Shop Till You Drop!

Hmm it’s just Thursday!!! *sigh*… I can’t wait for the weekend to get here. I collected all my salary today, im so happy… It’s the end of the month our wallets and purses are filled with money to spend… yaaaayyyyy!!! Then again there’s also the bills to pay *yuck!* and for some people … Hutang’s to pay…heheeh lucky I don’t have any.

Tomorrow after work I’m going shopping…. Yes SHOPPING!!! I have a long list of things to buy… new clothes, bra and panties.. hahah , shoes, toiletries, and like most ladies with cash in their purse, I will buy loads of stuff I don’t even need but I’ll buy it anyway because it’s on sale!!!. Yeah!! Damm all those event organizers!!! Why must they plan something as evil as a “Sale” ??? Have they no mercy on us?? We are victims of their evil plot!! Truly…. temptation is the work of the devil!!! Hehehhe

I like going shopping alone. That way I get to spend all the time in the world choosing what ever I want to buy. If I go with Azie, somehow I always end up not buying anything and she will end up spending all her moneyand blaming me for it.. hahah its good in away I save my money *giggles*. I’m the type that knows what I want and if I want it badly… I’ll go out and get it no matter what’s the cost!… but if I cant make up my mind on something then it’s a problem because I can spend hours thinking about buying it or not... I’m sure that will drive the sales person crazy!..heheheh.

I don’t consider myself a shopping addict.. heheh. But I know a few people who are…ahhahah I seen my friend Uma spend RM600 in less then 1 hour walking around Masjid India area only. That’s crazy if you asked me… if I had that much money to spend I’ll probably take 3 days to finish it!.

Then there is Azie again..heheheh if you’re planning to hang yourself watching people spend money on branded stuff then go with her *giggles* Once she ask me for my opinion on a Guess bag… after a long girl to girl talk I manage to convincing her that it’s not worth buying it…. guess what she did??? She went out without me and bought it anyway… SHE bought the bag for RM500 all because she didn’t have a bag to put her stuff to go to the gym! That’s madness!!! Her Baju Melayu metarials are worst… no doubt the materials are very nice but!!! RM75 to RM 100 per freaking meter!! *faints* after tailoring, the total cost comes to RM500… aduiiii sakit la my pocket... ooOoo!! Mati la saper kawin ko Ozy!!!

Shopping with a guy?... hmm There are guys that loves to shop… *aww puts a smile on your face doesn’t it…heheh yes they exist!!* they make lovely boyfriends tho…. Sometimes they shop so much and make us girls look bad!! They end up buying more then us even, both my brothers are like that!, *my ex* Ryan’s got great taste buying things for ladies… especially the jewelleries *winks* … There are some guys who are very impatient… once they got what they were looking for .. That’s it!! they want to leave as soon as possible… and if you still waste time looking for what you want.. they make all kinds of faces, they get angry and start sighing.. they are so inconsiderate!!! I don’t want to go shopping with them!!

There is one person I like going shopping with and that’s Cle0 …we always have a great time at the end of the day. I normally will save some cash so that we can go together. We are moderate shoppers *winks* totally under control.. hahahah *yea rite!!* We buy what we need only *lies* yup like 10 pairs of shoes for Cle0, and loads of bra’s and panties for me…thats all!!! heheh. I didn’t get to go shopping with her the last time she was in KL *weeps* but I hope to make a shopping appointment for her next visit here. Yeeehaaaaa jom shopping Mek!!! Run memek RUNNNNNNN!!! Hahahhahah…

I cant wait for you to come here again Mek.. miss shopping with you la…
Until my next entry… Adios

Life in IRC

My IRC days…. Yes it’s about time I wrote something about it. I started chatting when got my first personal computer that was given to me by my cousin Jeremy, he bought a new one so he gave me his. Before that I never chat on the internet.... emmm never even heard of it actually.. hehheh * yes I was pretty blur then* I didn’t know head or tail how it all worked… Technology and marie is a bad combination… I still suck! Anyway my cousin Jeremy installed MIRC and introduced me to the KL channel. It was so boring then he told me “you want a naughty channel?? wait I'll show you” i was like... "em ok" obviously someones been visiting notty channels.. ehem...

Ah! yes.. it was #klsex and thats how it all started... I used the nick IceGal, ravendoll, then later changed it to xXx_gal25 just because i saw Vin Diesels movie "xXx" I used this until I turned 26 hehehe had to change the age.. so i dicided to stick with xXx_gal78 isntead and been stuck with it ever since *winks*

Out in the real world among the people I interact with is my family members, relatives, my working colleagues, besides Azie and Kevin… I have no other friends they have all dissapeared or just don't want to be friends anymore…Why do I log on everyday? What’s so interesting about #klsex? hmmm the answer is very simple… “My Friends are there”. Being in a so called sex channel may give most people the wrong impression but the way I see it… it’s not all that bad there ARE some good in it heheh…
IRC has opened a whole new door for me to explore and meet new people. I’ve met so many interesting people and some I would even call my best friends. Friends that I can hangout and coming back home at odd hours and not get them into trouble.. ehehhe. Anyway I’m proud to say that I have really great and supporting IRC friends and i can certainly depend on them if need someone to talk to. I know that they are sincere and genuine people. They are the kind of friends I don’t intend to loose. I seriously cant afford to loose anymore... it sucks...

Not to exclude all the other types of people I have encountered over the years…
Here are the list of all the other types of chatters on IRC:-
~Enemies - oOoo yeah I have those too… keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer!!~The Smart ass- Oh! the daily idiot! Yup the Fire stone! batu api heehe.. always have to butt in a conversation and put in a stupid remark that will piss everyone off.
~KPC - the busy body, always wants to know what’s going on with other people .
~Attention seeker – heheh self explanatory
~Advertisers – real desperado’s, mostly sicko’s even. They will advertise just about anything you can possibly imagine. Trust me.. you saw the add at klsex 1st!
~Stalkers – huh!! I hate those bastards.. Fuck Yeah!!!
~Cock Teasers – these are the people that will make you high, horny, hard and excited then suddenly “oh! dinner time… gtg bye” then Quit: and there are some of these people who make empty promises but don’t deliver.. like for example arrange blind dates but never show up!! They probably hiding somewhere to check you out first…
~Blur chase – people who don’t know anything. Talking to them is like talking to the wall…
~Horny people – No matter what you say sounds horny and kinky to them… yes means yes and NO also means yes. Tomato means NO! I think… hmm
~Shawn Micheals – damm how did he get in this list??? Leave My rat alone!!!!
~Frustrated Red Neck – watch how they react when you don’t reply their private messages or reject their offer! Next thing you know you’ll get all kind of shit in the main channel. “*nick* is not a girl , it’s a guy” “ your fat and ugly” “ bitch” etc… etc… etc…
~Mysterious guy/girl – have you ever come across this person b4?? He/she knows everything about you and you know nothing of them!
~Mr/Miss Popular – everybody want to chat with them…hhehe everyone knows them *wink*
~Abang nicks – heheh we all know what the Abang’s want… yup! you guessed it right.. they want to win the Abang of the day award!!!! Yehaaaa


Heheh I hope I didn’t miss any… well feel free to add some.. hahahah
Adios

Can YOU cook??????

