In absence of you.

I spent the longest time hoping that one day things will turn out ok.. at least something better then what it is now.. I'm so naive to even hope for anything positive.. I can't turn back time. All I'm left with is my memories, the good old days. I can't get back what I lost or take back the words I've said to you. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. You have stayed in my heart for the longest time. Know that my heart belongs to you. If I could I would give you the world. Maybe not in this life, Maybe the next one I'll find you again. If I am ever that lucky. I've told myself to move on a million times but I still haven't.. I can't get over you, I never could and I never want to. I never had the courage to tell you. I never saw myself as being apart of your life. I never wanted you to know my feelings for you. If only I was brave enough to tell you... I've always loved you and I still do. You are and always will be my strength and my weakness.. I have always found perfection in you because I saw you as a person.. so beautiful. You see.. I love you unconditionally.. I don't want you to feel anything for me in return.. I dont deserve you. I'm just a ghost. I want you to be happy with the one who makes you happy. If only you could see what I see in you.. maybe you will finally let someone love you for who you are.. Someone more deserving.. someone you could fall inlove with.. someone who loves you more then I do.

The end of Dawn.

So.. The world didn't end on the 21st of December 2012, but it was the beginning of the end for my world. I realized that I am living in a time where being myself is unacceptable. I am expected to keep up with time and be "common" like everyone else. The sad thing is.. I refuse to be common and because of that I don't belong here... I know that seeking for the slightest chance of happiness is almost impossible. I have been through so much and over come it all.. but there is no end to my troubles. Bad things happen for a reason.. usually at the end you will find the truth to it all. Sometimes bad things happen because there are worst things waiting to unfold. There is no way out.. it's like there are multiple doors but none with a safe passage. There is no such thing as an easy way out. As a child I remember life being so simple, I was free to go out on my own, play with my friends, climb trees, explore my soroundings, play in the rain and worry about nothing at all... but at a very young age I also learned that life is not all that simple and free as I once believed it to be. Everyday was just another obstacle I had to face and I had to face it alone. Each time I failed I loose apart of me and I have already lost so much. My life it self is worth nothing at all, nothing I can look back and be proud of. Each time I built a new world, it's just a matter of time before I see it come crashing down again. The saying goes.. "You get what you deserve".. this phrase is constantly being repeated in my mind and I ask myself.. do I really deserve all this?? do I really need to experience all this pain? is there any chance left for me to undo it? why must I be mentally tortures this way? is it because I allowed it to happen to me?... is it because I never once took charge of my life?.. am I really all alone in this world? is there anyone out there to hear my cries.. is there anyone out there who can save me..?? Don't I deserve to be happy too? am I not worthy enough?... I see myself slowly drowning in my own tears.. I have lost the most sacret thing in my life.. I've lost my heart.. It's only a matter of time before I completely loose myself in my own sorrow and I wish never to wake up again..

Staying in Love :o)

There is nothing more that I could ask for...
in this world you are everything to me...
although my life is incomplete without you in my arms...
I feel nothing less for you.

You make this life seems so wonderful..
you are still the only one in my heart...
I see perfection in every way...
and there is only one word to describe it...
"Beautiful".

You are my inspiration and my purpose..
You are the light I see when darkness surrounds me...
I want to steal your heart the same way you stole mine...
wish I could tell you everything.

I don't want to run away from this feelings...
Although it hurts me sometimes...
but it also gives me comfort...
knowing that you exist in my heart.

I hope some where along the way it will be clear...
may we walk together in a similar path...
I hope someday I will find peace and hope you find it too...
maybe then I can let my heart roam free to love you.

Afraid to Love you...

I am afraid to love you,
because you will be the death of me.
I can't stand being apart from you,
yet I dare not let you come close to me.

I can't be everything I should be,
simply because I don't have you,
you are the light that shines upon me,
yet.. I am still afraid to love you.

Complicated as it may seem,
this is how it's meant to be.
see what you are only allowed to see,
nothing else matters.. you mean the world to me.

This heart of mine knows only to love you,
and because of that it has failed me.
This soul of mine is meaningless if not for you,
and because of that it does not serve me.

If I could... I would...

If I could... I would lock my heart and throw away the keys,
If I could... I would climb mountains and swim across the seas,
If I could... I would jump off the tallest tree,
If I could... I would ...

If I could... I would tell you what's in my heart,
If I could... I would stay with you and never part,
If I could... I would have told you "I loved you" from the start,
If I could... I would ...

If I could... I would sink my feelings into the ocean,
If I could... I would live a life with no emotions,
If I could... I would drink your deadly poison,
If I could... I would ...

If I could... I would change and be perfect just for you,
If I could... I would give my life to you,
If I could... I would do anything for you,
If I could... I would ...

Believe me... If I could... I would...

Zerah I'll always be.

In this life... I live to survive you,
with such a unique design... no one can see through,
my compassion is sacret to me and so is my virtues,
must I continue a life of torture just to be with you?

My emotions run deep as my mind spins like a wheel,
ask me not about how I feel,
to find the answers.. layers you will have to peel,
what you seek is a heart made of steel.

This heart of steel.. no one can compare,
it scratches and dents beyond repair,
the marks that remain may even loose it's flair,
it still bleeds but nobody cares.

At time it seems like I am a bird in a cage with clipped wings,
force to serve a lord who is not a king,
dammed as I am and punished to his liking,
I must survive this task he has set upon me...
wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Do not try to understand or pity me,
I am strong at will, head strong and free,
this name lingers in my memory...
Zerah is who I will always be,
but to everyone else I am simply Marie.

My Undying Heart

There was a time in our life,
when I stood beside you as your wife,
a past life that seems so nice,
a life I would pay to have again at any price.

Long ago when we lived free,
You were taken away from me,
I sold my soul to follow thee,
because I swore forever we would be.

My love for you still remain,
although I'm reborn into a life of pain,
some things in life I can't explain,
this curse will break when we cross path again.

Know this.. we co-exist as a pair,
made for each other I swear,
branded with the mark we both share..
break this curse that I bare.

It is forbidden that I reveal myself to you,
my love is like a taboo,
a deed only you can undo,
until then I will still wait for you.

You are my only hope..my every desire,
the one I truely admire,
the love I wish one day to acquire,
Love me once again before this life expire.