Me, Myself and I

I’m sick again… and I feel miserable… my whole class is down with the flu, sore throat and fever… being in an air-condition room half a day with 12 children with slight flu.. there is just no escape from not catching the flu. I still have to be 101% on the job.. all though I feel like 50% alive these past few days. Will try to sleep early and not spend so many hours on the internet and staring at the screen waiting for an interesting topic to chat about…

I guess I have been a bit too attached to my PC, I forgot that I actually have a life to live…. Boring life… but it’s a life still. I’ll be 28 years old in a few days… 28 years of life in this planet and I’m still not sure what I’m here for. When I look back.. all I see is compromises….

My principles in life is more complicated then I though… it use to seem so simple to me before. Is it because I’m getting older and it seems a bit difficult now? I’m uncertain actually. I’ve always been honest to people… lately I’m not sure if I’ve been honest to myself… I am neglecting my needs for some reason… perhaps it’s because I know that my needs can’t be fulfilled. So many things that has come to my mind but I’ve never given it much thought at all… until now. “My Future”

I do want to see some changes in my life but then I don’t want things to change, is that so hard to understand??. Very confusing but it does make some sense.

As far as love goes.. there is no limit to it… it can go on and on forever. I consider it as a “Gift”. It’s the most precious thing anyone could give and receive and I truly believe that. My love for my family, friends, pet, life and career means a lot to me…. this is my world, without any of these I guess I’m lifeless…. Love is something I can’t live without. I’m thankful for what I have and had… it wasn’t an easy life but I manage to turn out ok… so it’s not so bad I guess.

I know I’m a bit old fashion in terms of what people see and think of me, as much as I ignore all of that… I do take in a little bit. I’ve never demanded for anything before.. I believe in compromising and giving in to others … everything to me is like “sure”, “it’s ok”, “nevermind”, “maybe next time”, “no problem”, “I’m fine”, “you go ahead”, “don’t worry about me” … that happens a lot… honestly its been like that all my life. I wish sometimes I’m not that easy to let go of opportunities… I want to please people so much…. that I rarely I allow myself to be pleased…. Maybe its true what some people say.. I’m in denial. Hard to admit but I think they might be right!

I know there are things in life that you just have to learn to let go, start all over, accept, move on, take chances… I’ve done all that… I will continue to do so.. it’s just that I hate making choices and I’m scared one day I will regret it. Regret for making that choice.. or not!

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a crossroad and lost! It all depends on which way I want to go… not knowing where it might lead me. Honestly I would like to know where I stand in that map!. Just a matter of time I guess… just have to learn how to read maps!