That’s one of the many questions people would ask if they have any interest knowing you at all. I’ve been asked this question so many times. My mom is well known for her cooking.. each time I have any dinner functions, she will cook at least 7 types of Portuguese dishes. Some of my friends and relatives will always ask me which dish I cooked... usually I’ll point to the salad! Then they give me that look and say “ that's all?? can you cook?” and I’d say “Errr yeah of cause I can…” *sigh* yea rite!!! I can cook rice and fry an egg... I make a killer rice and fried egg with kicap!!! duh!!

Each time my mother cooks, all I do is cut the vegetables :o/ . As long as there isn’t any creepy crawlies found in the vegetables of cause, if there is…. I’d just leave it and run away… *geli la!!!* My mother doesn’t like it when I go into the kitchen if she’s cooking because I do things half way. She wants to teach me but I still haven’t found the interest to learn, eventually I will but not at the moment. It’s not like I can’t cook at all… I can but very limited dishes.. mostly western food, no curry, sambal or gravy stuff… I’m quite good at making western dishes though… I find it easy because it’s not too messy, no hot oil flying here and there… I can’t stand the hot oil flying all over my hands. *ouch!!*

You know what all the “Orang dulu dulu” will say…. “If you don’t learn how to cook.. how u going to fill your husbands stomach?”, “Must learn how to cook… if not your husband lari ooOo” hmm… *raise an eyebrow* ok great now I have to learn how to cook to please my future husband… or *smiles sheepishly* I can just marry a chef and he can cook for me…muhahhaha or marry a guy who can cook... see! simple solution to my problem... plus I find a guy who can actually cook Impressive!

Before my sister got married she didn’t know how to cook at all except for frying an egg!. I remember the first few times she cooked for her husband…hahhah the look on his face was so funny, there was definitely something wrong with it but he told her “Emmm so nice” then he looked at me and whispered softly “If I say not nice .. I wont get to eat anymore!!” hahah so sweet he lied just to please her, but my sister heard every word.. she just laughed. After that my sister learn how to cook from my mother, she use to call everyday from Malacca to ask for recipes and when ever she comes to visit us in KL she would always be in the kitchen with my mom. Now, *after 14 years married to the same guy…hahahh*, she can cook all the Portuguese dishes my mom thought her and some taste better even!!!...

When I’m ready I will take on my mother’s cooking skills. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy eating the food that’s on the table…. Hmm so anyone want to try my cooking?? Heheh I promise you wont get food poisoning, just don’t ask me to cook any local food.. that’s all!

The menu is :~
Home made mushroom cream soup
Sheppard pie
Toss Salad
Pasta Supreme
Roast chicken
Ice cream with kiwi sauce

Muahahhahahahah … I will do all that one day… just not sure when!! Until my next entry… Adios!!!

My best Buddy!!!

I feel that being a good friend, we have to carry a big responsibility. I know my friends are there because they choose to be there not because they are forced to. It's not like I have a knife to their throats *hides the dagger* .

I wouldn’t want to burden my friends with any of my problems but sometimes it makes a lot of difference to share what we feel inside and just let it out. Even when we don’t show our true emotions, a real friend could sense something’s not right and ask you “What’s wrong?” It wont kill you to talk about it.. it helps!. There are friends who are willing to listen, they may not be able to solve all our problems but it certainly makes us feel a bit better knowing that there is someone out there that understand what we are going through. It eases our pain and lightens the burden we carry. There are times when our friends may not be there for us but that doesn’t mean that they don’t care about us. What makes a really good friendship is understanding each other. I would definitely trust my life with my best friend I don’t expect her to do the same for me… but deep down I know she does.

I use to be the type of person who likes to be miserable, carry the weight on my shoulders, worry bout my problems all the time, prefer to be lonely and separate myself from society and people that showed a lot of signs that they sincerely cared about me. I would just put on my everyday smile, my happy go lucky act and pretend that I have no worries at all… most people who don’t know me usually fall for it. I guess it’s because I don’t want people to feel sorry or feel pity for me. I didn’t feel that it was ok to talk about my personal life with people I’m close with. I wasn’t confident enough to open up and actually talk about it.

I learn from Azie how to be more open-minded about how I think and feel. I’ve known her for 7 years but we became close friends for 5 years now… she is totally the opposite of me… I remember the first few months hanging out with her.. my goodness she would just pour out everything… yes I mean EVERYTHING even about her sex life… hahahah I was shocked!! and even more shocked… especially when it’s my turn to tell!!! heheh. I normally have answer for everything but with her, half the time I’m speechless…. She manage to crack the shell that I was in, eventually I did tell her my life story in the end. I gain her trust and she gained mine. We are 2 different people, can you imagine…we never agree on anything ... how can 2 people who have nothing in common get a long with each other so well? I still can’t figure that one out… *blur*

Take shopping for example.. hhehehe she’d show me a girly looking shoe and say “ awwwww look so sweet” and I’d roll my eyes and say “ ewww.. so gedik”. Then I‘d show her a sexy looking pair of boots and she’ll rolls her eyes and say “whateverrrrr” *giggles* so funny. We can never agree with our own taste but always compromise and end up buying something in between that suits both our taste. I like black and she likes white. She loves chocolates and I don’t fancy them much, I have patience she doesn’t, I'm very calm.. she is hot tempered... I’m the slow driver and she is the F1 racer Azie Shumaker, the list of differences goes on and on non stop. *giggles*

We do enjoy our simple lifestyle lepaking at the mamak updating the status on what’s going on in our lives and work. Azie is very direct, aggressive and prefers not letting people get away with things so easily, I’m very optimistic, I prefer to make things simple for myself and others. Sometimes we can’t really agree on the advise that was given.. our point of view is never the same, in away it’s good because you see the real picture…it’s like getting a smack at the back of your head. “Don’t think in the box.. burn the damm box!!! What u doing thinking in a box for… you crazy???”…lol..

