Wise man said (part 2)

When a person is readily and willing to start a new relationship with someone new, it’s important to know where you stand in that relationship. If anything happens between the two, he or she knows the outcome of it... it won't lead them to any unknown areas.

Sometimes the trouble is getting over the person from the previous relationship, at times u just wish it never ends so that you can live life happily ever after, but that’s just wishful thinking. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a love one or live with a broken heart for eternity. I’ve had my fair share of that.. so I know… it not easy. It’s either a patch up or a break up… a patch is good but the scars still there it’s how well you forget about it and let it disappear. Where else a break up it’s simply unbearable, there is depression, break downs.. all kinds of bad things la.. don’t go there!


Wise Man said:-

It’s like ... drinking beer since you are afraid of getting addicted to wine, even though drinking beer will give you gout. After awhile drinking beer will still lead you to think about the wine and you end up thinking you're drinking piss!

Not another Sunday!

People get over fear, heart breaks and sometimes love ones. It’s very hard to do but I know some people manage to go with their life’s overcoming all kinds of obstacles. Some how it seems harder for me, I’m not as strong as I thought. Every cut hurts, some cut heals fast and some is just left to bleed. I suppose the pain will always be there to remind us that we are still alive. At times I’m not too happy staying alive.. its so depressing.

I woke up at 6.30am this morning because I was cold and all my pillow and blanket was on the floor. Either I kicked them all down or Oscar must have pulled it.. I felt so alone with nothing to cuddle, nothing to keep me warm and nothing to comfort my head. I didn’t continue sleeping coz I cant.. instead I got online and started to stare at a non active channel from 7.15am until this very moment. How pathetic is that… it must be Sunday… *sigh

Why me??

It’s been a tiring week, I have tons of work to do but I have no idea what to begin with. My mind is some where else and my attention is on my mother at the moment. She hasn’t been well for the past few days. I took some time off from therapy to look after her. She has a bad cough, fever, headaches and flu. The doctor thinks it’s the haze, luckily she has no pressure and for her age it’s very good.

At 65 years old my mother is a very active and strong woman and seeing her so helpless and sick makes me sad. Of coz she prefers to sleep and not be disturbed but If I don’t wake her up to eat or take her medications she will never wake up on her own. I haven’t had a good night sleep in days and i'm worried about her fever. Past few days she only ate Quaker oats and rice porridge, I cook other type of food also but she just doesn’t have the appetite to eat and that worries me. I’m glad she feels a bit better today. I still ask her to sleep in my room so that I can monitor her and make sure that she is ok.

I’m feeling sick myself, I’m having the same symptoms as her but not as bad I guess, but my whole body is aching like mad, i'm in such a bad mood too and to make things worst i got my period early... gudd!.

Lucky for me it’s almost the end of the month, I'm expecting my pay on monday, my purse is almost empty and I’m on a very.. very tight budget, as long as I can last until Tuesday .. I’m fine, I can’t afford to go see a doctor now, my reserve cash for my mother just in case if I have to take her to the clinic again…

Argghh… I’m just glad that the weekend is here… at least I can relax a bit and hope my mother recovers soon.

A hidden message behind a dream

Many people dream about their love ones that had passed on. Over the weekend I had a very unusual dream. I dreamt about my father. He past away 12 years ago, and never once had a dream about him where else everyone else in my family has.

(Saturday afternoon nap) The first dream
I was standing at the entrance of my home waiting for my mother to come inside, there I saw a man who came in after her and sat on the chair where my father use to sit on. I asked my mother “did u notice that man on the chair?” And she said “Yes!” when I took another look I noticed that it was my father but there was something different about him. he walked towards me and cried because I knew he was a ghost I tried calling his name but it just wouldn’t come out. He came inside and he stayed for a while. I felt his skin and it was real, I thought to myself this cant be… my father is dead. So I asked him “who are you? you look like my father but I know you are not! My father died 12 years ago!” he replied “I don’t know who I am” he continued to stay, sat on the chair and watched TV when he stood up my dog barked at him and he just walked away and vanished.

(Sunday morning) The second dream
My mother and I just came home, when I walked towards the gate I noticed my dog was missing. Then I saw him inside the house with the gate and the sliding glass door shut. There he was again the man standing there, he opened the gate for us. I looked at my mother and told her “see! I told u not to keep the keys close to the door, now there is a stranger in our house!” My mother walked in and went straight to the room. I sat on the floor and asked him again “Sir, please tell me .. who are you?” he replied “I don’t know.. all I know is I have to come here” I asked him “why.. where is your family” and he said “I don’t know… all I know I have to come here and you will help me” next thing I remember my dog stood next to him and barked… and the old man vanished again.

