2004 I actually expected 2005 to be worst but I’m glad it didn’t turn out as bad as I though it would.

I remember celebrating 2005 New Years Eve all alone in KL while the whole family was in Malacca. I had to come home early because I had a meeting to attend. I remember bursting into tears, I felt so sad for myself because I was continuously being hurt by people. Thanks to all my close friends who had given me a lot of moral support and always been there for me when I needed them the most.

Break up’s
Ending my relationship with the “Egyptian dude” was one of the most wises decisions I’ve made 2005. I guess I couldn’t stand seeing myself being used and abused any longer, it was my mistake, I got too involved in his life that I forgot all about mine. Anyway it’s over and done with I’ve learn from my mistakes and it will not happen again.

Bad experience
My “Jampi” experience ..heheh I suppose it was coming to me when I cut off the relationship with the “Egyptian Dude”, I knew his ex-girlfriend was a “Bomoh” believer, I guess it was personal to her and took it to another level… to get the message across I guess. I don’t care much about the stalking but the one that made me sick for 2 months is a bit disturbing, the medication did not help me for some reason… in the end it was my own believes and knowledge over came it.

Love
Shortly after my bad experiences good things had come my way, friends are reunited and strenght is what I found in a wonderful person. I strongly felt that I was given a second chance to gain back the trust and respect I once though I lost. I happy and it is a wonderful feeling.

Family
The birth of Baby Damien my new godson, he is so beautiful…cant get enough of him, makes me want to have one for myself…heheh if I ever have any children in the future.
It was an honor taking the responsibility to be his godmother.. all I hope for is he grows up to be a decent person and have love in his heart. “The Golden Boy” Damien is the first child to carry my family name, if only my father would have lived long enough to see him he would have been spoiled for sure.

Holiday
I’ve long awaited for a vacation and I finally got a chance to go somewhere, I can still remember The lovely view of the beach, fresh air, green trees, the sand on my feet, cool sea water and a very nice room …. ahhh *heart melts* beautiful… A sight for sore eyes!

School
The school annual get together concert was a blast… the children did so well and I’m so proud of them. I miss those little guys who will be going to primary one in 2006 what a great year it’s been. Cant wait to see how the new batch of children are like..heheh but I’m sure its going to be fun!

IRC
I lost and gained my AOP again in the channel… good or bad?? I’m not quite sure actually. A lot of rubbish been going on. Oh well I’m only there to chat so why bother about them…

Friends
The one thing I look forward every year is Cleo’s visit to KL. She is an extraordinary person and one of my “Breast Friends” heheh. Most of my enjoyable moments is shared with Cleo and The Gang this past few years!
My jie jie Amoi and mei mei Ah Moi.. heheh a party is never the same without you two!
Not to forget my “Semi Breast Friends” heheh Recky, Darthvadai, Madeth, and Bro… it’s not like they have breast or anything but I’m sure they are quite fond of Breasts …hehehe.
Last but not lease my “Bestest Breast Friend” heheh Ozy of coz…heheh without her… I’m like a chicken with no head! It’s true….

Hmmm that’s about it I guess, 2006 is just hours away… I have no plans for tonight.. I guess I will be celebrating online again this year. I’m actually looking forward to 2006, I hope it turns out to be another great year. Today is my Late Fathers birthday... I end 2005 by wishing my dad a Happy 80th Birthday.

Anyway... I got lots of work to do before school resumes. I haven’t done anything yet…. I’ll start next year… oh! That’s tomorrow! Hehe

Christmas Cheer!

Home sweet home…. I’m back after a tiring week. My sister and her 2 daughters didn’t spend Christmas with us in JB this time… her husband had some projects to complete. I took the 2 boys to JB with me. This year’s Christmas was a bit dull because we didn’t spend Christmas together. Normally it’s always a blast and caos!

Anyway, Christmas was just another day for us, nothing fancy the kids played some fire works, hole day playing computer games and their new control cars. My brothers and I stayed up most of the night watching movies…heheh they are movie freaks like me. We kept calling my sister at 3am asking her to come to JB and make us some coffee…heheh.. Everyday we come up with something new and disturb her sleep.

We did a lot of shopping in the evenings, lots of nice place to go and spend money…. I didn’t buy anything though; I was on a tight budget. My brothers and I spent a lot of time Car hunting, one of them is interested to buy another car and the other clown is planning to buy a house that’s worth 2.2Million…hehehe so funny.. he is hopping to strike the lottery to buy that house… his wife says he hardly even buy any tickets, he bough 1 ticket and its over due 3 months…hahah. Clifton sponsored and got my air-con fixed, not bad for an xmas gift :o) its so much nicer driving now… bye-bye sunburns.