Every year Azie never forgets my birthday, she is always the first one to wish me and as usual every year I forget hers…. :o/ . She celebrated her 27th birthday on Sunday 19th June. I called her on Sunday asking if she is coming over my house or not but didn’t realize it’s her birthday. She called me on Monday and said “Thank You for wishing me Happy Birthday” I was stun “Ooh shit!! Happy Birthday!!! When was it???” heheheh she knew I’d forgotten her birthday just like ever other year… I’m so predictable. I keep getting confused for some reason …9 and 19… June and July…. I don’t know why… hmmmm. I hutang Azie dinner at Friends restaurant and a birthday gift *remembers to buy something Gedik… ewww not my taste* Anyway HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY!!!! *sings for Ozy Kozy* “Happy birthday to you, you were born in the zoo, with the lions and monkeys and you look like one too” hahaha

I realize that it’s important to tell our close friends how important they are in our lives. It may seem weird to say “You know I care about you right?”… he/she might not react to well and end up saying “You ok or not?” or “err ok!” or “Why all the sudden so emosh??” or “You Crazy??” hahaahah...but it's ok... at least I can say it and it will not have a double meaning ok.... I've even told Jason once "If I didnt love you I wouldn't care about you" and I meant that as a friend and he was cool about it.. which was great... coz he was one of my closes friends when we were working at RSM.

Not forgeting all my other friends that’s been by my side for so many years like Tom, Mike,Cleo, Chris, Nesan, Angie… You guys are simply wonderful… Love you guys! Muahhhhhhh….

The Many Roles I Play...

Being a kindergarten teacher is not as easy as it may seem. Our everyday life’s is full of challenges, knowledge, fun and laughter. For the children we are what they want us to be… their teacher, mother, sometimes father, pet, maid, chef, friend, clown, driver, actor, doctor, lawyer, judge… you name it, THAT’S US!.. for half a day their care and safety depends on us. We have a responsibility to shape and mold the children to be decent human beings that will one day do their part to make a difference in this world.

Every last Friday of the month, we would have a swimming and birthday bash. It’s a fun day because the children don’t have to do any school work.. it’s just basically a day of FUN FUN FUN!! .. hheheh. We started the day with playing the “Freeze game” in class, I would normally make them freeze for a long time until someone across the room complains “Auntyyyyyyyyyy why so longggggggg????” heheheh… but they enjoy it and will always ask me to do that again..

We made a farewell and birthday card for one of my student whose last day is today. She is going back to Holland on Monday.. I’m really going to miss her. Her mom brought a cake for the whole school and we sang her the “Happy Birthday” song in 3 languages. She was so happy though out the day and was so busy telling everyone she turned 4 years old and then one of the so called “Johnny kid a.k.a the bad guy from the other class” says “So what!! I’m 5!!” But smart little Aysha replied “oOo well I’ll be 5 years old next year and I’ll have another cake to blow”, then Johnny no.2 just had to rub it in and say “ well then he will be 6 years old and you will still be 5!” my god some children are so competitive. I just had to butt in and put an end to this argument before one of them cries. Aysha also brought cookies for her friends. Since it was her last day of school, I made her the “Class Leader” so she gets to be first for everything and she gets to help me in class. She served us chocolate chip cookies and what yummy cookies they were ..hehehe.

After the snack break I changed all of them in their swim suits. We went down stairs for swimming… yay!. Four of my students couldn’t go for swimming because they had the Flu so they watched Barney instead.. *grins* yes Barney that perky purple dinosaur I hate so much!! Anyway, I was out side with 9 screaming children in 1 pool…heheheh a bit hard to control. As usual I have to turn myself into a Life guard, I normally lay out the safety rules and regulations before they get in the pool!! “ No pushing, No fighting, No drinking the water, No dipping your head in the water, No dipping your friends head in the water, No jumping, AND NO!! shishi’ing in the pool!!!” and each time they get in the pool I’m not surprise they do the totally opposite of what I said!. I got in the pool with them and just stood in the middle while they circle around me. Of cause I didn’t swim if I did they will have no space to move around.. heheh

From a Life guard I turned into a clown, after swimming we went back to the classroom and it was story time!! I magically transformed into the Big Bad Wolf.. hmmm and the 3 little pigs and their mother!!. It’s not easy putting on a show like that when you’re the only one acting all 5 roles… Anyway the children enjoyed the story as they burst out laughing. Then the unexpected happen a new parent popped in the class with the principle and saw me with big black ears, furry paw slippers, with a pink pig’s nose on… pretty embarrassing BUT the show must go on!!!

After the story, I turned into their parole officer and made them line up like a choo choo train… to wash their hands before having lunch. Somehow the water play didn’t end in the pool.. the children always seem to get themselves wet, there will always be 1 “Johnny kid” who will splash water at all the other children. Then the complains comes in, it takes at least 10 minutes to handle the situation and calm everyone down and get them seated at the table.

After that episode I magically turned into a waitress and prepared their lunch!! We had chips and sausages, this is the only food that they will eat quietly, enjoying their meal and licking the tomato sauce off the plate hheheh… they also had chocolate cake with strawberry icing and decorated beautifully with smartie * yum yum* and like Cinderella I had to do all the cleaning up after my mean step brothers and sisters.. yes, all 13 of em!!. They always manage to get more icing and cake on their clothes, hands and faces, then in their mouths… As a part time Indonesian maid *proudly says* it is my job to clean them up and have them looking like clean little angles when they go home. That is if they have spare clothes!

And when they have all gone home to their respective parents, I am left with an empty, quiet, messy classroom to look at. No matter how messy it looks… it always puts a smile on my face knowing that it was a great day and inside this room is where all the laughter, joy and happiness is. It’s a place where I love to be and I can imagine being here for a long long time, Happily ever after!

The end!!

