Raven Marie

My Undying Heart

2012-02-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

There was a time in our life,
when I stood beside you as your wife,
a past life that seems so nice,
a life I would pay to have again at any price.

Long ago when we lived free,
You were taken away from me,
I sold my soul to follow thee,
because I swore forever we would be.

My love for you still remain,
although I'm reborn into a life of pain,
some things in life I can't explain,
this curse will break when we cross path again.

Know this.. we co-exist as a pair,
made for each other I swear,
branded with the mark we both share..
break this curse I bare.

It is forbidden that I reveal myself to you,
my love is like a taboo,
a deed only you can undo,
until then I'll still wait for you.

You are my only hope..my every desire,
the one I truely admire,
the love I wish to acquire,
Love me once again before this life expire.

The Heavenly Body.

2011-09-01T21:59:00.003+08:00

The bright star is approaching,
we will see the sky changing,
it get's closer in the morning,
we fear what it's bringing.

We are helpless in this coming event,
do what's necessary.. even if it means to repent,
forget the past and cherish the present,
what matters most is to seize the last moment.

We free ourselves from all material attachements,
Don't expect any speacial treatments,
just embrace your love ones and spare all judgements,
the world as we know it will be gone in an instant.

There will be no warning,
but we will see the bright star glowing,
it brings destruction with it's passing,
This was the vision I dreamt was coming.

The time is near when all life ends,
I hope it's not too late to make amends,
I'm sorry for any offends,
I seek forgiveness from all my family and friends.

The time has come for the bright star to shine,
when it does.. it's the end of all bloodline,
who is this bright star that will end such an intelligent design??
He is none other then the heavenly body who turns water into wine.

When the Sun Smiles :)

2011-08-29T04:08:00.000+08:00

When the Sun smiles,
I feel it for miles.
my heart stop beating for awhile,
it makes every moment worthwhile.

When the Sun smiles.. I share the joy,
happy like a child with a new toy,
takes me back to memories of you as a schoolboy,
back when we really knew how to enjoy.

When the Sun smiles... it warms my heart,
it's your light that I see in my art,
a sight I look forward to see before I start,
sadness is what I feel each time you depart.

Even now when the Sun smiles.. I feel the same,
same warm feelings from that old flame,
can never forget such a unique name,
and still my heart is here for you to claim.

Each time the Sun smiles.. I see right through you,
there is hurt in your heart that no one can undo,
just like the Sun you are unreachable too,
but you will continue to shine and so I will smile back at you.

Feelings unchanged.

2011-08-22T21:38:00.000+08:00

I often wonder why we have hidden feelings,
are we scared to face the secrets that we are keeping?
Some say the truth will reveal everything,
but only time permits such things from happening.

I fear time will make our memories fade,
but that's not what I am afraid.
I fear I've lost myself in this game I played,
I gamble my life for love I can not trade.

All my thoughts are of you,
dare I say "I can never stop loving you",
although these arms have never once held you,
but I can still feel you and will never forget you.

My feelings for you has always been this way,
ever since I layed eyes on you the first day,
you are perfect to me in everyway,
I cherish our time together, every moment of every day.

Don't be afraid I will never hurt you,
for I have always respected your virtues,
I know your heart cause I can see right through,
your friendship alone is what I value.

Here to love..

2011-08-21T14:08:00.001+08:00

Here I am sharing my life story in a poem,
I make mistakes but I've learned from all of them,
I don't want to be perfect so please don't condemn,
I choose to be different.. more like a rare gem.

Why am I here and who am I? .. I often ask,
am I here to complete an important task?,
must I go through this life wearing a mask?
or will I finally find the answers if only I am brave enough to ask?

I see someone in the mirror.. but it's not me,
I think it's someone I wish to be,
it's always someone else but never me,
maybe she is someone you would rather see.

My mind does not rest anymore,
and my life has become such a bore,
I may not be who I was before,
maybe that's why I feel my presents is not needed anymore.

If there is a pill to take,
that can cure this heart ache,
I wish to take it, with hopes that I can sleep at night and not stay awake,
so that I can dream of you until day breaks.

This thing called love...

2011-07-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

This thing called Love...
Oh! how it can makes us blind sometimes...
it's wierd how it clouds our mind and makes us unable to think clearly...
it's like our whole worlds just evolves around it...
everything in nature is nothing but love connections...
it's a trade all living things posses and even matter...
we are attracted to each other for a reason..
most of the time we don't fully understand the reasons why...
it all depends on our individual experiences...
some fall in love...
some fall out of love...
some jilted or lost a love one..
and some just refuse to experience love...
the reason we feel this way is because we allow it to feed on our energy...
positive reactions gives positive responses...
negative reactions gives negative responses...
it can be wonderful, this thing called love...
makes you smile all the time and feel happy..
makes you remember good and bad times with such details...
It makes a great difference in our lifes...
everyday always seems to be a good day...
you never get tired of hearing those 3 words...
and somehow you want to hear it more and more each passing day...
"I love you"
the sound of it just melts your heart away...
even brings tears to your eyes...
the joy it brings to the person you love is far greater then anything...
believe me it's worth everything...
I truly understand this feeling...
I've experienced it in every way...
I do not regret falling in love...
I'm not afraid of getting hurt...
because I know it will only make me stronger...
Love may have blinded me at first...
but it has open my eyes to a much more beautiful world...
a world where I can still see you...
happy and in love in the arms of another..
and it's ok, it will always be ok..
because I still have love in my heart and it's a priceless treasure...
I believe now that it's worth something....
it all depends if you can appreciate and see the beauty in it...
I have achieved the greatest enlightment...
I understand the true meaning of this thing call "LOVE"

A woman in love...

2011-07-24T14:08:00.002+08:00

I am a woman in love... Love has it's own cycle,
the heart is quite fragile,
love at times can be brutal,
it's because the love cycle is not a perfect circle.

I am a woman in love... I am one among those who is unfit,
that I must honestly admit,
Words alone is not enough to explain it,
my hopes is a target I can't hit.

I am a woman in love... what if my thoughts of you are no longer there,
would it mean that I no longer care?,
all I am is just a woman in love and in despair,
a woman who has long lost her flair.

I am a woman in love.. The end is so near,
but that is not what I fear,
I'm afraid to shead the last tear,
before I leave the one I hold so dear.

I am a woman in love... I wonder if my cycle is ending?,
what if my feelings no longer have a meaning?,
what if I get tired of hoping and waiting?,
is it because I am ageing and slowly fading?.

I am a woman in love.. I only have questions but no answers,
do not seek comfort from me because I don't know any better,
I tried but I could never love another,
sad as it may seem.. my feelings does not matter.

I am all that I am...
and I know thats all that I am...
will you ever see me for who I am??
just a woman in love.. thats all that I am...

For a friend

2011-07-08T02:58:00.003+08:00

I've loved you before anyone else could,
way back during our childhood.
it was never meant to be misunderstood,
I would give everything to correct it if I could.

I felt very threaten by this feeling,
I was scared and pretended like it was nothing,
that's why I went into writing,
to note down what I was hiding.

I did not deserve you then.. nor do I deserve you now,
You played a role in my life somehow,
feelings set aside.. I've made a vow,
to explain it.. I do not know how.

I move on only because that's all I can do,
I've taken many steps back.. just trying to undo,
I refuse to be a nuisance to you,
so no need to fear me.. I know where I stand too.

Time doesn't really heal the heart,
It will only be rid of when I depart,
I can't stand this feeling of being apart,
when all I hope for was only to be your friend and not your sweetheart.

Your future is what you make of it,
how to live your life and who you choose to be with,
you alone make your destiny the way you see fit,
I'm just someone from your past... nothing else.. that's about it!.

This is just a message I wish to convey,
I'm your friend who still cares for you at the end of the day,
I hope for good things and even love to come your way,
your happiness you must persue without delay,
so that everyday will be a great day!

I write because...

2011-06-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

I write because I am not expresive,
it's funny but this is who I am and how I live.
I have learned to easily forgive,
and not keep my feelings captive.

I write because I've never been heard,
all my life my questions unanswered,
and yet this is how I am inspired,
to keep my feelings appreciated and treasured.

I write because I am lonely,
no one here to share my thoughts daily,
there is nothing more I want badly,
then to just have a friend who fancies me.

I write because I can't stop thinking,
my mind does not rest or allow me to continue sleeping,
I stay awake and stare at the ceiling,
but all it does is remind me of what I'm feeling.

I write because the world is beautiful to me,
when the sun rises I'm happy as can be,
dispite all the cruelty and sadness I see,
when the sun sets and the day ends.. I know I'm free.

