Poem - Just you

I’m really bad with poems.. just writing what I feel.. these are word I put together hope it means something…. it doesn't even rhyme....

I say my prayers before I lay down to rest
Your charming smile melts my heart away
It’s you I think of with my waking eyes
And it’s you that I dream off when my mind is at peace

I think of you every chance I get
I’ve realized that’s all that I have left
Nothing more nothing less
But just a memory of us

As days passes me by
I feel no hate, nor do I feel pain in my heart
The heart still beats in the same rhythm
Because it still beats for you

I’ll be happy one day
May not be in this lifetime
It might be in the next
I will patiently wait until that day comes.

I’m sad today only because I miss you
I’ll wait for you and continue to do so
It’s you that I love
You and no other

These three words I say to you
From the core of my heart
I mean every word when I say
“I Love You”

Books

Here is the list of books I have, if any of you guys want these books please let me know… ok!


Jeffrey Archer – First Among Equals
Martin Gray – For Those I Loved
Larry Collins/Dominique Lapierre – Freedom at Midnight
Catherine Cookson – Kate Hannigan’s Girl
Federick Forsyth – The Negotiator
Agatha Christie – By The Pricking Of My Thumbs
Irving Wallace – The Three Sirens
Brenda Lesley Segal/Marianne Kanter – Aliya
Ken Follett – A Dangerous Fortune
Frederick Forsyth – The Fist Of God
Stephen King – Pet Sematary
Clive Egleton – Seven Days To A Killing
Marilyn French – Her Mother’s Daughter
Ian Fleming – James Bond – Moonraker
Denton Welch – A Voice Through A Cloud
John Updike – Couples
Clifford D. Simak – A heritage Of Stars
Jackie Pullinger – Chasing The Dragon
Joy Feolding – The Other Woman
James Baldwin – Tell Me How Long The Train’s Been Gone
Alistair Maclean – Death Train
Nina Berberova – The Accompanist
William and Marilyn Mona Hoffer – FreeFall “A True Story”
Nancy Taylor Rosenberg – First Offense
Frederick Forsyth – The Odessa File
Irving Wallace – The Seven Minutes
Patricia D. Cornwell – From Potter’s Field
P.R. Reid – Men Of Golditz
Patricia D. Cornwell – Body Of Evidence
Louisa M. Alcott – Good Wives
Nevil Shute – Most Secret
Paige Mitchell – The Covenant
Stephen King – Gerald’s Game
Colleen McCullough –The Thorn Birds
Norman Spinrad – Passing Through The Flame
Noel Barber – A Farewell To France
Alex Haley – Roots
Carrie Fisher – Postcards From The Edge
Sidney Sheldon – The Other Side Of Midnight
Nelson Demille – Plum Island
Doris Lessing – The Grass Is Singing
Anthony Burgess – A Clockwork Orange
Neil Simon – The Goodbye Girl
Arthur Hailey – The Final Diagnosis
Henry Morton Robinson – The Cardinal
Leonard Rossiter – The Lowest Form Of Wit
Micheal Stewart – Keyness and After
John Powell – Fully Human Fully Alive
Douglas Adams – The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy
Lee Raintree – Dallas
Henry Sutton – The Voyeur
Tami Hoag – A Thin Dark Line
David Martin – General Amin
Bernard Shaw – Man And Superman
Baroness Orczy – I Will Repay
Han Suyin – Destination Chungking

Weekend surprise

I had a slight accident on Saturday near by the area where I live. I was reversing my car and so was the guy parked opposite me. He reversed first and thought he could pass me, unfortunately he hit my bumper and dented his car, leaving my bumper with a tiny scratch. He is insisted that I pay for the damages but I refused and told him to make a police report and claim from his insurance, he took my details and I didn’t even bother to try and settle things there. It’s just a waste of time and he is at fault. He said he don’t want to make a report because he will have to pay the summons and the cost of repairs wont come to that much he said “cant you just pay for the damages?”. I told him “Honestly, I don’t care if you don’t want to report coz I’m not paying you a cent, you have insurance for this car… claim it!” I took his details and went off, telling him to let me know if he made the report or not!

This morning at 10am I called him and ask if he made the report… at first he was reluctant to say anything, when I asked him again he just said “Yes”. I was surprised he didnt tell me that he already made the report. I called Azie and asked her to company me to the Traffic police station in Ampang to make my statement. There I met the same officers that handled my accident case 3 years ago. Surprisingly they remembered me and filing the report was a pleasant one, they were very nice. One officer asked if Azie and I were twins coz we look the same, I looked at him.. gave the officer a cheeky smiled and said “Really!”. Another officer came with the camera to snap a picture of my car bumper, another officer told him to take just the car and not me…I told them it’s ok I’m willing to pose for the picture. Just for the fun of it he did take a picture of me.. and said he going to put it on the notice board so they can see me everday.. hahah Azie just stood there laughing. Anyway, the guy who hit my car is at fault and he has to pay a summons, I happily made my report and went off.

When I got home, I was surprised to see the visitors in my house… (my fathers sister) My godmother and her family from Australia came to visit me with my fathers other sister. They will be going back to Australia next Saturday after staying in KL for a holiday 3 weeks. My relatives only stayed for an hour then they left.
They brought gifts and 65 books/novels! Don’t think I can read them all.

I went to Phillip Wain with Azie around 2pm… did some workout and chilled out there until 6pm. Went to Jaya Jusco to buy her belated mothers day gift, then had dinner. She was suppose to hang out with an ex-classmate I was too tired so I headed back home. what a day… I’m so tired!