We drove back to Malacca on the 27th to see my sister, this time my brother and his family couldn’t go to Malacca because he is saving his annual leave for next year when school resumes. His daughter is going to primary one. I was surprised to see my sister heheh she purmed her hair…she looks nice actually ..heheh. I though of straightening mine but everyone was against my idea of doing so, looks like I’m stuck with the same old look :o) My sister took revenge on my brother and started calling him at 3am asking him to come over and have some coffee with us…hehe.

If it wasn’t for my cousins wedding dinner tomorrow, I would have stayed in Malacca until new year. I regret replying that invitation… grrr! My mother and I drove back to KL late today, I didn’t get much sleep so I slept through the day..heheh. we arrived in KL around 7.30pm. I had a good time entertaining my nieces and nephews and playing with baby Damien. I miss those little buggers a lot!!!!. It was great spending time with the family just what I needed actually. Christmas came and went with the wind, I’m looking forward to see all of them again. I hope they would all come to KL during Chinese new year…. Then we can have our annual family BBQ heheh.

I miss them!

Thank you for a lovely Swimming Sunday

My sister and her family are back in KL again. Her husband got a project here in KL so they will probably be around for 1 week.

Mus got married yesterday, he played a prank on us… he only gave us the invitation the night before his wedding.. hahah he didn’t want us to tease him…. We went for the reception lunch at his parents place. Met his wife, nice lady. Mus looks very happy.. wish him all the best in life and hope he produce more mooses….heheh.

We got back around 2pm I think… got the kids stuff together and went to darthvadai’s place for a swim. The children we so excited, it’s been a while since they went for a swim. As soon as they got there they just took their clothes off and jumped in without waiting for the host! Hehehe.

After swimming we went up stair for a nice shower and a nice hot drink.. emmm what a treat!. Later in the evening, we took a walk to the pasar malam across the street to grab something to eat. FOOD FOOD everywhere…. Tsk tsk tsk… making us greedy only. I think the food that we bought was just the right amount… we all had more then enough to eat and we didn’t waste anything… The menu was satay and nasi impit , char kueh teow, tau fu fa, fried chicken, Yong Tau fu, Rojak buah, Chicken rice *for my nephew*, Nasi Briani *for my sister*, Murtabak and fishball’s on a stick…hehehe wow we ate a lot huh!! Hehehe.

Jessica fell asleep on the way home, the other 3 kids were talking about how much they enjoyed their day and how nice Uncle Darthvadai was…ehehhe. When they got back they told their father all about their day too.. heheh it went on for at least an hour…heheh they were very excited.

Thanks to Darthvadai they had a lovely and unforgettable Sunday, of cause my sister and i had a wonderful time too. Poor thing devilangle had to work… miss her!. Nevermind there is always a next time.. heheh and next time I hope to see Junior vadai in the water too…heheh.

Jessica woke up this morning and put on another swim suit hopping to go for swimming again…hehehe I told her NO! because Uncle vadai had to work…ehhehe. Everyone here says “HI Uncle Vadaiiiiiiiiiiiiii… when can we swim againnnnnnn???? ” heheheh

Blind

Lifehouse- Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive,
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave,
And still I have the pain I have to carry,
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried,

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here,
Never thought we'd be here,
When my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it,
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you'll ever know,
A part of me died when I let you go,

I would fall asleep Only in hopes of dreaming,
That everything would be like is was before,
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting,
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor,
After all this timeI never thought we'd be here,
Never thought we'd be here,
When my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it,
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you'll ever know,
A part of me died when I let you go,

After all this timeWould you ever wanna leave it,
Maybe you could not believe it,
That my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it,
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you will ever know,
A part of me died when I let you go,
And I loved you more than you'll ever know,
A part of me dies when I let you go

I’ve been listening to this song over and over again since Mike sent it to me. it automatically switch me to +jiwang mode.heheh

Obviously this song means something to me. Every time I hear it I feel like it's piercing my heart… I just have to close my eyes and pause for a while. It triggers my memory of someone.

I know reality bites… I just hope it doesn’t bite hard :o). I know my feelings are deep and it’s not easy for me to just accept it and let go… coz that’s not what I want. On the outside I may show that I’ve got over it… but on the inside I’m still bleeding. I don’t believe that I’m mentally torturing myself when I think about my past… I see it as a reminder for not taking things for granted and trying very hard for not letting history to repeat itself.