Cuti Cuti Malaysiaaaaaaa~~ ehheh

Have you ever felt so tired in your life that you just want to go far farrrrr away from where you are right now??? Well… That’s how I feel… I love my job and I look forward going to work everyday.. seriously I do!... but emmm I think my energy level is pretty low and my stress level is extremely high *giggles* I need to recharge…

I can’t remember when was the last time I actually had a vacation or did I even have one in the first place??? Most of my school holidays I had to spend time with my sister and her children and I always end up being more tired then usual…hhehe but I enjoy their company at least I don’t feel lonely and it’s always nice to be surrounded by love ones.

I always loved the beach… or anywhere close to water… emmm a pool will also do. I normally feel so relaxed and happy when I’m surrounded by water… hmm that explains why I’m so happy each time I take a shower. I can day dream like nobodies business when I’m in the bathroom.

I remember going on a company trip 8 years ago to Langkawi Island for 3 days and 2 nights. That’s the first time I ever been on an Island, it’s so beautiful. I stayed at Tiara Langkawi and the view was amazing it took my breath away several times... The hotel was great. Most of my colleagues went shopping while I was sitting under a tree, enjoying the view and the fresh breeze. I did a lot of swimming, and walking on the beach and island hopping.. hehehhe the weather was great, the water was so blue or was it green... hmmm anyway the speed boat ride was so much fun… I enjoyed that the most.

My room mate was out most of the time.. I would only see her when it’s bed time. So basically I had the room all to myself. The first night my group went for karaoke… it was horrible!!! Oh my god!! The singing still haunts me till today!! There were not many night clubs to hang around except for one dangdut club. We had nothing better to do so we just went in and checked the place out, we ended up enjoying our self’s. My friends and I gelek-gelek like crazy and we even attracted a lot of Uncles!!! *giggles* I had this that i wasnt ready to leave Langkawi, i was very sad. When I got back to KL, I kept o thinking about it for weeks, it was simply beautiful. If I ever get married I want to have a beach weding in Langkawi... if that dont happen then maybe If I die I want my ashes to be scattered all over the langkawi beach... seriously.. someone please remember this!!! it's important!!!

Anyway, I still have that feeling that I want to go back there, it’s that peaceful feeling that I’m craving for… I wish to go there again some day… I say it as if it’s millions of miles away.. and its impossible to get there ... heeheh. Sometimes it seems that way, so far I never made plans to go there again, I would if I have the time and money of cause.

Two years after that the company that I was working for had another trip to Penang… that was a memorable one because all my closes friends went on the same trip, we stayed at Shangri-la, Komtar. What a busy busy place… I did a lot of shopping there, was so tension cause had to buy so many things for my relative in KL. I went on a tour and visited all the places of interest. We also went for a swim at Shangri-la Rasa Sayang… ahhhh The beach so nice…we only spend half a day there, it was fun buttttttttt the feeling was still not the same. Oh Langkawi!! I miss you!!!

I’m so sleepy it’s time to dream now.. until next time…Adios!!

What a day!! **yawns**

I attended the Childcare professional Appreciation day seminar at the Summit on Saturday. I had loads of fun and gained a lot of new ideas how to make learning fun for children. I won 5 tickets to Water World Malacca and 5 tickets to Animal Safari Malacca…. I don’t know what to do with the tickets… I might give it away… it’s up for grabs!!! People.. 1st come 1st serve or better still why don’t we plan and go *WE as in Ratty, chris, vadai, Mel and who ever willing to go*

I also had a loads of fun on Saturday night, playing the official KLSEX game “ Stick Holes and Balls”. I was out with Recky, Pikachu, Chris and Mel.
Recky gave me some tips how to aim better, I learn how to get the colored balls in the hole and not the white ones…hahah I think I can aim better now but still I haven’t developed any skills.. yet!!…. heheheh just Luck! Talk about white balls.., hhahah pikachu so funny, at the beginning of the game already I put the black ball in the hole… hahahah I looked at pikachu and said “ lets pretend the black ball didn’t go in and carry on with the game” hahaha he looked at me and said “ok, the one with most white ball in the hole wins!!!” guess who won??? MEEEEEEE hahahahah 1 black ball and 5 times the white ball went in 5 times ..hehhehe

After the game as usual we headed to Lotus to eat, all of us were very hungry, especially me!! We al had something to eat and drink… lepak there for awhile and chit chat some more.

I was so tired the next day, didn’t have enough sleep and had to go to church for my godsons baptism. My family and I went for lunch after church… I was practically falling asleep while eating my banana leaf vegetarian rice. When I got home I had to bath the dog, then set the tables, wash all the glasses and prepare everything for the dinner party. Luckily my mum didn’t invite so many people… I was sleep walking, I felt like a zombie. After waiting for all the guest to go home, I had to help clean the place up and wash the dishes. By the time I hit the sack it was 2:00am… mannnnnnnn was I tired I slept like a baby. Woke up at 6am because the dogs were barking so loud plus I had to wake up to go to work.

I had a good day at work today but I’m so tired, too tired to write long blogs la.. I need to take a nap before I go for my therapy session later…hehehe.
Until next time Adios..Muah!!

Dance Classes!

ok for those who are interested to take up dancing lessons,

you can contact the people at Club Century Paradise Taman Melawati for further details.

its price range is about RM80 for club memebers and slightly higher for non members...

emm below RM100 la.

The date not confirmed yet but its either Thursday or Friday 7.30pm to 8.30pm or 8 to 9pm.

Anyway, th class havent started yet.. but i hope it starts soon la.. because im pretty excited to attend the classes, need i remind you?? heheh the teaches very sexy la..hehehehh

Shall we dance??? :o)

Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to be either a musician or a dancer. I love music and I have a passion for dancing. My father always encourage me to do what I want, so he sign me and my friends up to perform for the public, it was the Festival San Pedro in Malacca 1985. The song we chose was Venus by Bananarama, there were 6 of us and we practiced everyday after school. I choreograph all the dance steps and everything was going well and the days were getting closer.

Finally the big night had arrived and just an hour before the performance 2 of the girls backed out. I remember threatening them “ I wont friend you anymore!!” but they didn’t buy it. So it was just down to the 4 of us, we were the youngest group to perform that night. When we stepped on stage the crowed cheered and supported us, they cheered so loud until all of us got a stage fright including me… we panic! Hahah…. But as soon as the music started we just danced. Some of us forgot the steps due to the shock hehhe and some was just dancing away. We had a great time and the crowed was so supportive.. hheheheh. As soon as the show was over we all ran out and my dad bought all of us an ice cream, then we just sat there and enjoyed the rest of the show… it was a fun experience.