I woke up that Sunday morning telling my mother what I dreamt about. I had this funny feeling that he was trying to tell me something. I asked my mother to look at the obituary column if there was any one that fits the same description as my father, and there was… there was an elderly man, who died on the 19th of August, but he look nothing at all like my father.

Maybe its not him.. i have another feeling that it was some one else, some one related to my father. I know he had a twin brother, they were separated from birth and never met each other. my father was adopted and no one knows what happen to his parents and the other sibling. I fear that it was the lost soul of my father’s twin brother. I fear he is either, sick, dying or already passed on but looking for his better half.

How do I find this man? No one knows where is he anyway… and why is he seeking my help? Maybe he wants to be reunited with his brother.. I don’t know. I thought to myself if I do dream about him again.. I will explain to him who I think he is and show him the resting place of my father. My mother decided to give a mass dedicated to my father and I think I want to dedicate a mass to the lost souls. That’s the best I can do.. for now.
it was a weird dream.

NATIONAL CAUSES...

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Maggi Mee.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam.

NATIONAL CONDOM:
None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condom. So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, air-con not cold enough, air-con too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, depress, no mood, etc...

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex. (oh ya??)

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol. The "cure for all!".If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm & vicks.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block. (;-o)

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Care 4! On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing stupid French brands like Peugeot it sounds better, when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot". Milo was always 'MeeLo', when you want to sound sophisticated, you say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed saying "Care 4" when the! Foreigners shamelessly pronounce orang utans as "rangutan".

NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less foreigner backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets. haha...I like these facts!!!! So real yet so shy to admit it !!!!

NATIONAL CELEBRATION:
when the end of the months salary rolls in, Someone elses party or wedding where you get free drinks all night, 1st prize 4D number.

NATIONAL DAY:
Bonus day! and all public holidays!

It's great to be a Malaysian! heheh funny :o)

Squirting Accidents!... lol

Some of the conversations you have in IRC can either be annoying, irritating, funny, informative, general… etc. I like chatting with people with great sense of humor especially people you can joke with while passing your time on IRC. Here is a conversation between me, MrScuderria and a^gUy. It’s for laughs really… I had to ask MrScuderria permission first before posting this blog. He is nice enough to support the idea… so read and laugh your heart out… of coz this is all tease… he doesn’t have a squirting problem…hahah!


