It's a chicken life... thats me!

I woke up this morning thinking about him. I was angry, disappointed and at the same time I was glad to see him. Honestly I can’t push my past aside. I’m trying to deal with it in my own way. I keep telling myself to forget him but the more I remind myself the more I think about him. I can hide my emotions but I can’t hide my true feelings, that’s what’s bothering me.. I still have feelings for him. I can be in denial and say I dont love him anymore.. but seriously will it make any difference? I already know there will never be a place for me in his life. i knew that the first time I met him.

Yesterday, I pretended that I to be myself. Part of me just wanted to explode and pour out everything, but I didn’t have the heart or courage to do so. I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings the way he hurt mine. I thought to myself if he wanted to say something… he would have done it a long time ago, maybe he has nothing to say to me... thats why he didnt!. I’ve said what I had to at the very beginning and I never had any reply.. It must be too much to ask for an explanation, I’ve never demanded it and after all who am I to demand for an explanation?

What choice do I have but to go on like this and remain silent… right now I feel like a chicken that’s lost it’s head. I’m back at the crossroad waiting for someone to run over me and turn me into a road kill coz I cant bare to go on without my head!... hehe sounds funny what am I saying??