The end of Dawn.

So.. The world didn't end on the 21st of December 2012, but it was the beginning of the end for my world. I realized that I am living in a time where being myself is unacceptable. I am expected to keep up with time and be "common" like everyone else. The sad thing is.. I refuse to be common and because of that I don't belong here... I know that seeking for the slightest chance of happiness is almost impossible. I have been through so much and over come it all.. but there is no end to my troubles. Bad things happen for a reason.. usually at the end you will find the truth to it all. Sometimes bad things happen because there are worst things waiting to unfold. There is no way out.. it's like there are multiple doors but none with a safe passage. There is no such thing as an easy way out. As a child I remember life being so simple, I was free to go out on my own, play with my friends, climb trees, explore my soroundings, play in the rain and worry about nothing at all... but at a very young age I also learned that life is not all that simple and free as I once believed it to be. Everyday was just another obstacle I had to face and I had to face it alone. Each time I failed I loose apart of me and I have already lost so much. My life it self is worth nothing at all, nothing I can look back and be proud of. Each time I built a new world, it's just a matter of time before I see it come crashing down again. The saying goes.. "You get what you deserve".. this phrase is constantly being repeated in my mind and I ask myself.. do I really deserve all this?? do I really need to experience all this pain? is there any chance left for me to undo it? why must I be mentally tortures this way? is it because I allowed it to happen to me?... is it because I never once took charge of my life?.. am I really all alone in this world? is there anyone out there to hear my cries.. is there anyone out there who can save me..?? Don't I deserve to be happy too? am I not worthy enough?... I see myself slowly drowning in my own tears.. I have lost the most sacret thing in my life.. I've lost my heart.. It's only a matter of time before I completely loose myself in my own sorrow and I wish never to wake up again..