I write because I am in love and always will be,
it's what I feel deeply,
it fills my heart from being empty,
I hope not to loose it because it will mean the end of me.

Regret

2011-06-27T20:57:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to offer,
I see no future.. where I can live happily ever after,
when it comes to love I consider myself a failure,
it's no wonder why I've turned into a monster.

I have too many fears and turned them into excuses,
harmless excuses for trying to hide these bruises
my hopes are burried just like my dreams and wishes,
for I care more about my life then riches.

I've lived a life full of regrets,
how I wish I could erase my past and reset,
time is running out and so much I've not done yet,
I'm not ready to say goodbye when the sunsets.

I can't take back what no longer belongs to me,
I can't gain back what I have already lost you see..
this is not what I want my life to be,
if only I am allowed to just remain plain old me.

My heart and soul is what I gave,
it was meant for someone who needed to be saved,
I know life goes on and I must be brave,
maybe one day "I" too will be saved.

Everything

2011-06-26T09:31:00.000+08:00

People associate their lives in all forms of art,
but in reality there is always two parts,
love and hate are the same to the heart,
all things must come to an end to experience a new start.

Everything should matter to mankind,
Knowledge and education is what feeds our mind,
ignorance is what makes us blind,
a simple act of kindness and generosity is so hard to find.

Everything is made easy and may seem nice,
we gamble our lives with a piece of dice,
our health can be measured by the latest device,
and life itself can be extended for a fair price.

Everything is not always what it seems,
we only see what we want to see and believe in dreams,
we live in a box where no one hears our screams,
sacrifices we make for our lives to flow like a stream.

Everything is for you to acquire,
Pick and choose as what your heart desires,
beauty is always something to admire,
but it turns ugly when it's love and life expires.

Everything can change in a blink of an eye,
regardless for love or friendship we soon have to say goodbye,
with or without words either one can makes us cry,
should we even question or ask ourselves why?

Another Love Story

2011-06-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

My understanding of love has long matured,
my feelings and desires has always been secured,
the harshness of love I have already endured,
because I'm still able to love even when my heart is left uncured.

I've survived the pain of loosing a father,
but I've found comfort from loving another,
he inspires my world like no other,
it's a price I pay with my soul and remain a loner.

A life of solitude is what I chose,
I leave my heart open like the sky so exposed,
only my emotions are the ones that are left closed,
my story ends here I suppose.

The greatest love stories are always the ones that are denied,
stories.. inspired by what was deprived,
love remains a mystery and not easily defined,
mutual understanding is what makes it so divine.

Closure

2011-06-17T02:48:00.006+08:00

The thought of a broken heart is so unreal,
we all need is some time to heal,
and only time will one day reveal,
what's in our heart and how we truly feel.

We all have our reasons,
to keep our feelings in prison,
some feelings can't change like the season,
what can change is the person.

As the day pass by... the pain... we'll soon forget,
every day has an end when the sun sets,
there is always a moment to reflect,
and also a time for us to regret.

Sometimes we need closure,
instead of an answer,
there is no need to go through this torture,
because we will find a way to get over.

Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You [Official Music Video]

2011-06-14T05:22:00.000+08:00

Crayons

2011-06-12T11:52:00.005+08:00

When I'm awake... it feels like a dream,
more like a nightmare so it may seem,
I'm trapped in silence and I want to scream,
at times.. it seems a little too extreme.

When I am asleep... I go to other places,
in this world... I see so many familiar faces,
people that relate to good memories I wish not to erase,
they comfort me with so much love and grace.

If given a choice to be awake or asleep,
I would choose the world when I am asleep,
there I know my life I can keep,
I wont feel any pain from what's hurting me skin deep.

I am too afraid to face my fears,
too reserved to even shed a tear,
Perhaps one day my angle will appear,
and I shall sleep in peace for many years.

But before I find peace.. must I experience pain?
what else do I have to loose in order to gain?
Should I be angry at everyone and go insane?
When??... when will I ever be freed from these chains?

I have no choice but to go on,
with my talent I shall colour my life from now on,
and hope all my demons will one day be gone,
from now on I'll draw my new world with my lovely crayons =)

Goodnight Zerah

2011-06-08T23:55:00.005+08:00

Tonight the light will no longer hurt my eyes,
the word love no longer applies,
I choose to live in a world with no sunrise,
this world only exist in my mind.. I know it's unwise.

Tonight I'll sleep with no more dreams of tomorrow,
no one dear to hold... just my pillow,
the love in my heart is stolen.. and now it's hollow,
my mind blank with no thoughts.. just zero.

Tonight I whisper no more good nights,
I'll seek the comfort of the moonlight,
I might even be inspired again to write,
new feelings I can keep inside.

Tonight the tears from my eyes will run dry,
my heart does not beat the same way and I know why,
the old me must die and I must say goodbye,
I must make the best of what I have and I must not cry.

I share my thoughts...

2011-06-02T20:37:00.004+08:00

I love the sunlight in the morning,
I love walking in the rain,
I love the air that I breathe everyday,
I love the dirt on my feet.

I like the sound of my heart beating,
I like the way I'm feeling,
I like knowing that there is love in my heart,
I like day dreaming...

I wish I was more expressive,
I wish dreams could come true,
I wish to know what happiness is like,
I wish for only love in return.

I want the things I can't have,
I want to feel like everyone else,
I want to be someone else,
I want another chance to live again.

I would like to share my thoughts,
I would like to share my love,
I would like to share my life,
I would like to share my world.

I hate who I am,
I hate how I look,
I hate being alone,
I hate fact that I am still alive.

I feel love,
I feel pain,
I feel death growing inside me,
I feel nothing else.

I regret wasting time,
I regret keeping secrets,
I regret for the wrong choices I've made,
I regret for not listening to my heart.

I've cried myself to sleep,
I've cried for those I love,
I've cried for the things I've said,
I've cried all my life...

I envy those who are able to express,
I envy those who are brave,
I envy those who are strong,
I envy those who are loved.

Cast my heart away...

2011-06-02T07:00:00.000+08:00

I have no intentions to confess,
the feelings that once kept me strong is now making me depress,
I find it difficult to express,
my true feelings I have always suppressed.

It's ok to judge me or turn away,
I'm force to explain what I never wanted to say,
I don't expect you to feel the same way,
I'll understand even if the world reject me at the end of the day.

Due to an act so careless,
It is making me feel so anxious,
if you decide the matter should be discussed,
I'm sorry I'm not prepared to be completely honest,

I've held these feelings so secret,
even considered them so private.
I feel I've lost myself along with it,
I failed again in how the massage was transmitted.

For most people Love is just a feeling,
to me it's all I have left worth living,
it's what keeps the sun in my world shinning,
only I can define the true meaning.

There is no words left to say,
there is no way to reverse this day,
now I feel myself slowly drifting away,
my heart is slowly turning gray,
my hope to find love is no longer there....

When My life ends..

2011-05-28T14:23:00.002+08:00

Love is a virtue,
it's something I have and it's meant for you,
I fear my life is overdue,
the lines on my palm says it's true.

Each day seems like a step closer to the end,
I want to be happy and not just pretend,
can I ever make amends,
will this heart ever be mend??

I live for the days to come,
days that brings me closer to home,
in your arms is where my life will truly blossom,
will you still accept me for what I have become?

I see you but I cannot feel you,
my desires is yet to come true.
I want nothing more then to tell you the honest truth,
feelings for you.. when we were still in our youth.

My time is cut short.. I am dying inside,
these feelings I cannot hide,
I will have to swallow my pride,
I fear my love for you will somehow be denied.

Perhaps when time come to pass,
if fate is in our path,
maybe then, chance will be within our grasp,
I promise you My Love.. this time I'll make it last.

If I die today...

2011-05-08T01:45:00.002+08:00

My inspiration is almost lost...
My light is slowly fading...
My world is dying...
My time is ending...

I have so much to share but no chance to share it...
I was ill and nobody knew... nobody cared for me...
I wonder if I die today will anyone know that I'm gone...
I'm scared that one day I wont be here anymore...

The thought of spending my last moments alone, scares me...
This feeling of loneliness is getting to me...
It makes me sad that I can't express my feelings for him...
Will somebody tell him when I am gone...
will somebody tell him all the things I could not tell him myself...
Tell him I loved him all my life...
and he was the only one.. I truely wanted to be with...
If he hates me for it... tell him I'm sorry...

I am a creation of nature...
my wish is to return to it...
My body must be consumed by the fire...
My ashes must be carried by the wind...
and my resting place shall be sorrounded by water...