As I grew older, I use to watch a lot of music videos so that I can learn the dance step. I use to invite my classmates to come over and dance just for fun but none of them were interested. When I was 14 years old, my mother bought me a guitar for my birthday. I was very serious about music I even started writing my own lyrics. But I suck at playing guitar :oP heheheh so I just continued dancing :oP

Once I started to working I met a few clubbing “kaki’s” heheheh “Secret Place” is where I was every Saturday night, I met a lot of people including some of my ex-boyfriends, I was very daring and I use to flirt with everyone and drove them crazy… thank god I grew out of that. Anyway my main purpose was to go there and dance my ass off and I enjoyed every minute of it, I use to dance on the podium each time I go there. Hmmmm … Wait a minute I still do that!! Hehehehhe . I really love dancing, I went for the trial Latino salsacise today…heheheh what a workout!! The teacher is very sexy.. he did give me a compliment he said my body is very flexible… oOoo *blink blink* but sad to say he doesn’t have any FURR you know what I’m saying??? Hehehe …. I might join the class if they have it on a Tuesday because that’s the only day I’m free. I would like to go for the ballroom dancing but unfortunately I don’t have a partner for that, so cancel!! Cancel!!

Until the next entry… Adios

Father's Day

Fathers day is coming soon… it’s that time of year again where we pay tribute to our Dearest Dad!! My father was my world, my role model, my friend, a man I truly admire, respect and love very much. He was a very patient, friendly and kind person, he would always offer help to those who are in need. Money was no object to him, he gave most of my cousins *from my mothers side* a good education and good jobs. But sadly they grew up to be very ungrateful people, I will story about them later!

We moved to Malacca in 1983, I was only 5 years old then. My parents renovated and extended my grandfather’s house and that was our new home. when i was 8 years old, my father had diabetes and later was diagnosed with stroke. His condition was quite serious he was 60 years old and retired. My mother spent everything for his medical bills and because we were not wealthy anymore those who my father once helped give a good education and a bright future, turned their backs on us. He didn’t want to continue his treatment because the cost was too much and he was more concern about the family. A good education is something he took very seriously and that was his major concern. I remember him explaining it to me “some pain we just have to live with” it didn’t make sense to me then but it does now.

We were all still in school then, my eldest brothers aged 16 and 11, my sister 13 years old. My father looked after us while my mother worked in a restaurant. We had a lot of fun with him, he made sure we all finish our school work, go out and play, come home and take a shower and clean up the mess before my mother got back from work. Even though we were not RICH!!! We had loads of fun, life was so much simple then at least that’s what I remember.

My father use to tell us stories when he was a child and he always shared his memorable experiences with us. He had a great sense of humor and he always made us laugh. He loves cars so much, he use to talk about his racing experience all the time, the way he says it’s like I can really imagine what it’s like as if I was there. I remember he would take us to the beach every Sunday without fail and he will drag all my brother’s friends to come too, they were very close to him and treated him with respect like their own father. 10 of us in one car hahaha… like in the circus!! I remember my brother’s friend passing air in the car and my father screaming “My god!! Who farted?? Smell like a dead RAT!!! Get out of the car!!!” hahahah… we joked about it every time we go to the beach…. and somehow ironically one idiot will fart every time!!

My eldest brother moved to Singapore 1988 to work and help support the family *he was 17 years old*. A friend of his recommended a good job, he continued his studies there and has been with the same company ever since then, my father was so proud of him. That same year my aunty offered my mother to work for her and move the family to KL. My sister decided to work at a hair dressing salon, also with the intention to help support the family. I was 10 years old and the lifestyle here was so different for me and my brother Clifton, I felt out of place the whole time as I was growing up because I was so attached to my father. I stayed at home and looked after him while all my friends were out playing. I always worried if I left him alone something might happen to him or he might fall.

My father was my best friend, my brother and I would do all kinds of things to him when he falls asleep on the sofa. We would painted his toe nails red, tie him to the sofa, or tickle his ear.. he would wake up laughing and saying “You 2 have nothing better to do??” heheheh he’s so cool. We played hide and seek once… and it was his turn to hide, he made us count to 200… my brother and I was arguing coz we kept loosing count, we got fed up and decided to play something else, after an hour we realized that my father was missing.. we looked all over the place and couldn’t find him… we both panic!! I opened my room and notice his feet sticking out under the bed… heheh he fell asleep waiting for us to find him, our laughter woke him up, we helped him up and he said “I should have asked the 2 of you to count to 1000!” hahahah

My sister got married at an early age. My father’s condition had worsen he couldn’t stand or walk very long with out any assistance. My brother gave my sister away at the wedding ceremony and I was the bride’s maid at 13 years old. My sister and her husband moved to Malacca and the year after that they were blessed with a baby girl. I remember seeing my father cry when he held Jamie in his arms the first time “My Granddaughter” he said…, he was so happy and the joy of that moment still makes me cry up to today. He used to wait outside each time my sister or brother comes to visit us. I remember my mother asking him to come inside and he would just refuse and say “wait la!” …heheheh my father use to brag how proud he is for both my brother and sister.

When my brother Clifton turned 17 he also went to Singapore to join my eldest brother, there he found work as a technician. My father missed him a lot it was so different with out him, he use to do all kinds of silly things to entertain us.

I was 14 years old then, I use to walk to school everyday and hurry back when school is over. I worry about leaving my father at home a lot, my worries distracted me. I would go home… prepare some food and have lunch together. I would chase him off to sleep so that I can clean the house before my mother came back. She normally comes home at 5pm and then cook for my relatives who lived near by. My mother loves to cook but it made her very tired and I pity her so much but that’s another story!. During this time my father had a second stroke and this time he was weaker then before and he hardly could walk. He soon occupied the room downstairs and that’s where he spends most of my time watching TV. He use to enjoy having his breakfast in bed every weekend, I would surprise him with coffee, juice, eggs, toasted bread and bacon. As I grew older he used to tell me about his life and what he has achieved over the years. He spoke to me about his real family. That’s when I found out that he was adopted and his real mother is Japanese and father is an Indian. He didn’t want to find his real parents because he was happy with the family who raised him. They loved him so much and gave him everything he needed. Then it strikes my mind “no wonder your brother and sisters look so different!!” heheh he just laughed. He told me his father made his family promise not to cry but to celebrate his death, right then he said “ I don’t want none of my children crying for me also, I want to die in peace” I got angry and said to him “ don’t talk rubbish la.. you’ll live forever” I didn’t want to accept the fact that death comes to all of us.

