Future plans…something like that!

A lot has changed in the past five years. One thing I noticed I HAVE CHANGED!… when I left my past behind, I left myself behind as well. Did I do it for my own sake or did I do it for others… I’m not sure really. Hopefully I do things for myself now…

I plan to travel… not over seas but maybe move around a bit. I’ve never traveled alone before so I guess it’s something to look forward to. Penang sounds good at the moment, maybe I can go and visit Mike, make him take me around and bother his life a bit.. it’s all about food in Penang… It’s been a while since I’ve been there or maybe Langkawi, It’s so peaceful there. Anyway, Vadai and Chris suggested Kuantan… It would be my first time in Kuantan and it sounds like a good idea too… I long to see the beach again :o) Lacy suggested we go in a group to Genting hmm.. I can imagine how that would be like.. hehe it will be fun.. good idea. I have 2 weeks holiday in July. I got time to save money and see where I land eh!.

New hobbies? Hmm as it is I’m already doing a lot of stuff… beads, origami boxes, sewing, chatting…etc. no new hobbies at the moment. period!

Sports? Maybe play pool once a week if anyone is willing to go with me. I like swmming I could go to the club in the evening using my aunties membership card or at Vadai’s place..hehe… I sure can’t play futsal with Vadai and gang hehehe… too much vibrations…heheh. I’m not physically fit for that. My weekend appointment at the gym is still on I can’t miss that… I love that place!

So much to do but so little time, I don’t want to strain myself just want to occupy my time so that I don’t need to think about how miserable I’m feeling. Anyway, Wednesday I resume for therapy work with Za again. I miss her so much and I can’t wait to see her. My Monday and Wednesday nights will be occupied now. Tuesday and Thursday nights keeping it open in case my mother wants to stroll around the Pasar Malam.

Heh.. until my next entry… adios!

1 Wedding, 1 Dinner, 1 Dog and 1 Decision…

Today is my cousins wedding, we were friends since birth and we grew up together in Malacca. Mark has always been the one to stay out of trouble and I was always getting him into trouble. He is a fun and dear cousin to me.

When I left Malacca to live in KL we grew apart from each other but we were still close. I use to go back to my home town every month to visit my relatives and we would always meet up. These past 5 years I was so caught up in my life and friends I seldom went back to visit. I was supposed to attend the wedding today, but unfortunately I have a bigger responsibility… Oscar!. There was no one to look after him due to the long weekend, my neighbors are not around ,my aunty had plans to spend the weekend in Genting Highlands and all the pet care centers are full. I couldn’t take him to Malacca coz he gets car sick and my sisters house does not have a fence yet due to some renovations. I had no choice but to stay here with this naughty little dog that bites me all the time.

Anyway, I haven’t called my sister yet to see how the wedding ceremony went… I’m sure it was lovely and I bet they are having a great time at the reception dinner. Emm the food, free flow of beer, live band and dancing till 3am. Knowing how the Eurasian families love attending parties and weddings… it’s going to be a night to remember. Tomorrow there will be another dinner reception similar to this one but only for family members from both sides. Honestly, I’ve never met his fiancé before. I know she is related to my brother-in-law’s side of the family. Anyway I hope they live a very happy life and raise a good family. I hope to see Mark and his wife soon.

My mother went back to Malacca yesterday. I manage to get her on the 8.30pm bus. All the tickets were sold out until Saturday evening. I bought the ticket at 6pm… we waited 2 and a half hours.. damm it was so hot and crowded. My mother and I had a nice chat with a man who was sitting next to us, he served the navy for 21 years and currently based in Lumut. His name is Jeffery, 41 years old married with 5 children. He was born in Sarawak, the 10th of 16 brothers and sisters…heheh amazing! Both his parents are sill alive and well in Sarawak. He was heading back home to see his wife and children, he manage to buy his ticket from a lady who decided to cancel her trip to Johor. He said he was very lucky to get that ticket otherwise he would be stranded in Pudu Raya until Saturday afternoon. He was so happy to tell us all about himself and his family, even though he was a stranger to us but we felt happy for him too.

