If only I was an open book!

I’ve stressed on this matter before about honesty and trust. So far I have never broken a promise and if I have I hope to make it up some day. Right now I am as confused as ever, I feel like I’m hanging by a thread and anytime soon it’s going to snap and here I am still hanging and wondering “is there anyone down there to catch me if I fall?” who is going to take that responsibility and assure me that everything will be ok?. And if I fall will he cushion my fall or take a step back and watch me fall.. well that could happen considering that the average man will not take the risk of getting squashed by a falling over weight woman.

Anyway, I realized over the years that no one really stood up for me before. I always fought my own battles. I figures if there were anyone who really cared about me I wouldn’t have gone through this life alone. I never knew where I stand in any relationship except when I was proposed only then I knew that I was about to be some ones fiancé… well that was many years ago.. I’m no ones fiancé now! Other then that everyone else practically disappeared from my life. I questioned myself where I stood in their life. Gosh! It’s not like I want some kind of commitment, I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t get the wrong idea about the friendship. I don’t like giving people the wrong impression or getting the wrong impression myself. It’s best to know what kind of relationship we are in to avoid any confusion. I guess this approach is often misunderstood I don’t blame them for thinking so. I am the sort that will hang on to a relationship, I’m serious person and honest, mainly because I respect the person I’m with… I have no intentions to offend or disrespect them in anyway. I can’t expect anyone to do the same for me… but I would appreciate if they considered it though. I know there are consequences of taking this approach, there is that embarrassing moment, “perasan”, or maybe even disappointments but at least you know the out come of it. It’s better to sure. There is nothing wrong by saying I like you or I care about you... as a friend.. if it was me I would appreciate that person and respect them for saying that to me....

If I was an open book, I would like people to read about me, get to know and understand me better. Same goes for me also, I would like to know all about the people close to me, it’s not like I want to be nosy or anything like that but because I care and I would like to share as much as I can with them. I know not everybody is as open and want people to know everything about them and I respect that. I guess having a blog is pretty much like writing a book. Something we can share and some things we cant… and I cant include all the juicy parts. Other wise this blog would be rated 18sg.