If I die today... I want to leave this world in peace...
I leave behind my family and friends...
I leave him behind as well..
because I can't bare the thought of them leaving me first...

I miss you...

2011-05-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

I've found the same,
I see you in me,
I want this feelings to be,
I really want you to see.

I know for sure.. I'll still be here,
I have been all these years,
nothing I wouldn't give to have you near,
my heart is for you, my love is sincere.

I can not stop thinking,
the moment I try.. my heart starts aching,
the thought of you keeps it beating,
If I stop loving you it wont stop bleeding.

You're all I want.. you're all I need,
you are so special.. special indeed,
is wanting too much of you.. considered as greed?
if that is what it is.. then I've commited a sin.

I've been waiting for today,
I've waited since yesterday,
even the day before,
if today never comes.. I still have tomorrow.

"Understanding" by Evanescene (Love this song so much)

2011-04-14T20:24:00.002+08:00

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No,no, no ,no.

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
(It all away)
"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'm dying too."
"Because I'm dying too."
"Because I'm dying too."
"Because I'm dying too."
"Because I'm dying too."

I think It's you!

2011-04-11T20:53:00.009+08:00

I believe you are that somebody for me,
I can't think of anybody that's worthy,
we make each other laugh and your jokes are so funny,
when we're together nothing else matters and we are carefree.

I admire you and think you're brilliant,
what wrong you may have done.. I don't pass judgement,
the past is gone... to others it may seem unpleasant,
but the experienced you gained speaks for the present.

You are different and that's what I like about you,
You are you and you remind me of me.. it's true,
it's not everyday I get to meet somebody like you,
all there is left to do is to pursue.

I doubt any one of us will make the first move,
our communication skills with each other is yet to improve,
It's funny.. we talk everything except Love,
hope the day will come when we both finally approve.

I never want you to change,
I love the fact that you are strange.
I miss your presence when ever you are away,
why is it so difficult for me to just say.

I feel my worst fears is about to come true,
you left me here standing without a clue,
should I continue to wait or start a new,
I just hope ..our time together is not overdue...

Dead Heart

2011-04-10T17:18:00.006+08:00

Perhaps I should have said it long ago,
I told myself this a thousand times before,
but I did write you a memo,
I didn't sent it because of my ego,
and I was also worried you would say no.

Everyone told me to forget you,
they suggested I find somebody new,
I did but I wanted them to be you,
It was a mistake and I ended up badly bruised.

You mean the world to me,
but sadly you will never see,
how you gave life to this dying tree,
only you could set me free.

I bared with this pain over the years,
I've cried so many tears,
I lived my life full of fears,
I no longer want to be here.

I'll take this deadly poison,
to rid of all my demons,
maybe then all the hurt will be gone,
Please forgive me.. I beg your pardon.

Tonight my world will be silenced,
I've run out of patience,
Please do not not miss me for my absence,
I'll be fine, trust me for once.

It's not my life that I want to kill,
It's my heart that's making me ill,
it wont heal even if I took a pill,
I'm forced to keep a dead heart against my free will.

Someone for me

2011-04-09T17:07:00.002+08:00

I hope one day I will meet someone,
just someone who can share my passion,
he doesn't have to be handsome,
all I want is someone who is not already taken.

When I look at him.. I see me,
he thinks alike in every degree,
he makes me believe that we were ment to be,
he is someone who cares and respects me.

With him.. I don't have to keep on leaving clues,
I would be brave to tell him the truth,
I don't need to hide... he can see right through,
and there is no reason to even argue.

I would submit myself in every way,
I'll always have a chance to say what I want to say,
my love for him will never decay,
everyday would be a perfect day.

I don't know what the future holds,
I still walk this road wearing a blindfold,
will I find him I dont know,
when I do.. the nights wouldn't be so cold.

I hope to meet someone like me,
my companion is who he will be,
someone who sees the world I see...
will not judge or ever hurt me,
someone I can love and loves me.

Feelings discarded

2011-04-08T06:03:00.009+08:00

Years of experience has thought us one thing,
we cant turn back time and stop aging,
the heart will not stop aching,
it's impossible to keep it from breaking.

Everything we do is significant in a way,
constantly reminded we are still here on our Birthday,
try not to look back thats the only way,
make every moment count and live for today.

We associate our memories with a song,
good or bad the feeling comes on too strong,
at times we feel like we don't belong,
however we must accept what comes along.

Love can break and heal a heart,
the pain is what we wish to be discard,
Our love ones we wish never to part,
true love is what we seek from the very start.

Feelings discarded leads to emptiness,
we fool ourselves and it becomes our weakness,
we consume a lie and it becomes a sickness,
in the end without feelings... we are all voiceless.

Forgive yourself.. you can be saved,
face your fears.. you are not alone..so be brave.
Don't bury yourself in an unmarked grave,
live up to your name so that we can have it engraved.

Misfortune (A Song I wrote 14 years ago)

2011-04-07T06:30:00.000+08:00

A Mother cries...tears fall like rain,
she brings life into this world,
it brings her joy.. full of grace,
she closes her eyes,
grateful she prays,
alone she prays,
in a soft meloded tune.

Mother cries.. tears fall like rain,
she sings a song to the one she loves,
Oh.. it cant be ignored,
for all she wants is her love in return,
Proudly she prays,
alone she prays,
for a long life ahead.

within a flash her love is lost,
taken away,
oh.. the pain is breaking her heart,
no more she prays,
in that soft meloded tune,
when a mothers cries tears fall like rain.

Mother sings her last lullaby,
she closes her eyes and says goodbye,
sadly she gaze for the last time today,
no more pain,
now no more she'll pray,
no more she'll praise,
A mothers cries.. tears fall like rain.
Misfortune.

I don't want to say Goodbye

2011-04-05T06:56:00.004+08:00

I hide this feelings and you are not aware,
I wish you knew how much I care,
I need you so.. like I need the air,
If only we had a chance to share,
I know we'll make a perfect pair.

When I'm not with you.. I feel so blue,
ask me anything and there is nothing I won't do,
if only you knew,
how long I've loved you.

The days are getting closer,
and we might not be here any longer.
I dread the thought of leaving you here,
Who will then dry your tears,
I don't want you to be alone My Dear.

The last thing I leave behind,
is for you to know.. that my love for you was never blind,
I'm sorry, my love for you... I could not defined,
but sincerity is what you will find,
I hope the memory of me will stay in you mind.

If only we had a chance to be with each other,
our world would probably be brighter,
now I have to leave this world only to live in another,
maybe in the next life we could be together,
but one thing for sure.. my love for you will last forever.

I don't want to say goodbye,
I don't want you to see me cry,
but my life is something money cant buy,
I don't want to say goodbye,
Please forgive me but I have to die.

Love me tender - Elvis Presley

2011-04-04T15:21:00.001+08:00

Love me tender,
love me sweet,
never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
and I love you so.

Love me tender,
love me true,
all my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin' I love you,
and I always will.

Love me tender,
love me long,
take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
and we'll never part.

Love me tender,
love me dear,
tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
till the end of time.

A New Journey

2011-04-01T07:53:00.000+08:00

Life is a journey with no boundaries,
even if time reminds us that we are in our thirties,
there is no real need for worries,
age is just a time line we note down in our diaries.

Life is a journey with no directions,
were it ends.. depends on our actions.
we seek love with caution,
to find our match and share our passion.

The first step is the hardest part,
to open up ourself to what is locked in our hearts,
our form of expressions should be a work of art,
our destiny is written in the charts.

It takes two to discover the meaning of love,
it take two to appreciate what was sent from above.
It will take a moment to get to know each other,
but it will take a lifetime to understand one another.

The heart is stronger then what it may seem,
it can withstand up to the most extreme,
love is something we must all redeem,
or forever in prison the one we love in our dreams.

Mon Amour

2011-03-30T05:34:00.018+08:00

My world is beautiful,
because people like you make it so wonderful.
when I'm with you this world is so peaceful,
without you my world would have been awful.

I consider myself lucky to stumble upon you,
I believe it was chance that brought me to you,
it is your friendship that I value,
I hope this relationship will continue.

Nothing matters more,
then to see you happy.. Mon amour.
You are the one that I truly adore,
Seeing you sad would make my heart sore.

I care so much.. I can feel your pain,
I once cried for you but never in vain,
I waited for you.. out here in the pouring rain,
If I could.. I'll do it again and again.

You've been part of my world and always will be,
there is something so beautiful in you that only I could see,
I know I don't belong with you and there is no room for me,
I love you so much.. I just wish you could see.