My sister had another baby boy, Glenn was born on the 9th of July1994. My sister, Glenn and her daughter Jamie who had turned 3 years old, would come often to visit us. That same year my father had suffered a 3rd stroke, he was bedridden and lost his speech. That was very stressful for me because I thought of nothing but him when I was in school.
Every morning before I go to school my mother would feed him breakfast and I had to rush home to give him a bath, change him and feed him his lunch that was my everyday routine. In November my father suffered another stroke attack and he refused to be admitted in the hospital. My father’s nephew who was a doctor came to see him and put him on drips. I had to learn how to change it because no one else dared to do it. For 1 week my father relied on drips it made me so sad to see him like that. We had prayer groups coming every night to pray for his recovery. Both my brothers took leave from work and took turns watching over him at night. I over heard my mother, sister and brother’s talking downstairs they wanted me to stop school to look after my father, I was so angry and shouted at them for thinking so negatively, I told them that he will be ok by the time school resumes. They just kept quiet because they accepted the fact that he is not going to recover. Part of me didn't want to leave school because of my friends..I went upstairs to change the drips... my father looked at me and cried, my heart melted as I dried his tears. I soon accepted the fact that I had to sacrifice my education for him. The 7th my father had regain his strength and he was off the drips.. it was like a miracle, my brothers gave him a bath and my mother changed him... I went upstairs with his dinner and was about to feed him. My father looked at me and smiled, he tap on my lap and said “poor thing” he said it so clearly I smiled and feed him his dinner. That evening my brother had to go back to Singapore he pleaded to his superior to give him 2 more days leave but it was denied he was forced to go back. Before I went to sleep I prayed and thanked god for his recovery. I was woken up the next morning by my mother saying that my father had past away. I had the worst shock of my life, I walked into his room right next to mine and saw him sleeping so peacefully. I didn’t shade a tear some how I felt that he is at peace. I called my brother Clifton and broke the news to him. He was so angry he fought with his superior and left the company. I remembered what my father said to me and it seems he told everyone else the same thing too, not to cry at his funeral. As I was saying the last prayer on behalf of the family, my eldest brother started crying and soon all of us broke down into tears and just poured out our hearts. My mother cried so much, we were strong for her we laid him to rest in Malacca 10th November 1994. My father died at the age of 68 years old. My life has never been the same after that… I miss him... still

In loving memory of “Clifford John Fernandez”
Happy Father’s Day

Blast from the Past... memoriessssss:o)

I was looking at some pictures taken during Cle0’s gathering at Starbucks, Bukit Bintang few years back… wayyyyyy back when I first met her, Recky and matt-wallace. I still have the picture of Recky and me on my desktop *wink* and the one with all 4 of us framed up.

Looking at it really brings back a lot of good memories. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Cle0 was waiting for me at Starbucks dressed all in black, while waiting for the rest to show up, we just started gossiping hahahh the biasa laaa memek and me…. Shortly after that, from afar I saw the most sexiest looking rodent in KL walking towards us… heheheh Recky looked just like in the picture he sent me.. it was FURR at first sight, then came the night in rusty amour matt-wallace. Cle0 had to go to 7 eleven to buy some stuff and took matt-wallace along. I was left alone with the FURRy one, who could resist the FURR??? I couldn’t … I had to reach out my hand and raba raba his paw a little and said with p-l-e-a-s-u-r-e “oOoo FURR!!” we both laughed. It was so funny, I felt like I’ve known him for years. Cle0 and matt-wallace returned shortly after that and we had a really good time getting to know each other.

We had organized many gatherings after that, and got to know really nice people…* and bad ones too hahahah shhhhhhh!!!* Ever since the OP split up, where some Ops had gone over to the dark side… there has been some kind of friction in the chanel, it hasn’t been the same but then life on IRC goes on… although I do miss people like Teddy and Shady in the channel.

The new gang however is “The Best” we some how manage to paint the town red each time we go out hahahh.. what a bunch of happy go lucky people… yes I am talking about YOU!! *me points at YOU* the Dancerholic Mel, Queen keypad Chris, SMS kingVadai ane and The most FURRiest one of them all.. the one and only.. who’s name speaks for it self! Reckless Rat!!! Hehehehh *smooch*
Not forgetting gang members outside of KL area S1lent Mike * aka addict & stimulus* and my future lesbian partner that is, if I don’t get married by 80 years old… Cle0 hehehe * call 1-300-888 HornyOp for a sample of the most hottest phonesex in South East Asia and some say in Canada too!!*

Life is great with wonderful friends like these… muahhhhh!!! Love you guys…Times up!! I got to go to work now.. Adios!!

The Bitter Sweet feeling.

S1LENT SAYS

“ A bittersweet feeling fills me as I type this, thinking of the right ways to comment about a thing that has gone so wrong.Bittersweet why? Bitter because I feel the pain that still resides in your heart, sis. It's the same way I felt when you confided in me a long time ago about this.But bitterness makes us appreciate the sweetness so much more. This is an apt line. A smile comes to me, because your writing about it, sis, means that your heart is still alive, and slowly but surely it is healing.Time does not heal everything. I think I have told you that before and I am sure that is something you already know. Time however, allows us to look back in our past, and as time passes, we slowly are able to accept things as they are. To see those moments with open eyes, to be truly able to appreciate it. To realise that we have lived through it and it has made us the people that we are. A reminder that we feel, and we are alive. No, time doesn't help us forget. To forget that we are human, would mean that we forget what it is to be alive. Time helps us to look back and then look ahead, with a smile. Even though it's bittersweet, it's still a smile.I know that day will come for you, sis. And I'll be glad that when that day comes, I'll be there to see you smile again”.

Your bro.

Awww!!! That’s the most sweetest thing anyone could say and it means a lot to me. I really appreciate it. I think it hurts because I was never open about my personal life before. And the closes people I have told my story to are the people I trust my life with and I’m glad I have friends like that.