I value my friendship with people and I don’t expect anything in return… In a way I guess that’s what makes me who I am, but it’s nice to know, that there are people out there who cares for you and it’s nice to be loved. I’m Lucky because I know they do!

This song reminds me of a past experience and I don’t dare think about it actually. I have to admit though it’s the exact feeling I felt years ago when I realized that I lost someone dear to me. There are things I wanted to say, but never got the message across. Never had the chance to express what was buried in my heart... I never gave up on him, I’m glad I didn’t.

Oscar!

Yay!!! I got someone to look after Oscar during the holidays!! I called SPCA, they dont do boading but someone who works there does. she looks after the dogs in her house. I've made arrangements and she said she have space to take him in. I'm so happy now, this lady is a friends of my cousin. At least I know Oscar will be well taken cared of. I'm going to miss him though for 1 whole week.

Christmas Holiday Problems

Every year I have to face all kinds of problems during the Christmas holidays. It’s a never ending story. I never once had a Christmas holiday where I can say “This is the best Christmas of my life” *crap*.

Lets see year 2000, I was disappointed with K, 3 days before Christmas. I felt so miserable it made me sick for 1 week. I left my previous job because of him but I got paid RM11k for leaving which wasn’t so bad la. But the whole time I was on my holiday I was sick, depressed and worried if I could get a job fast!

2001 and 2003, went back to Malacca. I just stayed in the house and didn’t go anywhere… it was so boring I can’t even remember what happen!!! Heheh.

2004, The Egyptian freak Year. It was a nightmare… I will never put myself in that situation ever! I felt like I was running away and hiding in Malacca and JB. My phone was off most of the time. I seriously felt like not going back to KL.

2005… hmmm the biggest problem is Oscar! I tried all the boarding homes for him but all the space was taken and fully booked till after Chinese New Year. Even the pet clinic is fully occupied. I cant sedate him, the journey is too far. I can’t take him to my sister’s house because her neighbors are doing some renovations and they have taken out the fences. I don’t know anyone who can look after him while I’m away. My neighbors are going on a holiday too so I can’t ask them for help. I don’t have much choice. Looks like I will be alone in KL this Christmas with Oscar. I can forget about Christmas this year as well. Unless they want to celebrate it in KL… which I doubt they will want to do that.

Oh well, that’s life I guess. I’ll just accept my responsibilities of being a pet owner.

Over sensitive?? No! No! No! Just overreacted…

I am not upset about the private message thingy anymore. I realize that for some reason who ever this person is… she just wants to stir things up. I’m not going to take it seriously and I’m not going to make an issue out of it. I know it’s not true.

I’m not going on a wild goose chase to track this person down and beat the crap out of her…heheh. Not my style really. I’m just going to let her be… How silly of me to take this person seriously. I overreacted when I read the message, but I’m ok now! :o) I’m happy!

Over Sensitive..

It must be one of those days when everything goes wrong and it messed you up completely. I get that a lot! When I’m at work, I leave my worries at home, somehow that’s where I find peace, automatically it all comes back when I am home alone or driving.

So far I am blessed with friends I can trust and rely on. I am very thankful of their support and understanding. Lately I feel that my private life is being invaded and I don’t like it one bit. It seems like I’m always the target. Some people can be nice to you but what are their true intentions?? No one knows….

IRC is full of strangers, I’m surprise sometimes why these strangers go to extreme measures to stir things up. It upsets me sometimes because I like my private life to remain private. I respect and love the people that are dear to me and I don’t want anyone to barge in and jeopardize everything that I believe in. I’m not the type who wants everyone to know the problems that I’m facing or every detail of my life.. so to speak.

I got so irritated and I’m not normally like that unless I’m provoked. It’s disturbing when people who claim to know you but disguises themselves or hide behind another nick then leave a messages in private and quits before you can even reply!. What’s all this crap?? It’s not the first time something like this has happen, over the years I have encountered so many of this coward acts. I usually ignore these things and just close the private message window, but this one does leave a mark.

I was reluctant to log on yesterday, eventually I did later part of the evening... hoping to see a familiar nick to chat with. My timing was wrong as usual, what went on in the main was just too much for me to read and I just decided to quit… it was rude of me to do that knowing some of my close friends were there chatting with me, I apologies for that. I thought to myself no point being there when I’m over sensitive and tired… the longer I stay the more emotional I’m going to get. I just wasn’t myself yesterday.

The last thing I want to do is worry or upset people.
What do I do? Should I talk about it? or just forget about it? am I being over sensitive?
I really don’t know….