Your head is strong but your heart is weak,
but that's what makes you so unique.
hope one day you will find the love you seek,
trust me when you do... it will be a winning streak.

You deserve the best in everything you do,
Maybe someday you'll be happy with somebody new.
I envy her who is lucky to have you,
Nothing I wouldn't do to be in her shoes.

Until that day comes I'll still be here,
day or night as long as it's clear,
I'll come to you no matter how far or near,
you'll never be alone so no need to fear.

I know my heart will withstand the hurt,
if she does somehow win your heart,
it is then that I shall depart,
if there was a cure for a broken heart...
I wish before the sun sets..
My world will find a way to a new start.

He is Perfect.. But I'm Not!!

2011-03-28T06:26:00.003+08:00

Why does everyone say
"The perfect guy is out there.. waiting to find me?"
Is there such a person.. I mean The Perfect guy?..
does he really exist?
I would like to know what is it that makes him perfect?..
is it good looks? does he have nice eyes?
is he rich? does he drive a big shiny expensive car?
does he own a mansion?? or is he a Doctor?

I ask again what is it that makes a man perfect?
is it his great personality? is he funny?
will he make me laugh at his jokes?
is it because of the way he speaks?
or is it the way he makes me feel?
isn't that what every woman is looking for?

Really... does the perfect guy realy exist?
is he going to make me feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world?
is it because he never forgets my birthday?
will he shower me with gifts and flowers on Valentines day?
I'm curious ... still.. what makes him so perfect?

He must be the guy that I've been dreaming of!!
He's the one I write about.. isn't he???
Perhaps one day he will fall from the sky?
I can't believe every woman will find their perfect guy...
WOW!!! what a dream come true...
finally, I'll meet someone made for me
he is out there!!! looking for me???
it's so exciting!!

But wait!!....

why would there be a perfect guy for me?
I am not perfect..
look at me... Im hidious!!
If he is so perfect, he wouldn't want to be with someone like me
I have nothing to offer.. I am nobody!
why would he want me? I don't understand.
will he make fun of me? or am I just a joke to him?

This cant be true..this is a mistake...
it's not possible... who could ever love me?
if he is so perfect.. he must not find me..
I can't let him see me like this..
he will be so dissapointed...
I am not perfect like him...
theres no such thing... it can't be true..
there is no perfect guy for me...
silly of me to believe in myths!
He does not exist!

I'll make an acception!!

2011-03-27T17:10:00.010+08:00

It's not easy to explain,
playing with feelings is not a game,
understanding is something we must attain,
trust is something we must learn to maintain.

I am expressive in my own way,
feel free to challenge me one day,
be prepared for what I have to say,
so when ever you're ready let's go out and play.

I care less for tradition and religion,
and I am entitled for my own opinions,
I don't like playing the game of deception,
but that doesn't mean I want people to alter their perceptions.

Not everyone agrees with each other,
just like a quarrel between a mother and daughter,
they fail to understand one another,
in the end they regret for the words they utter.

we can always compromise and give in once in a while,
I want to make every moment worthwhile,
what ever obstacles that may come by ..
I will accept it with a smile.

I don't mind if people think I'm bizzare,
who the fuck do they think they are??
run me down and see if I care,
your sins are yours to bare,
there are demons everywhere,
there is a reason to be scared,
so be careful and beware,
You will see me in your nightmares!

Turn back in Time

2011-03-26T07:50:00.009+08:00

If I could turn back time,,
I would have made you mine,
to me.. in every way.. you were so fine,
it's no doubt you were my prime.

If I could.. I would go back to the day,
when the sky wasn't so gray,
when everyday was a great day,
when I was still free to play.

Back then.. we could talk for hours on end,
stories of our lives and future plans,
talking to you.. was time well spend,
you are and always will be a true friend.

It was way back in time.. when I noticed your smile,
so many times my heart stopped for a while,
you and your funny peculiar style,
thats what so great about your profile.

My feelings started to grow much more,
it was getting to strong to ignore,
I didn't want love to be such a bore,
so in my heart is where that feeling was stored.

It was then I learned that I was in love,
and love is what I was deprived of,
It was that time that I really wanted to live,
you are the reason I spared my life.

I wish to go back in time,
back when everything was fine,
it was then, that you were truely mine,
back when the sun really did shine.

The Last Letter...

2011-03-23T22:04:00.010+08:00

To My dearest....

I write you this letter,
to say I'm sorry I reacted out of anger,
I wish things would have been better,
I would have told you..if only I was braver.

I am scared to admit,
how my message would transmit,
I don't expect you to commit,
maybe one day I'll tell you.. if fate would permit.

I didn't want you to leave,
I didn't think you would.. I was so naive,
and when you did.. I just couldn't believe,
you stole my heart just like a thieve.

You made me so angry,
I blamed you for treating me so cruelly,
truth is I missed you like crazy,
and I want to be with you so badly.

I waited and waited for you to call,
your name was carved on my wall,
but I guess I meant nothing to you at all,
I moved on hopping never to fall.

You breathe life in me,
You gave me a purpose to live,
You mean the world to me,
if only you could see.

If you are reading this letter,
it clearly means I am no longer here,
my feelings for you are sincere,
I wished I told you my dear.

My heart belong to you,
I surrendered my soul too.
This letter is enclosed for you,
I just wanted to say...
I loved you.

Yours sincerely,
The Girl you once knew...

Loneliness

2011-03-21T05:40:00.001+08:00

The sky is gray when times are bad,
it starts to rain when I'm feeling sad.
Thunder and lightning when I get mad,
all this because of a lad.

I thought my heart was healing,
so I played with my feelings.
This layers I have is slowly peeling,
it's making me so unappealing.

A thousand times stabbed in the heart,
My Life has fallen apart.
I need a new start,
before my soul depart.

I put my hopes aside,
all I have left is my pride,
what's next I will soon decide,
pick up the pieces along the ride.

I've driven so far and now I'm lost,
I am not afraid of shadows or ghost,
I promise to protect My World at all cost,
Where is My angel when I need him the most.

Wrap your wings around me,
with you is where I want to be,
if only you could see,
only then would I be free.

Class Of 1995

2011-03-20T01:08:00.020+08:00

The year was 1995,
It was the best year of our lives,
we were all in form five,
it's still a wonder how we survived.

Friends are the people we grew up with,
we shared our life stories and created some myths.
Generation X is what we were labeled with!!
SO WHAT.. All we had was our wits!

The experience we had... we share among us,
no one would believe.. if we told it to others.
We were in school but no one there to teach us,
I can't remember... were there any teachers??....

Our attendance in class wasn't all that great,
coz most of us fled through the gate,
the popular spot would be at KFC or the arcade,
that's were we would meet all our classmates.

The boys were disciplined for keeping long hair,
as revenge they dismantle the teachers chair.
They smoked in the toilet and that was their lair,
most of the time they walked out of school to get some fresh air.

Many things happen during school year,
We were competative among our peers.
The girls skip PE class through out the year,
usisng PMS as an excuse and pretended it was severe.

Our homework was given but never completed,
we copied from one person at the very last minute.
all the answers and errors we forgot to edit,
in the end, we got cought... dammit!

I don't recall us studying much that year,
all I could remember was things flew by our ear.
Chalks, brooms, bags, books ... you name it My Dear!,
oh! and some fool blew up the science classroom.. I hear.

There was a huge commotion,
Sadly no one died in the explosion,
NO!! They didn't plan for a demolition,
it was just the wrong chemical composition.

The canteen food had nothing much to pick,
I fished out a cockroach with a chopstick,
it was in my noodle soup and it made me sick,
if only the school had a bloody clinic.

I still hate the canteen cook,
before I ate I should have looked,
I think one day.. I'll write a book,
about the cockroach that was undercooked.

We sat through our SPM examination,
We scored OK and received our certifications,
some of us didn't achieve our parents expectations,
It would have been different if we had more motivation.

We left school that year and said goodbye,
None of us expected how time would fly,
we didn't realize all the years had gone by,
to busy with our own lives I can not deny.

The memories we share.. puts a smile on my face,
we made this world such a crazy place.
16 years later on Facebook.. we finally reunite!!
Let's go out and lepak tonite.

Cheers! Class of 1995 (5A1)

I'm still awake

2011-03-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

I stay awake at night thinking about you,
it's because I have nothing better to do.
I can be me.. when I am with you,
nothing I need to do to impress you.

You've seen me in my finest,
you've seen me in my worst.
But can you truely see,
behind this mask.. the real me?