MrScuderria: someone asked me for ure number yesterday, marie
MrScuderria: n no, i didn’t give it out
xXx_gal78: who?
MrScuderria: 9tail
xXx_gal78: ooo he wanted to say he couldnt make it
xXx_gal78: tq MrScuderria
MrScuderria: jus didnt dare, to be on the safe side
xXx_gal78: yes i will break ur balls , its good to be on the safe side
MrScuderria: aiyoo, dont la, my future generation lies within ma balls la
xXx_gal78: most of ur future generation is stuck on the wall, in the drain, on the bed and in a condom
xXx_gal78: u already wasting them as it is
MrScuderria: u missed out tissue papers
xXx_gal78: yes and tissue paper
xXx_gal78: clothes
MrScuderria: lolx
xXx_gal78: mirror
xXx_gal78: floor
xXx_gal78: carpet
a^gUy: marie...mIRROR?
MrScuderria: nah, i'm not the messy one to get ma mirror, walls, clothes stained
xXx_gal78: yes he likes to look at himself while mastubating
MrScuderria: and even floor or carpet, and u can stop about now
a^gUy: hahahaahah
a^gUy: marie: how'd u know?
xXx_gal78: door
MrScuderria: she knows, she sees me doing it all he time.....actually, we do it together gether
xXx_gal78: window
xXx_gal78: fan
xXx_gal78: tv
a^gUy: MrScuderria: oh ic.......interesting
a^gUy: then why are you so desperate for her?
xXx_gal78: vase and artificial flowers
MrScuderria: xXx_gal78's actually a kinky person u kno, shy in person but a demon behind closed doors
xXx_gal78: clock
MrScuderria: well, i'm not done wit her la.....still a long long way to go
xXx_gal78: computer
xXx_gal78: toilet!
xXx_gal78: sink
* MrScuderria numba one weakness,....
MrScuderria: lolx
xXx_gal78: drain
a^gUy: MrScuderria: can i quote u?
a^gUy: MrScuderria> join the que, a^gUy, i've been lining up for like ages already
MrScuderria: already mentioned drain
xXx_gal78: oo sorry
xXx_gal78: plate
MrScuderria: lining up for ages to fulfill each n every one of ma desires
xXx_gal78: kitchen
xXx_gal78: cup
a^gUy: * MrScuderria been fantasizing bout those assests for like ages la
Talan24m: xXx_gal78 may i know tonight have going out ?
MrScuderria: as u probably noticed, my fantasy is neva ending one
a^gUy: ah
a^gUy: ic
a^gUy: ur probably creative then?
xXx_gal78: i suppose to go for a engagement dinner Talan24m but i cancel it.. im going out for dinner with a friend instead
* xXx_gal78 continues about MrScuderria's squirting accidents
xXx_gal78: fridge
MrScuderria: can i tag along, xXx_gal78
a^gUy: hahahhahah
MrScuderria: squirting accidents?
xXx_gal78: hahahah yea
Talan24m: xXx_gal78 i see, a friend will be a special some one that you admire ?
xXx_gal78: Talan24m my best friend
MrScuderria: u missed pillows n comforter n tv, dvd,
a^gUy: yea...
xXx_gal78: im getting there
Talan24m: xXx_gal78 that good
a^gUy: computer, keyboard, mouse
xXx_gal78: pillow
MrScuderria: i'm sure u were
xXx_gal78: comforter
xXx_gal78: tv said already
a^gUy: pillow, handphone, car, steering wheel
xXx_gal78: dvd
xXx_gal78: handphone
* MrScuderria wonders if it can reach the a/c unit or not
xXx_gal78: handphone, car, steering wheel
a^gUy: tree trunk, a/c unit..why not?
bali-ml-yuk: what r u talking about?
a^gUy: the older models were mid height
a^gUy: ahahahahah
Talan24m: xXx_gal78 what topic do both of you are discussing ?
MrScuderria: yea xXx_gal78, wot topic are u discussing la?
xXx_gal78: talking about MrScuderria squirting accidents
xXx_gal78: hahah
a^gUy: hahhhahaha

* xXx_gal78 rotfl
MrScuderria: u missed in ure mouth, ear and so on, xXx_gal78
a^gUy: cactus, garden, fridge
xXx_gal78: i got to put this in my blog MrScuderria
Talan24m: xXx_gal78 MrScuderria squirting accidents on technically ?
xXx_gal78: is so funny
MrScuderria: dont u dare
a^gUy: MrScuderria: did u accidently do it in her mouth, ear or did u purposely do it?
Talan24m: it shoud be funny i know
MrScuderria: and make sure u DO NOT mention ma full name in it!
xXx_gal78: MrScuderria im seriously going to put it on my blog.. just for laughs
* MrScuderria officially dont like xXx_gal78 anymore
* xXx_gal78 ask MrScuderria's permission 1st
MrScuderria: sure thang xXx_gal78......for fun only mah
xXx_gal78: yayyyyyyyyyy

Party Animals!

The first time I ever step foot in a club was when I was 18 years old. I was working with RSM then in the Corporate Marketing Division. Those days my colleagues and I use to hang out at the mamak stall in Sri Rampai every evening after work, waiting for the jam to clear before heading back home.. dealing with corporate clients can be very stressful, they just like to make our lives difficult because they are paying for our goods… hehehe paying for our goods sound kinky!

Anyway, the first club I went to is Beach Club Café, it was introduced to us by one of our new staff name Arrie but I call him hairy because he seldom shaves. He had a friend who was working there as one of the supervisors. We made plans to go there, 15 of us went, we had dinner, we drank, we partied, danced on the podium like mad people, stayed until it was over and continued with a mamak session to end the night, that was a great night because we were all stoned from the free flow of long island tea, compliments from beach club of coz. I remember my colleagues and I would make it a point to go there twice a month. One year later that Supervisor friend left beach club and went some where else and that was the end of our free flow of long island tea.

We continued to go there for six years, we had more and more people joining us and at one time. I use to go with Uma as well, she had a friend working as a bartender there, each time we went there he would get us food and what ever drink we desire. Even when she didn’t join me.. the drinks still keep coming…heheh those were the days… plus I use to be a heavy drinker then.