Dreams

We all dream, no matter if you remember them or not, each of us can have several different dreams a night. Most scientists believe that almost all humans dream with approximately the same frequency. Interesting isn’t it! No matter if it’s a common dream, a nightmare or a prophetic dream. Each dream is unique as the person who is dreaming it. How we interpret our dream and what it means to us is what’s really important.

To understand our dreams better will not only help us understand ourselves better, the hidden meaning to our dreams is can help us give a better understanding. Everything that we dream about is related to us, it’s also a guide to our everyday life. I have a journal where I write down every little detail of my dream. For example the people in my dream, emotions or moods, the surroundings, symbols or marks… etc. I’ve taken a lot of interest to interpret my dreams, I don’t take them seriously, but I take into consideration that this might be something I overlook something. Maybe our unconscious mind knows what’s coming before consciously piece things together.

Over the years I have had many dreams of religious figures, crucifix and even religious sights. I know the dream has some spiritual and moral aspects of my self. I read that a religious figure could represent spiritual wisdom or indication where I would pass judgments about my self or others.

When I was a teenager I had dreamed of the world coming to and end and it’s a repeated dream where it lasted for 7 days. In my dream the:-

1st day I saw a myself as a child, a bright light, people praying, I heard screams and I felt fear.
2nd day I experienced war, people fighting with a mirror image of themselves..
3rd day I saw people I knew in real life and death.
4th day I saw myself looking in the mirror where I saw an older image of myself dressed in black reaching out for me, I remember my left hand reaching out and going through the mirror. The funny thing is my mole is on my left hand but the older version of me, the mole was on her right hand. The tiny detail is if it’s a mirror image then the mole is actually on the right hand!
5th day I heard familiar voices of a man the message was “don’t live up to expectations” the same thing what my father last said to me before he died a year after the dream.
6th day I found myself dressed in black, stuck in a dessert surrounded by all kinds of tomb stones. I was alone and I felt the sorrow.
7th day I found myself in the same dessert with 2 woman and an elderly man who’s face I cant remember. 1 of the ladies in my dream was the lady in the mirror and the other a much older version of her. The ladies were both dressed in black and had long black hair and a similar mole but it was located on their right hand. I remember they giving me a gift wrapped in black cloth I assumed it was a book but I never saw what it was.

The hidden little detail that was the same in every dream was the eclipse in all 7 dreams.every dream the eclipse was taking place. On that 7th day when I woke up from my dream and I witness the actual eclipse take place on the news. At 1st I didn’t want to interpret the dream it was clear to me of what is installed in the future so I left it as that.

After my father died I had regular dreams like being in an open space, white space and on the wall there were weird symbols and in my dream I felt trapped and it was like I was there for weeks. It’s like each time I close my eyes I would end up in that place. There were times where I avoided sleep so that I wouldn’t have to go there again. Eventually I came to understand the writings on the wall and it only seem clear to me what it meant. It did effect me in my real life because I started writing those symbols in my diary no one understands it but me.

I had another dream in mid August 2001 it was frightening, another repeated dream. I dreamed of the everyday life in the city. I saw an accident occur and people were hurt, I saw fire in the clouds, and the surroundings turned to ashes. There was rain, it seemed like blood to me but it was the reflections of the fire in the sky. I saw myself alone again and my dream just ended like that. I tell my mother all my dreams, as usual when she heard this one she just didn’t give it much thought, it’s just another dream. I was seeing Kevin at that time, days later he got into an accident and fractured both his legs and suffered minor burn on his hands and body. Weeks after he was discharged from the hospital, on September 11, 2001. He called me up and asked me to watch the news. My mother and I was shocked! Did I dream of that? It was unbelievable.

I wrote in my blog somewhere in March this year about my dream where I found myself in a boat, in the sea and I found a chapel, inside it I saw an enormous crucifix and the statue Of Mother Mary. That was a weird one because I really felt the piercing knifes through my body when I entered the chapel in that dream. I havent found anything to related that dream yet, maybe i have maybe i havent!

Anyway, I had another dream today. I keep having this images of me in the mirror and when I touched the mirror it felt cold as if I was dipping my hand in water. Behind me there is another mirror, I’m looking back at that mirror and I see no reflection in the 1st mirror. I felt a huge tremble and both mirrors broke. That’s all I remember!

Somehow I feel that’s not the end of it… I will probably have more repeated dreams like ones in the past. We will see how it goes… and I will sure to update my blog on that. Adios!

sad life

I’m back online again… I’m a bit blur, feel like as if I’m using someone else’s computer. I just got my pc fixed after being infected with a virus. All my old programs gone, my most treasured pictures, logs and files all gone. It’s like memory being erased. How sad. I did make a back up file the last time for my MIRC. Lucky I still have those… took me so long to finally get use to PnP.

Ahh the long weekend is here again… it’s not like I was working my ass off or anything like that but I can’t help feeling so restless. It’s been weeks since I had a good night sleep. I’ve lost like 4 kg’s due to stress… well at least being stress will make me a slimmer person. I’m so depressed and so tired.

I don’t feel like going to the gym tomorrow, I think it would be a good idea to stay at home. My aunty will be away in Hong Kong for 3 days, my mother will be staying at her place dog sitting. Looks like another long weekend with oscar again. Need to get some nice VCD’s to watch, tired of all the old ones… been watching those over and over again.
Anyway I’m happy to get my PC back… at least I can hang out in IRC when I have nothing better to do.