Whats on my mind eh?

It’s one of those days again where you wish you were someone else or wish you never existed. Life would be great if it just went according to how we wanted it to be.

The new world that I build is pretty much empty at the moment, thats pretty much what happening in my life too... NOTHING!. Now days I spend most of my time watching really bad pirate VCD copies… the kinds that u watch only half way and toss it a side. I’ve been skipping my gym appointments, I hardly go out, I hardly spend time or talk to Azie , I hardly see anybody else, there is no one interesting to chat with on IRC. All I have to keep me company is Oscar… even he is tired of looking at me everyday… he spends most of his time biting me or sleeping under the bed… i guess there is no excitement in his life too… maybe I should get a new dog!

There is time and the problem with time is there is just too many hours!…it would be nice to just have 12 hours a day... spend 4 hours at work, 2 hours therapy, 30 minutes to walk the dog, 30 minutes to eat and shower and 5 hours to sleep! walah!! what you think??? i just hate that feeling... you know when some days you feel like you are in a rush and some days you feel like you have so much time on your hands and the only way to kill it is work, sleep or day dream. I really hate having to much free time, I’m the type that will look back in time, think of people and trying to set things right for some things that can’t be undone…. I can’t undo things .. that’s impossible and yet here I am still thinking about it.

I’m so depress, seriously I’m not just saying it… everything feels wrong to me. I can’t sleep at night…I feel sorry for myself.. I feel sad that my heart still aches. I find no enjoyment in life anymore, no interest in doing the things I love to do, I haven’t been going to the gym, I rather stay in bed and let my mind wander off… I’m trying to keep myself focus… but honestly I rather be in my own world then here. My mother thinks that the solution to my problem is marriage... well I dont think thats the best solution for me... I dont think I want to get married.

What’s more depressing is my financial status, is it me or is everything expensive now days? I feel like my monthly earnings is only for paying my bills and to stay alive…. One minute you have cash and the next it's all gone! like as if I'm a problem free person... yea rite! I have never ending worries.

Arghh there really is no easier way to go through this life… if there was by any chance… I guess I would probably grab it… but then things could turn out bad as well. So basically it just succeed in life and be happy or screw up and get fucked!