When I left RSM in 2001, most of my other colleagues left as well, most of us sort of lost contact with each other, how ever I still keep in touch with Annie, Velu, King (Raja), Jason and Haiza. How ever we still continued to meet up at BC once in a while.

I soon made new friends Darthvadai and surprisingly he was a regulars at BC as well. Then I met Scud (evan), Mel (Angie) and Chris, in fact I’ve seen Chris many times in beach club before and I did recognize her when I first me her. Small world eh! Back then they had a really good band playing and I use to still dance on the podium. Years went by and we have met many people there, some that have came into our lives leaving us with scares and some with sweet memories.

The last time I went to BC this year was in January when Cleo came down to KL. We had, Cleo, Vadai, Chris, Kalai, Mel, Ant, Rat, Pikachu, David and myself. I may have forgotten a few others I think. It’s August now and I’ve been missing from BC for 7 months and I’m glad it’s still there and it’s still the same. The parking attendant still remembers me.. he parked my car at my normal parking space and charged me the normal parking price… even though parking was full. The bouncer friend of mine let me in without paying the cover charge and I went straight to our usual sitting area where I saw my two best buddies… Vadai and Chris! It was really good to see them, like always both of them are very generous with hugs.. Yes hugs were on free flow at BC last night…heheh I needed some of that! Not forgetting a surprise visit from Pikachu, the four of us rocked BC. Hot Wired was playing… Bad news for Cleo there is a new male vocalist actually 2 new male vocalist… 1 cute one and 1 faggot looking one with the durian hair. Not forgetting the girls on the podium, the number of hot guys there last night (including Vadai and Pikachu… emm well sort of…ehheh).

Funny and weird moments ….

I arrived there late because of a very bad traffic jam in Ampang, when the parking attendant saw me he shouted “wei why so long never come!!” told him I was BZ he wasn’t quite convinced with my reply.. as I gave him my car keys he mumbled “teacher also very bz? Heh!”

There were too many cute guys I told Chris “Wow can cuci mata tonite…heheh” I took 2 ice cubes and pretended rub my eyes with it…heheheh Vadai wasn’t there when I did that! Hahah. Sorry you missed it!

Who could forget that weird air force pilot with the red and white checked robe and helmet walking around and showing off. how cool and stupid he looked in his uniform!

A guy bought Vadai 2 bottles of beer… that’s weird…ehheh

The 4 of us left BC around 2am, we went to our regular mamak stall behind BC where our Annai was waiting for us… he greeted me with a hand shake.. saying “Sudah lama tada jumpa la… mana pigi?”…heheh. of coz my reply was “BZ la” the funny part is he even guessed how many months I didn’t go there which was very accurate. Pikachu looked at me with a grin “Popular jugak eh ko ni!” heheh…

I dont know if anyone noticed or it could have been just me... the guy siting opposite me with his friends look alot like Rat except he was shorter and less furry... thats weird!

After makan we all headed home and ended a wonderful evening… Thanks guys!

p/s the music was too loud... we were all half deaf... we sounded like we had too much helium gas...hahahah can't stop laughing at how Vadai sounded like.

How Sexy is Your Name?? or How sexy are you?? eh!

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals Your sexual identity ... What do you think? Heheh this should be fun!!

-A-

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

-B-

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

-C-

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

-D-

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in you're involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open mind.

-E-

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good look.)

-F-

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

-G-

You are crap in bed! (Remember.... I didn't write this!)

-H-

You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.

-I-

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

-J-

You are totally fucking marvelous! (I didn’t write this either but I agree with it!..heheh)

-K-

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating; otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

-L-

You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.

-M-

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate.

-N-

You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

-O-

You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

-P-

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

-Q-

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

-R-

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.

-S-

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.

-T-

You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.

-U-

You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant ratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.

-V-

You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means positing him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.

-W-

You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

-X-

You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.

-Y-

You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating, and romance.

-Z-

No comment! (hahah... to bad man!)

Wise man said!

IRC is like a bus station... we wait for our buses.. and we talk to strangers... some people are passengers.. others are ticket sellers and complete with the irritating beggars too... hehehe!


Thanks to ninetailsdemon... read what he came out with!

Many have come, many have gone
Aren't they all the same?
Rising and falling
In your eyes
Everything seems clear

Flying on eagles wings
Earth is but a distant memory
Reminising about the past
Not thinking of the future
Align the stars
Nothing can stop us now
Darling, we would be together
Eternity is now, and I'll be in your
Zenith


hahah read only the capital letters on the left hand side... :o)

It's a chicken life... thats me!