I am ashamed of how my life has progressed,
feel so stress and depress.
What can I do to turn this life around?,
I feel as though my hands are bound.

I can write poems about loneliness,
It's because I feel so much emptiness.
you are my source of inspiration,
but writing is the only way to release my frustration.

I am afraid the darkness will consume me,
but in the dark is where I want to be.
You left me while I was sleeping,
now I stand here alone weeping.

You were the only one who gave me guidance,
now My Life is out of balance.
I feel so helpless and useless,
can't sleep anymore.. I'm so restless.

I wish these feelings would all go away,
I feel no different any other day.
Will I stay forever feeling this way,
Only in My World the sky is always gray.

Secrets!!

2011-03-19T00:04:00.001+08:00

I see things most people don't see,
I know things most people don't know,
I can hide the pain behind the smile you see,
I'll smile for YOU My Angel.. even you can't see through me.

I wear a mask and it's a smiling face,
it protects my very delicate base.
I'll smile through all the hurt and pain,
it's no wonder I've gone insane.

I have a secret I can not share,
the burdon is too much to bare.
Secrets are meant to be untold,
somethings are better left alone.

It will remain a crush,
but do not mistaken it for lust.
I think about you day after day,
I even plan sometimes what I want to say.

If you ask me and I lie to you,
it clearly means it's all about you.
Forgive me if I choose not to tell,
it's still a secret I do not wish to sell.

Like a spell I cast buried in my soul so deep,
in my heart this secret I will keep.
You will hear my voice but will never hear me speak,
Kiss me and I'll tell you this secret that you seek.

I dream of Angels

2011-03-18T11:19:00.004+08:00

I had a dream that I was an Angel,
mysterious and dark I was in a jungle.
I had huge black wings and it was amazing,
I just couldn't stop gazing.

Another angel fell from the sky,
her screams were horrific as she started to cry.
She was badly wounded and her wings was broken,
was she cast out.. the truth is left unspoken.

The Angel of Mercy who came to comfort her,
she treated the wounds but could never cure.
She shed a tear to the fallen one,
her glow is fading because her love is gone.

The Angel of Grief came along beside her,
sympathy is what she brought together.
Dissapointed she was with the creator,
He who cast down the most beloved into a crater.

I saw many angels as I was dreaming,
each and everyone of them had a different meaning.
They play a role in which they believed in,
the ugly truth is nothing but a sin.

There she was... The Angel of the Broken Hearted,
she came towards me with a bleeding heart.
She wore a red dress the colour of blood,
her wings seems like it was bleeding.. I thought it was odd.

She held out my hand and gave me a heart,
I was scared and wanted to part.
She turned around and walked away,
her dress was white that's what she wore on her wedding day.

I felt the heart beating in my hand,
I refused to accept it but was it all planned.
I asked her to wait but she dissapeared into the night,
There I saw HIM standing in the light.

I could not see his face but he had wings like mine,
he was the one "My Angel" and he gave me a sign.
An Innocent child lay beside my feet,
is it destiny that I am about to meet.

He came to me in another dream,
it was his heart that he came to redeem.
He wrapped his wings around me as he gazed,
it was then that I saw his face.

I knew then what my dream was about,
it was time I found out.
Love... is what I was seeking and I shall receive it,
but from someone who doesn't need it.

In The End... The Lost Angel Of Solitute

2011-03-18T08:49:00.000+08:00

Knowing you has been so much fun,
you gave me joy from day one.
If ever my Life could be complete,
it would be having you next to me, My sweet.

It's hard to tell what you are thinking,
when you stare without blinking.
You are different when you are serious,
you know how I feel and you are curious.

I can pretend I do not feel it,
I lie to myself and you know it.
close your eyes and just ignore these emotions,
we might cause a commotion.

Ignore the subject of that time and of that day,
I remember I didn't get to say what I wanted to say.
I'm glad I didn't get a chance to confess,
I would have be even more depress.

No one likes being rejected,
it's like having venom injected.
Dare not risk distroying a good relationship,
what values most is true friendship.

There will come a day when all things will never be the same,
My Life, My world will soon come to an end.
Will you still remember my name if you are able,
believe me when I say this.. "I Never wanted to leave you My Angel"

Still Waiting.

2011-03-17T08:47:00.007+08:00

The story of My Life is written in poems,
sometimes even in songs and rhythms.
My world is in a form of art,
feelings for My Angel is only love in my heart.

I've painted a picture,
of the things we shared together.
In that picture.. I expressed my emotions,
I also pledge my fullest devotion.

I've tried to look away,
I've tried but it's been many days,
yet I am still waiting,
here in the dark staring at the painting.

Something is telling me to wait,
even though I know it's already late.
I sit here alone and wonder,
how long will it take for you to discover.

It took me a long time to recover,
but the truth is.. I never got over.
If I have to.. I'll wait forever,
for you to save this dying flower.

Lyrics to a Song

2011-03-16T07:28:00.008+08:00

Like the lyrics to a song,
that's how you came along.
Like a happy moment back in time,
life... was so fine.

I knew the meaning of your name,
I knew then life will never be the same.
I see something in you,
must admit I felt it too.

I see you standing there,
Please.. forgive me if I stop to stare.
the sight of you melts my heart,
you are simply.. a work of art.

My Life only means something with you in it,
My World only exist because you live in it.
You will always be My Angel,
you don't even know you're special.

This feelings I have,
is sincere and true.
I fail when it comes to love,
I do not wish to fail you.

I'm sorry I keep this feelings from you,
in order to keep it pure.
I fear of loosing you once I have you,
that I know for sure.

I tell myself "Your world is not made for me",
"it is not where I belong".
words and rhythm is what makes a good song,
happy we will be as we sing along.

Key to my heart.

2011-03-15T08:13:00.007+08:00

I lay in bed and let my mind wonder,
I miss you so much, my heart grows fonder.
I know I am lost, so lost without you,
this secret I have is all about you.

I close my eyes wishing you are here,
I close my eyes and I see you near.
How sweet it is. .to be with you,
How sweet it is to open these eyes only to see you.

It hurts sometimes to be alone,
here with me is where you belong.
I promise never to leave,
but when I do... it would be the last time I breathe.

I have loved so many,
but never once have I been loved by somebody.
Real love is something I have not experienced before,
could it be you that I have been waiting for?

I know with love comes great pain,
but without pain it wouldn't be love.
I'll continue to love no matter how much it hurt,
Only you have the key to unlock my heart.

All I can do is hope,
All I can do is dream.
I'll go to bed with you in my mind,
hoping some day you will be mine.

The night has come and the stars are so bright,
no matter where you are together we'll dream at night,
Sleep tight until the morning light,
my life, my world, my angel...Good night.

A poem for My first Love.

2011-03-11T22:43:00.008+08:00

Strangers we were when we first met,
Young, naive and careless but that's how it went,
It is you who stole my heart,
It was you that made me whole,

I fell in love for the way you made me feel,
you strengthen my weaken heart into a heart of steel,
I lost my world but you gave me another,
you gave me comfort unlike no other.

Every night before I close my eyes,
I see your face and it makes me wonder,
is it me you think of before you close your?,
I guess it's just a thought for me to pounder.

If I had a wish It would be to wake up beside you,
to feel your heart beating together with mine,
To feel your skin and taste your lips too,
how I long to be with you.

Kiss me goodnight before I sleep my sweet Angel,
Say you'll never leave me and I will believe,
Kiss me goodbye before I leave,
give me a piece of your heaven.. thats all I need.

This feelings I have will never fade away,
it's what drives me to live another day,
so remember I love you with all my heart,
I gave my soul to you from the very start.
My Life, My World, My Angel.

Angel Management Team

2011-03-10T16:41:00.004+08:00

According to the Christian Bible, angels are the messengers of god.The term angel is found in many religions and is believed to be a spiritual being that carries out gods will and they are the guardians for all living things. Ok great..

So basically Planet Earth is one huge Company... God is the Managing Director and Jesus is the CEO of Heaven Sdn. Bhd. The archangels are the management team and we humans just exist for what ever purpose la.. most of us don't really know why we are here in the first place...

Lets get to know our archangels and ranks shall we??...