I do believe that time can heal the scares from the past but some things takes longer time to heal. My past was nothing but one tragic moment after another. I’ve seen how real the world can be and I don’t under estimate the things people are capable of doing. I know life isn’t always fair. I experienced reality at a very young age and I’m actually grateful because it’s made me who I am today. I don’t ever want to take the little things for granted anymore because that’s where mistakes are made. No one is perfect and mistakes happen, the best way to deal with it is accept it, correct it and don’t repeat it :o)
It’s not easy to admit our mistakes and to say “I’m Sorry”. It’s hard I know but it’s necessary.

I’m still waiting for time to heal all the scares, I don’t wish to forget my past. I do surround myself with people I trust and love very much and these people play an important role in my life, so far I am able to set all the pain and bad memories aside. But once in a while something will trigger it back on gain…. heheheh bring it on!! It does make me sad for awhile but I don’t stay that way for long. I’m too concern about what happening now. “when will I be smooches again??” “How long will the smooching last next time??” That’s what’s really on my mind!.

*Giggles* hehehe Adios !!!

The first cut is the deepest...

After work I went to the book store in Ampang Point today to buy some books for my nephew. As I was browsing around, I was quite sure I saw *my first boyfriend* Daryl’s cousin there. I went over and said “Hi” to him, he was surprised I still recognized him. We went for a drink and talked about stuff. Shaun is married now with 2 children Justin and Tinamaria. Our conversations lead us back to the good old days. It brought back a lot of memories especially about Daryl. He told me that the last time he saw Daryl’s parents was at his wedding dinner 6 years ago, and his sister is now studying in Perth. I had to cut our conversation short because I was actually rushing for time, but I promise to meet up with him and his family before they go back to Australia next week. After meeting Shaun I started thinking about how I met Daryl, it was exactly 2 years after my father past away, I already left school and was working at Royal Selangor. Daryl is nice guy, tall and handsome... He manage to fill that emptiness in my heart. He gave so much of his time and attention that I felt special. Daryl reminded me so much of someone close to me during my schooling days (My crush). I think it was because of the resemblance that I actually was interested in him. Daryl shared his dreams with me. He was so talented, I still remember the first performance we had together. The experience was “WOW” so amazing. I still remember how he looked like, a striking resemblance of Sebastian Bach from Skid Row, I can never forget that face. He was living that Rock N Roll life . I’ve always had this calm and peaceful feeling when I was with him, but at the same time my heart was troubled, I was confused with my feelings.. I knew how he felt about me and I knew about his dilemma about his parents wanting him to give up music and further his studies over seas. He was so confident that he could convince them to let him pursue his career in music. I knew, that sooner or later he will have to give in to them... He was good to me, at that point in my life I was so fragile.. I had someone in my heart that I just couldnt forget and I missed him. Daryl gave a lot of his time to me.. months had past and he proposed to me and promised me a future together.. I didnt give him any response. I wasnt ready to settle down. It was a very confusing time for me. How can I marry Daryl when I've already given my heart to someone else?.. Besides his parents didn’t accept me. They told him I was bad for him. His anger consumed him and Daryl changed for the worst. He became so frustrated with his parents.. He was depressed and it turned him into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Daryl took his anger out on me, at one point I feared him and felt so helpless.. I knew I couldnt stay in this relationship anymore. His drugs and drinking habits were out of control.. he was physically and mentally hurting me. My worst fears had come true, I lost him.. Time flies so fast and it’s been 9 years since Daryl past away. I never had the chance to say goodbye or settle our difference. I still have the ring he gave me on my 19th birthday, just to remind me of him. I blamed myself because I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.. I tried to help him with his addiction and depression but he pushed me away like he did with everyone else too. I do not like the idea of people I care about leaving me or dying... I get so angry, I wish I could express myself but I just don't know how... I found all kinds of ways from writing songs to art... I admit I have lost all hopes to start a new serious relationship with anyone, not anytime soon. Although I heard it a million times people say “You should start dating again and get married” or “You should settle down and raise a family of your own” or “get married with a rich man so you can live an easy life”.... it's not that simple.. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone I love and respect. Not someone with loads of cash. whatever lah!!!

The Stalker strikes again!

My brother just left and on his way back to JB. He came to KL just to attend the baptism rehearsal for his 4 month old son and 5 year old daughter. The house is so quiet now, I’m all alone again and my only company is my greedy dog Oscar and my sleeping mum.

It looks like the stalker isn’t finished with me yet. I received 8 miscalls on my mobile phone when I checked it this morning. What annoys me is that my mum informed me that last night when I was out, there were a few silent calls made to my house phone. Normally I would lower down the volume. But I was in the hurry last night to go out, I forgot to do that. The phone kept ringing in the middle of the night. It kept my brothers baby up all night crying. I wonder when all this will just stop. If this person has some issues with me why won’t they just say it??. Do they find some kind of enjoyment annoying me like this?? I mean what kind of a sick person would go this far?? I can’t recall having at least 1 good night sleep since all this started. I get so worried each time the stray dogs outside starts to bark, I’m becoming so paranoid. Sometimes I just lay in bed till its time to go to work. I’ll be so tired and sleepy like on Thursday morning, half way playing pool and I’m like so beat and practically sleeping with my eyes open at the Lotus with Recky and Chris, even when I got home I still kept myself awake. The next day I had to work, came home late and then drove back to Malacca around 4pm. Lucky I was wide awake and was talking to my sister all the way back.

I am so tired of all this, my work is not done and I’m not in the mood to finish it. I feel like I’m all alone to deal with this, the silent calls I get all the time. Should I change my number?? Is that the only solution to stop all this nonsense?? *sigh*
I really don’t know.

10 years from now???

Where will I be in 10 years time?? I think everyone must have come across this question at least once in their life time. I find it interesting because I haven’t given much thought about my future until last night when Recky asked Mel and I, my mind was pretty blank all I had to say was “To be alive!” Heheheh… that’s the only thing that cross my mind.

I can’t imagine seeing myself in 10 years time. How would I look like? will I have a children? who’s my future husband and what’s he like? Oh my goodness.. I am not prepared for all that… I’m enjoying my life with my good friends and people I love. I don’t want to plan for my future because it is uncertain to me and I don’t want to worry about it because I still have to deal with what’s going on now. I live by my day to day experience and I see where it takes me, I know I will go as far as I can.