I woke up this morning thinking about him. I was angry, disappointed and at the same time I was glad to see him. Honestly I can’t push my past aside. I’m trying to deal with it in my own way. I keep telling myself to forget him but the more I remind myself the more I think about him. I can hide my emotions but I can’t hide my true feelings, that’s what’s bothering me.. I still have feelings for him. I can be in denial and say I dont love him anymore.. but seriously will it make any difference? I already know there will never be a place for me in his life. i knew that the first time I met him.

Yesterday, I pretended that I to be myself. Part of me just wanted to explode and pour out everything, but I didn’t have the heart or courage to do so. I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings the way he hurt mine. I thought to myself if he wanted to say something… he would have done it a long time ago, maybe he has nothing to say to me... thats why he didnt!. I’ve said what I had to at the very beginning and I never had any reply.. It must be too much to ask for an explanation, I’ve never demanded it and after all who am I to demand for an explanation?

What choice do I have but to go on like this and remain silent… right now I feel like a chicken that’s lost it’s head. I’m back at the crossroad waiting for someone to run over me and turn me into a road kill coz I cant bare to go on without my head!... hehe sounds funny what am I saying??

Oscar's Biography ... Puppy Powerrrrr!!!

looks just like oscar!

Thought I write about my dog la… Well this isn’t his real picture but this dog looks just like mine. I found this picture on the net this dog is pure breed Spitz dog.
Name: - Oscar
Nickname: - Oyster, Puppy, baby and Boboi.
Age: - 1 year 9 months (born in november 2004)
Breed: - Mix golden retriever and spitz… how did that happen??? I don’t know.
Description: - He is cream colour with brown floppy ears.
Defects eheh: - Oscar is a special dog… I’ve mentioned before he only has one testicle, extra 2 toes that looks like cat claws and had numbers on his body when he was a puppy. Hehe he is a freak! So cute!
First owner: - My sister, her son found him wondering on his own when he was a puppy. They only kept him for a few months then gave him to me because the children in her area kept throwing stones at him..
Activities: - I take him for his walks when ever I have the time… normally when I have no therapy sessions and on weekends. I normally walk around my area only.. few blocks at least… can’t take him for long walks if not I have to carry him on the way back. Can you imagine me carrying a 15kg dog home? heh!
Bath day: - Oscar likes taking baths… I use to do it every alternate days but I’ve been advised that it’s not good for his Fur… so now he gets his bath on Sundays.
Eating Habits: - Oscar eats almost everything we give him… but he likes his dog food to be mixed with sardine that’s his favorite!!. That dog will probably get diabetes due to his intake of condensed milk everyday. My mother cooks chicken soup for him on weekends. Sometimes I feel he eats better food then me. Anyway, He also likes the can cat food Friskies beef and gravy mixed with rice…heheh it must taste yummy coz he loves it and he drinks water like a camel …hehehhe.
Unusual eating habits: Likes to catch and eat flies, mosquitoes and other small bugs, lots of grass and tissue.
Favorite Toys: - Teletubbies “Po”, Toy story “zurg”, Tasmanian Devil, Basketball Pillow and the squeaky ball.
Fears: - Ants. He won’t go outside if there are ants. Fleas/ticks found a few on him when I left him at the boarding home for 1 week during Christmas … I killed it and it totally freaked him out… ran under the bed and didn’t come out half the day. By the way he is Tick free… very clean!
Characteristics: - still a virgin…hahah, friendly with dog lovers, very hyper active, Smart but irritating… well trained does his business outside and not inside the house. He is a good watch dog, he prefers to stay indoors. Oscar sleeps under my bed most of the time, but on rainy days he prefers sleeping on the carpet. Past few days he’s been sleeping outside and he only comes in around 2am. I can’t sleep at night knowing that he is outside.. so by midnight I’ll bring him in. He likes being dragged from the living room all the way to the bedroom….. he will purposely lie on his back when I call him to come in. He doesn’t like it when I go out.. He tends to bite, push and bark at me.. he bites hard too. He gets car sick when traveling long distance. So can’t take him anywhere. He won’t come out from the room in the morning when ever I have to leave for work… I have to go under the bed and drag him out… he does the same thing everyday! He loves my mother very much.. She feed’s him good food… where else I only give him dog food! He gets sick when my mother goes on holidays… won’t eat or drink all day… But he gives in easily when I bribe him with sardines. Heheh…
My Comments: - I love this dog!!