Malachim (messengers), general word for angel a.k.a (kiss ass)
Lucifer (light-bearer), angel that challenges god a.k.a (Union Chairman)
Michael (who is like God), performs God's kindness a.k.a ( Personal Relation)
Gabriel (the strength of God), performs acts of justice and power a.k.a (Lawyer)
Raphael (God Heals), God's healing force a.k.a (Panel Doctor)
Uriel (God is my light), leads us to destiny a.k.a (HR manager)
Seraphim (the burning ones), sing and praise God a.k.a (Priest)
Malach HaMavet (the angel of death)the meaning is self explanatory a.k.a (Undertaker)
Satan (the prosecutor), brings people's sins before them in the heavenly court a.k.a (executioner)I'm surprised wikipedia listed him in to the list of angels..
Chayot HaKodesh (the holy beasts)I don't know what he does really but I'll give him a title anyway a.k.a (Guard Dog)
Ophanim (arbits) Astrological Influence a.k.a (Tok Bomoh)
HaMerkavah (the chariot), transports God's glory a.k.a (Driver)

Gosh... no wonder the world is so messed up!! I'll post part 2 when I am free to write la then maybe I'll get to the point why I am writing this post in the first place..

Just Words...

2011-03-03T21:28:00.012+08:00

I wrote this post a few weeks ago... but I somehow didn't want to post it... I'm not good at writing poems... when I try to rhyme certain words it just don't sound right to me, so this is not a poem... just words I guess..

We don't always get to say the things we want to, to the people that actually matter in our life. I find it hard sometimes especially if it's a guy, I've tried and failed a few times before. The message that I am trying to convey does not come out the way I wanted it to and end up messing a perfectly good relationship only to be misunderstood. Most of the time I choose not to say anything... and end up writing blogs like these to actually express what I really want to say but by then it's already too late.. I rather feel depress then relieve... very pathetic actually.

I know there is only one shot to make things right but sometimes it's just not meant to be. Sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything. Tell your heart that he was never yours. Be happy for him and the person that he is with. The reason he choose her and not you is because he wants to be with her and not you. If you really love him you would let him go.. there is no point loving someone who can not love you in return. If I had the balls.. which I don't.. I would like to say these words... It may not mean anything at all... like I said it's just words...

Me, I'm scared of everything,
I'm scared of who I am,
what to say and what to do,
but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room,
and never feeling for the rest of my life,
the way I feel when I'm with you.

I'm not supposed to be here,
I'm not supposed to care,
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there,
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do or who you are with,
I'm not supposed to feel this way.. but I do.
from the moment I met you... I knew,
I am not suppose to fall in love with you,
but I did.

All I want is to see you smile,
It melts my heart each time you do,
All I could wish for is just one kiss,
that alone is my only wish,

The sound of your laughter and the look in your eyes,
brightens up my day even at the darkest hour,
I wish I could tell you but sadly I just realized,
I'm not made to suit your desire,

You will always be special and only I will know why,
you will always be the one and only guy,
the memories we have i will not forget,
Every moment we spent I will cherish it till death

I must put my feelings aside now,
and tell my heart to let you go,
but that does not mean I do not love you anymore,
the love I have for you is more the my heart can endure,

you are and always will be My Life, My World , My Angel,
Do not hate me or part from me.. it will cause great pain,
and pain is something I can not bare,
This pain I speak of is killing what is left of me,
I fear it because whatever that is left of me is YOU.

In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death- Marilyn Manson

2011-02-20T23:48:00.007+08:00

We have no future
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be a king
then I'd know that I am not alone

Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone

Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all

she puts the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes

she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes

I personally like this song... I think it is beautifully written and I know not many people will agree with me on this, it's because not many people I know will relate themselves to any Marilyn Manson song.

I relate this song to my personal experiences when it comes to relationships... for some reason before my relationship starts I always see the end of it. The reason is I can never see myself good enough for anyone. I have yet to find someone who thinks I am good enough for them. At times I hate looking at myself, I know for a fact that I am weak and I allow people to mentally hurt me with their mind games. I use to strongly believe that each and everyone of us is born in pairs... we all have a soul mate. Sometimes people find their soul mate at the other end of the world and some people meet theirs by chance right in front of their eyes.. but lately I believe not all of us are made in pairs.

Anyway, I would like to translate this song... this is my interpretation of coz maybe it might make some sense after I interpret it... so here goes.

He (Marilyn Manson) sees no future with the girl that he is in love with, he feels like he was not made for her, she is heaven to him.. he is miserable and only she can give him a piece of what heaven is like. He wish to be someone important maybe then he would be worthy enough for her. He feels very negative about himself and worthless.

Everything seems dead to him and he does not believe in the law, religion, media, superstition, myth and God... his world has already come to an end and he wants to end it

She is the only one that can change the way he feels... she can bring him back to life and she is the only one who can change the way he feels about himself

My heart is nothing but a pebble....

2011-02-19T00:20:00.005+08:00

My heart is like a pebble and it's worthless just like a pebble.
I gave you my pebble because I thought it was special.
I gave you my pebble because I wanted only you to have it..
I once loved that pebble because it meant something to me..
but I gave you my pebble because I trust you would keep.

My gift is my pebble.. love it and care for it...
but my pebble means nothing compared to your sparkling Ruby.
You can throw my pebble, hide it, forget about it or even loose it..
do not worry... a pebble will always be just a pebble..

I wish to find my pebble again one day.. the same old pebble I once loved.
All I want is my pebble back.. because I realize now that you never really wanted it.
How could anyone appreciate a pebble like mine.
I still wonder where could my pebbel be??
in the drain?, bushes? or is it over the hills??
All I want is my pebble back...
Only I can see something beautiful in my pebble.

The Cougar in Mythology.

2011-02-07T23:12:00.009+08:00

The grace and power of the cougar have been widely admired in the cultures of the indigenous peoples of the Americas. The Inca city of Cusco is reported to have been designed in the shape of a cougar, and the animal also gave its name to both Inca regions and people. The Moche people represented the puma often in their ceramics. The sky and thunder god of the Inca, Viracocha, has been associated with the animal.

In North America, mythological descriptions of the cougar have appeared in the stories of the Hocąk language ("Ho-Chunk" or "Winnebago") of Wisconsin and Illinois and the Cheyenne, amongst others. To the Apache and Walapai of Arizona, the wail of the Cougar was a harbinger of death

Yup that sounds interesting alright!!
Camel and I met up for a drink last night at Old Town Coffee in Rampai Business Park. We talked about stuff that was going on in our lives and we were quite sick by how our lives are turning out to be... I mean we are sick of the same old things, too scared to do anything anymore and blaming it all on our age is really no excuse..

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEN TO US??? that's the big question... I remember myself being very out going and head strong... wild and uncontrolable. I performed on stage and danced on night club podiums for god sakes!! and here I am now so conservative??? wtf???? this is lame!! I have so much to live for and what am I doing about it??? I am wasting my time and watching myself rot! I have forgotten how to live...

Well it's time we all stop feeling pity for ourselves... It's time to start living again. Camel and I have started a small group of only 4 members.. she wanted to name the group "The CoolGurlz" I was like... NO WAY!!! it sounds like a chinese girl band.. I rather name it "The Cougars" and it sounds better too!! We both agreed on it and decided that we go ahead with the idea as soon as possible.

It's not like we are going to start painting the town red or anything like that... but organise some social gatherings or even trips.... THEN we paint the town red!!! heheh... It's just going to be Me, Camel,Azie and Lynette. We are not recruiting anyone else at the moment.. It's an experiment group and The Cougars does not mean wimmin in their 30's looking for younger men ok!! infact we are going to leave the men out of this... the cougar is a beautiful animal...

Sunday Morning..

2011-02-06T10:41:00.003+08:00

I had one of those weird dreams where everything and everyone in that dream plays a significant role in the real world. Usually when I dream of something like this, it means something. I understand what the dream meant and it makes a lot of sense in which direction I have to move into to make these changes in my life and still stay true to myself.

I was up late chatting with an old friend and I only had a few hours of sleep. woke up around 6.30am and just stayed in bed with my eyes open wide until 10am... I mean I don't have any appointments today... it's been re-shedule to next Sunday. I'm just going to stay at home and relax I suppose unless something comes up.

My brother and family stayed at my mothers house last night respraying my brother in laws car.. so I had the whole apartment to myself... free to walk around in my panties and care free.. eheh.

It's really great to finally live on my own...I like the privacy!

I have to let it go!

2011-02-05T16:58:00.004+08:00

A lot of us tend to hold on to the past... it's not a bad thing really. It's a constant reminder of who we once were and how we see ourselves now and what we want to be in the future... but somethings we just have to let go and accept the fact that we shouldn't hope so much especially for the things we can never have.

I ask myself what can I keep? and what can I let go?.
Well... I can keep my memories! I have so many good memories and bad ones. I don't think I can forget even if I tried and I've said that many times before. What I need to let go is my feelings associated with those memories...