There is so many things I want in my life and I know I can’t have. So many things I want to do but I haven’t done yet. So many things to say and never had the guts to say it, dare I dream???… hmm I really don’t know. So many things I haven’t accomplished yet and so little time.

10 years from now is a long way to think about, the past has gone with no regrets, the present is here now, live life to the fullest and just make the best of things and hope everything turns out the way its suppose to!!

Got to go now… have to get ready for my Godsons christening rehearsal...*MUAH* until my next entry Adios..

Stalkers!!... hmm

Few days ago, I met an old friend of mine. She just started her new job the reason she quite her old job was because a guy was stalking her. It seems he works in the same building. She spoke to him once and after that he started to wait at the bust stop for her after work. At first she didn’t realize it, after that when she started working late and to her surprise he was still there at the bust stop waiting. She felt uncomfortable and walked the other way to get a taxi, the next day he came over to her office and scolded her in front of her staff. She was embarrassed and freaked out at the same time. She resigned from the company because she was getting silent calls on her extension and he continues to wait for her.

I have a quite similar experience but in my case I have no idea who it is. Two months ago, I went through a tough break up with someone I consider a very close friend. Our relationship was totally misunderstood by everyone that knew us. Anyway, the stalking was not done by my so called “ex guy friend” but I suspect it’s either his ex-girlfriend or the girl who caused the split up. I had my fair share of silent calls at 3am and through out the day as well. I kept disconnecting the line before I go to sleep at night just to avoid waking up in the middle of the night, but that didn’t solve the problem. A few days after that, my mother received a phone call from a girl asking for my hand phone number, when my mum asked who it was she said she is and old friend from college, now I never went to college, without realizing it my mum just gave her the number because she was so busy in the kitchen. When I got back my mum told me a girl called and she gave her my number. That night itself I received a call on my mobile phone, it was an unlisted number, when I answered the call I could hear there is someone else on the other end. I was so pissed and said “ if u have something to say to me.. just say it and be done with it!” it took the person a while to reply but eventually she did reply “You’re a bitch” I thought to myself.. hmmm thanks for reminding me, then I just switch my phone off.

This continued for more then 1 month on and off I still get calls early in the morning.. but I just don’t bother answering it. But that’s not all, during this time I also had people put rubbish on my car right after I came back from clubbing at 4.30am, I was in the shower when I heard all the dogs barking, when I went to see what was going on outsides I saw this huge pile of rubbish all over my car… I didn’t know who did it, I was so angry and frustrated I had no choice but to clean up the mess there and then. Same thing happen the week after when I came home from clubbing at 4am, someone scribbled some nonsense on my wind shield with permanent marker pen, I didn’t notice it till the next morning when I wanted to go to the market with my mother. One of my friend told me he saw a tall slim woman standing next to my car and another woman in a kancil parked beside my car… at first he though it was my friend then he notice her writing something on the wind shield… he just gave a loud shout “WOI!!!!” and the woman just jumped into the car and they drove off in a hurry. It took a while to get the stain off. My friends kept advising me to make a police report about the disturbance, but I didn’t. I didn’t want my mother to know what was going on and I didn’t want the police showing up and gathering information about what happen. Few weeks after that my brand new car tire was stabbed, again I didn’t know who would do such a thing…

Since my friend went back to Egypt at least I think he did, so far nothing else had happen. I’m just to tired to think of all this and I don’t want to make an issue out of it… let these mentally ill people have it their way, I don’t care as long as non of my friends and family members are harmed. I’m glad I still have friends that I trust and understand what I went through, I really do appreciate all the moral support I received from them to get my mind off all these things that’s been happening…

hmmm.... Time is almost up for me, got to go to work. Until next time….. adios **Muah!**

*slaps myself* I have to remember to type something before I accidentally hit the enter key.. I will try not to make so many mistakes.. have to use both hands and all my fingers to type next time..hahahah

I dont want to wear black to work anymore!!!!... I decided to have a more colourful appearence in my everyday life. This morning when I opened my cupboard I saw nothing but black outfits. Seriously, I dont even have to choose just pick one and wear it.. makes no difference at all.. so plain and simple.. I use to like being plain and simple but I feel its not working out for me anymore.. Its becoming plain and BORING!!. It's great for going out clubbing but not for work... I do have a few nice ones, like the one I wore today a red low cut V neck blouse and a long side slit soft pink skirt..ehheeh My colleagues were shocked and the amount of compliments I received today was overwhelming... Of cause most of them were looking at my boobs they have their own but they were still checking mine out! hahah.... One of my students said I look like a princess.. awwww so sweet!! I liked what I had on today, it really made a difference on how I look and feel about myself. Anyway, a more colourful appearence means more shopping needs to be done..hahah Im loving the idea already. hmm I might as well get some shoes too!.

I cant wait for the school holidays 9th to 24th July, I wonder what Im going to do with all this time, I will continue therapy for the 1st week though because I still have to go to school for summer camp Its fun so thats not to bad. I plan to take the 2nd week off.. I might go to malacca for 2 or 3 days to bother my sisters life if I have nothing else to do here.. other then that its Home Sweet Home and IRC oh! IRC!!!...

Thats all that for today.. Im missing someone sooo much right now hahha.. time to dream!! yaaaaaaaayyyy!!!!

my first post... wazzuppp???

Helluuuuuuuuuu readers!! thank you for visiting ravenmarie.blogspot.com .... this is pretty exciting actually, i finally have something else to do then staring at an empty wall!! its about time actually.. I think i have lived in a shell long enough... I would like to be more open about my life and my feelings.

I do feel like i have lived my life to the fullest but then again there is always more to it. I have had my fair share of dissapointments and bad experience in the past but I have no regrets, somehow I always manage to land on my two feet, learn from my mistakes and improve myself. There are so many things I would like to do with my life but honestly, i never had the chance to do it or I never dared to try. I know I'm not THAT adventurous!!!! I fear so many things... fear of heights in particular, getting lost and frogs and bugs and and aaaaaaaaand.... hmmm hope I can overcome all that.. I wish! help! help!

Anyway, I hope to post more interesting and juicy stuff about whats going on around me.. hahahah untill then adios!!! muahhhhhh!!!!