I fell into a tunnel, I saw a bright light.. I thought to myself “Is it God??” the light is coming towards me…SHIT!!… runnnnnnn it’s a train!!!

Tomorrow is going to be Friday… it’s been a tiring week.. hmm actually it’s the same as every other week. I’m not feeling so good.. been sick on and off… these past few days the weather is a bit too hot.. and I’ve been getting constant migraines because of the heat.

This week had it’s bad start… the depression is slowly fading away. As long as I keep the people in my past behind me.. I guess I will be fine, just have to learn to let go. I want to start all over, fill my world with new hope.. and not allow others to blind my heart again. I’m glad I have such caring and supporting friends. Thanks guys!

Anyway, Next month is the schools annual get together. I’m currently spending a lot of time getting the children to familiarize their dance steps. So far they are doing pretty good and they are very excited to perform for their parents. This year our theme is musicals, my class is doing “Elvis- Rock around the clock” and like every year I get my music from Cleo. I’m still waiting for the tailor to finish my costumes… I have so many things to do. Like every year I am the *Project Director* heheh… so for a change I plan to make a background scene of a stage… each class will have their own props… yes! That means more work for me. Anyway my props are all complete… I made the whole band instruments out of cardboard and boxes.. it looks so cute. I’ve given the rest of the classes ideas how to make their props… have to wait and see how it turns out.

I’ve been spending a lot of time online again… it’s like my longest lasting relationship IRC… well at least all the regulars are coming back, it’s not so dead now. There are some new chatters with very funny nicks… one that cracks me up is moldygreenballs…heheh what a nickname.

Starlight cinema is back… but I don’t think I will be able to join Vadai and friends I have a long meeting tomorrow and probably a late therapy session. I suppose it would be fun to go as long as it doesn’t rain… last year it rain so heavily few minutes before the show started… oh well hope they bring their umbrella’s tomorrow just in case!

I’m actually looking forward to Vadai’s BBQ poolside party this Saturday. It’s been a long time since I went out and hang out with the gang. Yay! It’s a swimming weekend…. That reminds me.. I need to buy all the stuff to make the Triple X pie! Hehe hope it turns out ok:o)

Whats on my mind eh?

It’s one of those days again where you wish you were someone else or wish you never existed. Life would be great if it just went according to how we wanted it to be.

The new world that I build is pretty much empty at the moment, thats pretty much what happening in my life too... NOTHING!. Now days I spend most of my time watching really bad pirate VCD copies… the kinds that u watch only half way and toss it a side. I’ve been skipping my gym appointments, I hardly go out, I hardly spend time or talk to Azie , I hardly see anybody else, there is no one interesting to chat with on IRC. All I have to keep me company is Oscar… even he is tired of looking at me everyday… he spends most of his time biting me or sleeping under the bed… i guess there is no excitement in his life too… maybe I should get a new dog!

There is time and the problem with time is there is just too many hours!…it would be nice to just have 12 hours a day... spend 4 hours at work, 2 hours therapy, 30 minutes to walk the dog, 30 minutes to eat and shower and 5 hours to sleep! walah!! what you think??? i just hate that feeling... you know when some days you feel like you are in a rush and some days you feel like you have so much time on your hands and the only way to kill it is work, sleep or day dream. I really hate having to much free time, I’m the type that will look back in time, think of people and trying to set things right for some things that can’t be undone…. I can’t undo things .. that’s impossible and yet here I am still thinking about it.

I’m so depress, seriously I’m not just saying it… everything feels wrong to me. I can’t sleep at night…I feel sorry for myself.. I feel sad that my heart still aches. I find no enjoyment in life anymore, no interest in doing the things I love to do, I haven’t been going to the gym, I rather stay in bed and let my mind wander off… I’m trying to keep myself focus… but honestly I rather be in my own world then here. My mother thinks that the solution to my problem is marriage... well I dont think thats the best solution for me... I dont think I want to get married.

What’s more depressing is my financial status, is it me or is everything expensive now days? I feel like my monthly earnings is only for paying my bills and to stay alive…. One minute you have cash and the next it's all gone! like as if I'm a problem free person... yea rite! I have never ending worries.

Arghh there really is no easier way to go through this life… if there was by any chance… I guess I would probably grab it… but then things could turn out bad as well. So basically it just succeed in life and be happy or screw up and get fucked!