I am in the process of turning my life around, and that also means I am ready to change again. I will change for the better of coz and making changes does require alot of work, I know that because all I do is change everytime something drastic happens in my life.. It's actually very depressing... I often wish I was somebody else or didn't exist at all. Truth is... I honestly don't know who I am anymore.

I need to focus and my mind needs to be clear. My feelings and emotions is the only thing that is holding me back. So what can I do? knowing me .. I will do absolutely nothing.. but I can't keep doing that.. my mind is clouded right now because of the feelings I have... I have to let it go!

Happy Chinese New Year! 2011

2011-02-03T03:09:00.004+08:00

This year I'm celebrating CNY with my family here in KL. Had dinner at my mother's place and waited for my brother and his 2 children to come from Johor. My eldest brother and his wife couldn't make it this time because his wife is expecting their first child and the doctor advised her not to travel because she is in a delicate condition.

I've invited Clifton and his 2 children to stay at my place, they will be here until Sunday. My mom and Jessica decided to stay over night too. Well at least I wont be alone tonight. It's their first time visiting me in my apartment since I moved out. I offered my bed to the girls and my mom to sleep on... I layed out a mattress in the living room for my brother and his son.. I don't have any more mattresses so I just put a blanket on the floor for me to sleep on, It's nice and cool down here. They like the apartment, even though it's quite empty.

Clifton has work tomorrow... so that means I have to look after the children while he is away.. the little one Damien (5 years old) is not use to staying with anyone else other then his mother who did not come to KL for what reason I don't know. So I hope he will be ok when he wakes up in the morning. The children already informed me what they wanted for breakfast.. so I can prepare it before they wake up... looks like it's 2 half boiled eggs and milo for Sabrina, french toast and milo for Jessica and Damien, Clifton wants a cup of strong coffee only, My mom and I will be having eggs and sausages. Going to be a busy morning for me... and I am still awake at this hour!!

The children will spend the rest of the day with my mom in her house... that will give me some time to clean up and relax before they return at night again. Anyway I hope they enjoy their stay here and have a memorable CNY this year.

Tell the truth... be honest!

2011-02-01T21:37:00.003+08:00

The reason why I even started to blog again is because I want to feel comfortable expressing myself... I seem to have lost that freedom to be expressive for the past year or so. I have come to the conclusion that if I can't be honest to myself then no one should even trust me. I have always been truthful in everything I say and do. The truth is not that easy to handle sometimes but it is necessary, I strongly feel that way.

So, If anyone have any questions to ask... I will answer them truthfully no matter how personal it may be. Bring up about the past or present...but be prepared for it, you might not expect it!

Inspirational quotes "Buddha"

2011-01-30T11:33:00.003+08:00

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Better than a thousand hollow words
Is one word that brings peace.
Better than a thousand hollow verses
Is one verse that brings peace.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

There is no fire like passion
No crime like hatred,
No sorrow like separation,
No sickness like hunger,
And no joy like the joy of freedom.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?
Buddha
Dhammapada.

It is better to conquer yourself
Than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
Not by angels or by demons,
Heaven or hell.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

You are the source
Of all purity and impurity.
No one purifies another.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

It is better to do nothing
Than to do what is wrong.
For whatever you do, you do to yourself.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

To share happiness.
And to have done something good
Before leaving this life is sweet
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Master your words.
Master your thoughts.
Never allow your body to do harm.
Follow these three roads with purity
And you will find yourself upon the one way,
The way of wisdom.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

The fragrance of sandalwood and rosebay
Does not travel far.
But the fragrance of virtue
Rises to the heavens.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Buddha

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.
Buddha

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

The mind is everything; what you think you become.
Buddha

Therefore, be ye lamps unto yourselves, be ye a refuge to yourselves. Hold fast to Truth as a lamp; hold fast to the truth as a refuge. Look not for a refuge in anyone beside yourselves. And those, who shall be a lamp unto themselves, shall betake themselves to no external refuge, but holding fast to the Truth as their lamp, and holding fast to the Truth as their refuge, they shall reach the topmost height.
Buddha
Mahaparinibbana Sutta.

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.
Buddha

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.
Buddha

On a long journey of human life, faith is the best of companions; it is the best refreshment on the journey; and it is the greatest property.
Buddha

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.
Buddha

The greatest prayer is patience.
Buddha

With gentleness overcome anger.
With generosity overcome meanness.
With truth overcome deceit.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

For in craving pleasure or in nursing pain
There is only sorrow.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Never speak harsh words
For they will rebound upon you.
Angry words hurt
And the hurt rebounds.
Like a broken gong.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Let go of anger.
Let go of pride.
When you are bound by nothing
You go beyond sorrow.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

The wise have mastered
Body, word and mind.
They are the true masters.
Buddha
Dhammapada.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
Buddha
Kalama Sutta.

Think: Happy, at rest,
may all beings be happy at heart.
Whatever beings there may be,
weak or strong, without exception,
long, large,
middling, short,
subtle, blatant,
seen & unseen,
near & far,
born & seeking birth:
May all beings be happy at heart.
Buddha
Karaniya Metta Sutta.

Let no one deceive another
or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or irritation
wish for another to suffer.
Buddha
Karaniya Metta Sutta.

As a mother would risk her life
to protect her child, her only child,
even so should one cultivate a limitless heart
with regard to all beings.
With good will for the entire cosmos,
cultivate a limitless heart:
Above, below, & all around,
unobstructed, without hostility or hate.
Whether standing, walking,
sitting, or lying down,
as long as one is alert,
one should be resolved on this mindfulness.
This is called a sublime abiding
here & now.
Buddha
Karaniya Metta Sutta

Funny Company!

2011-01-29T19:00:00.006+08:00

Like every other Saturday, I start my day very early.. I'm usualy awake by 6am. I like staying in bed for at least and hour before making breakfast and drinking my morning coffee, while checking my email and chatting with who ever is on facebook at that time, before getting dressed then going off for therapy.

Azie and I had lunch at Taman Melawati square while waiting for our cars to get washed and vaccumed. Lunch was great, our gossip session was great too. After that we went separate ways. I went to pick my mother up to buy her 4D numbers hope she strike la then I can get more angpows!! While driving Camel calls me
Camel: "Wei cilaka where you going??"
Me : "What??"
Camel: "You just pass by me cilaka where you going?"
Me : "I'm going to pick my mom la.. she needs to buy her 4D number la... cilaka where you going??"
Camel: "What??....I'm goinbg to tapau food la... you go send you mom first la
then call me"
Me : "Ok will see you in a while"

After taking my mom to buy her numbers I sent her home of coz. I called Camel to find out where she was so that I could meet up with her... well turns out she was at our SECRET PLACE!! Ok lah met her there.. couldn't resist the food ordered some for me plus desert samore... ahh the food was fantastic... If a bomb were to fall right next to me I would have died a happy person.... but the thought of me dying together with Camel was a bit scary... can you imagine her screaming "CILAKA YOUUUUUUUUUUUU" hahah...

Anyway we had a good laugh la.. didn't hang out for too long this time.. we were both tired and needed to rest for a while before making plans for the rest of the evening if we have any. Check out the food!! awesome!

A year Older again...

2011-01-29T08:04:00.002+08:00

Almost every year since I first started blogging I've always written something about my birthday... There were some really good ones.. not that many but some quite memorable, but most of the time it was not that great.

This year my birthday fell on a Tuesday. As usual I went to school early got my stuff ready to conduct the class like every other day. All the staff and teachers were nice enough to wish me in the morning when they came to school and it felt great. The day was starting off to be a good one. After taking the children out for playground time, The teachers got all the children to sing "The Birthday song" for me in 4 languages, it was so sweet!... The best part is getting all those little hugs from my students.. I love hugz and it made me very happy!

After school all the children had gone home, the teachers got together to sing for me and Aunty Row coz it's her birthday too. We both had our birthday angpows!! Normally they do a collection for everyones birthday.. We can use that to treat ourselfs to something nice la. I ordered a long black lace dress online from Angie. I'm happy to say my breast fits perfectly in the dress but i think my breast is showing too much.. hahah If I wear that dress out no one will look at me in the eye... I'm sure their eyes will be locked on the clevage. I'm not even sure if I will ever have a chance to even wear that dress out.. oh well...

I came straight home.. cleaned up the place , took a shower, went for 1 hour therapy to overlap Annie then came home again around 6pm. The place was messy again.. so I did more cleaning up... I thought I fix myself a nice dinner... but all my food was gone.. eaten by the hungry muscle man... Anyway, dinner was bread and butter with a hot cup of milo... it use to be comfort food now it's just my everyday dinner!