Anyway, Once I got my mother on the bus, I waited for Vadai, Chris and angle. They planed to go out for dinner and they were nice enough to invite me… I had a nice time with them.. I always do. They are the best kind of friends to have. After dinner we drove back to PuduRaya to get my car then we went to Vadai’s place for some hot Milo… heheh He makes the best Milo :o) I stayed for a while then made my way back home… the traffic jam was crazy everyone was going back to their home towns I guess. My mother arrived in Malacca at 11.20pm she says the jam was all the way up to Ayer Keroh. It was pretty bad.

I took a long shower when I got back… washed my straighten hair that still had that cream smell. I chat on IRC for a while then went to bed. I was restless… I stayed up thinking about what I’m going to do with myself. My mind was full of decisions to make, some of it was made not because I wanted to but I had to. I figured I can’t go on waiting for someone who doesn’t even care. I know I will live to regret it but I have no choice. I don’t want to be hurt anymore, in order not to be hurt I choose to be alone for now. I still have my family, my trusted friends and my dog to love. All I can do now is wish for the best and just continue living until my time ends.

Until my next blog entry… adios

Tears

I cry because I am in pain
I cry because I am in love
I cry because my heart is screaming his name
I cry because that’s all I can do

How much can these eyes take?
Before it runs out of tears
I had a gift of sight once
But now I am blind

My heart was once filled with loved
But now it’s worthless
Until it heals I won’t find my peace
When I find peace I hope my heart will be healed

My soul is crying
The tears had pierced my heart
I am slowly dying
Because I have no life in this body

The end is not what I want
But the end is near
So I cry out loud
And hope to cry no more.

7 deadly sin test... thats mine

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

updated!

Thank you PK for reminding me to update my blog.It was nice to see you again and all the others who came for the mini gathering last night.

Lately I’ve been a bit blank don’t know what to write and I don’t feel like writing about my feelings and stuff like that. I often write about my feelings and mostly about love. That’s the one thing I most desire to have and that’s the one thing that’s beyond my reach. So why bother writing about love when no one appreciates it. I'm tired of letting myself hope so much only to watch it come crashing down. It's just too much for me...

I think I’m denying the fact that there is no place for me anymore not even here.. not in this world and not in anyone’s world. The heart is a precious thing once you break it, it can never be fixed. My heart looks like broken glass but funny how life can go on for such a heartless person. How do we mend a broken heart? With glue? Hehehe… I wish!.

Perhaps it’s time to stop writing about my feelings… it’s getting old and boring. Some things are better left untold. It’s best I keep it to myself from now on. Being open doesn’t seem to be such a good idea. It’s nice to share and talk about what’s going on in our lives with people we care and trust. Sometimes it helps get over things and make life a lot simpler. Sometimes it just doesn’t get you anywhere because not everyone is willing to listen and understand. *sigh*

What to expect on my next blog? I don’t know really… see how it goes.

Nasty Bite

Last Thursday I got bitten by an incy wincy garden spider on my left leg… my upper thigh. At first it just itch just like a mosquito bite, the next day the swelling didn’t go away it just got bigger and bigger… by Sunday there was a little boil and on Monday the boil broke and I bleed the whole day…

I went to see the Doctor and she gave me some antibiotics, pain killer and something to help the swelling go down and not forgetting the painful jab on my butt cheek…heheh… for 3 days I continued to bleed each time I lifted my leg. I could hardly walk nicely.. I walked worst then a 9 month pregnant woman… heheh…

I suffered through out the week going to work every morning.. with my aching back and my tired right leg… I continued my day just like every other day… just a bit slower and more careful. I had to change the dressing every hour because of the bleeding. It’s so hard to work with 12 four year olds in this kind of condition. I feel terrible as it is… what could be worst??? Anyway, the bleeding finally stopped today and the swelling is going down. I think I suffered enough already… thanks to the pain killers it helped a lot.

At least by the end of the week I don’t have to worry much… I’ll be off from work from the 8th till the 16th of April. I thought of going back to Malacca to visit my sister but I’m a bit worried to leave my mother at home alone… lately there has been quite a few robbery and snatch cases in my area. Yesterday my mother didn’t sleep until 3am because she heard some funny noises coming from the back… maybe she is just being paranoid I don’t know. See how it goes first la… maybe I’ll just relax at home and spend more time for myself and get my life straighten out.