I just wish Marie would die

“If shit had feelings I would know how shit feels … coz I feel like shit and just like shit … I was flushed away” quote Me myself and I a.k.a shithead!

Today is the most depressing day of my life... well… actually it started yesterday but I’m still felling the burn. My whole world just came crashing down and hit me right in the face. I wonder why I am still here and why am I not dead yet?.... is Marie dying? NO!.

My personal relationship has come to a point where trust and honesty never meant a thing... I finally realised that. unfortunately on my end it meant everything. I’ve been up all night crying and drinking vodka. I don’t normally drink when I’m depress actually I stop drinking along time ago when I met someone. I’m so tired but I’m restless. I’m so sad, my heart is aching and I’m suffering with a really bad hang over.

I called in sick from work today. I’m almost out of vodka, looks like there wont be any whisky left for Xmas. I need to drink more and do something stupid. That’s what stupid people do… they do stupid things. You care for someone and you become stupid… that’s what happen to stupid people like me… people keep telling me that “You can never trust a man” now when I think back … that’s one hell of an advise. Yes I know I can’t blame the whole apple tree for 1 bad apple… unfortunately I keep getting the same grade of apples. I have no choice but to blame the tree now.

My eyes are so sore, it’s so red, I’m so sad, I’ve got a fucking headache, I don’t want to go to work, I just don’t want to exist. I just want to cry… and die… and cry some more until I go blind. I hate my life, I hate it so much. I hate to drink and get so emotional but this is how I feel

I fucked up my life… yes my life is pretty fucked. I don’t want to be Marie anymore. I have no respect for myself. I’m thinking of ways to kill “Marie” just to make myself feel better. I want to be someone else... I just dont want to be Marie.

Maybe if I wasn’t so truthful, honest, loyal or faithful in my personal relationships. I guess I could still live with myself. I figure guys wont appreciate girls like me. Somehow if I continue to be myself I’m going to get hurt time and time again. So the conclusion is being a bitch isn’t so bad at all… I'm angry at myself... and because I'm angry at myself I cant control my own emotions. I want this feeling to stop. So I'm letting it go