I logged onto Facebook and it was great to read all the birthday wishes... I was overwelmed. I had a few calls only from my sister and her children, Azie, my brother and Camel... she didn't know it was my birthday so we were talking about something else... thats about it. Everybody else just forgot I guess! like I always say... It's ok!

Anywayyyyyy I kept falling asleep infront of the computer and finally just turned it off and just layed there in the dark thinking about... hmm... well just thinking la! until I fell asleep! That was it! I turned 33 years old and I felt joy and loneliness all in one day... it's going to be an AWESOME 2011.. YEAH!!! *puke*

Facebook friends!

2011-01-26T17:58:00.003+08:00

I LOVE Facebook... not only can I stay connected to family and relatives but I have been reconnected with so many of my long lost friends from the old school days to ex-colleagues and even friends from IRC.

Bozo asked me to join Facebook and as soon as I did she deleted her account... But then Lynette was there constantly asking me to play farm ville and be her neighbor and I did. It was boring at first.. then it was fun.. the game soon got interesting before you know it, I was hooked and was even addicted to it.. It drove me crazy, all I thought about was.. my crops.. is it ready to harvest or not??. I would set the timer and wake up at certain hours to check!! hahah it was insane.. I finally stopped playing and even deleted it because I couldn't stand looking all the gift request and too many farm ville stuff flooding my news feed.

Anyway, as soon as I got my laptop I started reconnecting with my friends and it's been great so far. I like hanging out with them and catch up on things. Life is exciting and fun again. I look forward to seeing my friends and I enjoy their company so much, you cant imagine how happy I am. They fill up that emptiness inside and I don't feel so alone anymore. It's great that I can keep myself updated with whats going on in their daily lives. It's a nice feeling to be part of something or part of someones life. It's nice to talk about the old days and laugh our ass off.

The memories are so precious both new and old... :o)

I've started blogging again.

2011-01-26T15:36:00.011+08:00

A lot has happen in the past year, that has forced me to make some changes in my life. I have left my comfort zone and I am on my own now. I live in a small apartment about 650 to 700 square feet with 2 rooms, a bathroom, kitchen space and a living room. This tiny cosy place is now my humble home..

I don't really open up to people unless I know them well enough to trust them and I have been bottling up a lot of emotions because I have difficulties trying to express myself. Lucky for me I know a few people that I really trust and have open up to. It feels so much better to pour it all out sometimes and seek advise.

I've been married for 3 years now... but my marriage ended before it could even begin. There are ups and downs in every relationship and there is always a way to over come it.. but in my case it was all for the wrong reasons. I rushed into this marriage and it is my own mistake.. I can't blame anyone because I made that decision. The thought of settling down, starting a family and loving one man for the rest of my life probably seemed like a great idea at that time, even when I knew that I wasn't ready for all that. We had nothing in common at all. I did sincerely care and loved him... I was foolish enough to believe that he felt the same way about me too. I found out the truth the most painful way... through private messages and emails. I was referred to as "The Thing"... reading every word was like being stabbed with a knife.. over and over again. I've never been stabbed before but I can imagine it is a painful experience. I soon came to accept my fate and forgave him, what ever that was left of me was already dead anyway. I confronted my husband and he admitted everything. We addressed every issue and came to an agreement... I gave him a second chance! but things were never the same. I did not see him as a husband but more as a friend. I could not love him anymore but I did care because he was my friend! I cared so much that I made compromises and I did the best to my ability to fulfill his needs... meaning cooking, cleaning, laundry, running arrons and providing a comfortable lifestyle. I felt responsible for him and it was wrong of me to let everyone believe that I was happy being married. I have deceived my own family it is something I am not proud of. I will not let it happen again.

I am separated now and will be going through a divorce latest by next year. Why next year?? as a friend I will keep to my promise and help him renew his visa/social pass to secure his stay here in Malaysia for another year, enough time to try and get his business going or what ever. Yes I know I'm an idiot... Unless he gets a job and has his own working permit then he doesn't need me anymore. Actually I'm hoping that my marriage cert could get an nullity .. I am currently seeking legal advise on this matter.

I will write more blogs.. simply because I am comfortable expressing myself here and not many people know I have a blog.. plus it's just boring old me.. nobody cares!

Poems found in toilets...

2009-06-27T06:57:00.001+08:00

Excellent poems by not so famous poets...
found on toilet doors and walls.......

THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND , HOLD IT GENTLY'

A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets,

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls.....

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space.......
(written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson... Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Found school toilet

Come one come all come and see my balls
One big.. one small hanging on the wall

In loving Memory

2009-06-13T14:41:00.004+08:00

Oscar
Born 1st November 2004
Died 14th May 2009, 4.30pm

I miss my puppy so much!! he died of kidney failure.. there was nothing I could have done to save him.Even his blood test result came too late.

He died in my arms.. It was the most painful experience I have ever felt and the saddest day of my life. I had him buried in SPCA. The hardest part was to let go. I cried for days. It was too difficult for me to accept the fact that he is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. These are my favorite pictures of him... may he rest in peace...

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T12:54:00.002+08:00

I didn't go back to Malacca this year. Kasey and I are spending Christmas in KL. No one was available to look after my dog. But I will be going back on the 30th to attend a wedding and come back on the 31st. Anyway I plan to have a small dinner at my place tonight.. nothing fancy, I've only invited Azie, Wan and her son Henry.

To all my friends celebrating Christmas.....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I'm still alive!

2008-12-20T00:11:00.002+08:00

Don't panic mek... I'm still around! I'm just too lazy to blog anymore... But I'm on Tagged most of the time.... check it out!

http://www.tagged.com/ravenmarie78

Last week... sorry I suck at titles!

2008-09-06T00:12:00.011+08:00

The annual concert is over, I can keep my sewing kit and I dont have to see it not for another year. The children did great and as usual my costumes was the best.... muahaha perasan!. My husband did not attend the concert this time... he had trouble sleeping the night before. I did not want to drag him to school coz we were suppose to go to Malacca that afternoon and I wanted him to get enough sleep. Azie also missed it, but it's ok... I'll show her the CD when I get it. I'm so relieved it's over.. after all the hard work, it was all over within a few hours... seriously being The Creative Art Director is not an easy job! It took us weeks to create the backdrop, took us hour to put it up and only took me seconds to tear it down... tsk tsk tsk....

After the concert, I went home and did my last minute arrons and sent Oscar to the Puppy sitters house..heheh he seemed happy there... at least I can go visit my sister and not worry about him being alone.. I know Sharada takes good care of him.. My husband, my mother and I took a slow drive to Malacca.. the jam lasted like 3 hours... it was frustrating at first but Kasey kept me entertained throughout the way, while my mother slept. We went to visit my Aunty before going to my sisters place. As usual the weather there was so hot... my sister really need to consider putting air-condition in her house. Apart from that... it was nice to see them. Jamie looks a bit different, there is still hope of her turning into a real girl, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed... Glenn's voice cracked he sounds like a girl now... hahah, he lost weight, grown taller and finally got some sense of style. Ricky same as usual, whinny, loud and irritating. Jessica remains cute as ever!!! my little mini me.... Jeanette aka Gigimon! she so slimmmmm... so adorable... I swear she looks more and more like Jamie.

Anyway, after 2 hours of our arrival my brother Clifton shows up!! He is assign to work in KL for 3 weeks. He decided to drop by and spend the weekend in Malacca too. It was nice having the whole family together, we stayed up all night talking. I wish we could do it more often, I miss quality time with my family.

The next day there was alot of activities that kept us occupied. We attended a party in the evening and manage to get a glimps of the Merdeka celebration in melaka raya. It took us almost an hour to get out of the jam but it was cool. Clifton drove back to KL that same evening... coz he had to get up early for work the next day. I drove back on Monday... it rained so heavily from Malacca all the way to KL. Seriously, I couldn't see the road... we stopped twice at the rest area. I dont know if any of you notice or not but the toilets at the rest areas are damm clean!.. my mother and I was so impressed with how well the public toilet was maintained... It was sooo clean!! spotless even!!! un like McD's Ayer Keroh... so dirty and smelly, it will make you puke. One thing I hate is dirty public toilets. ughh!

We got home pretty late... I was so tired... all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up like 2 or 3 days later... I wish!!... instead I had to go to the supermarket and buy groceries. By the time I got home I went straight to bed and slept like a baby then woke up feeling like a zombie in the morning... My husband complains that I'm always moody in the morning, I cant help it.. I'm not a morning person.. I hate waking up in the morning!!!
3 months to go before my 1 month break.... cant wait!

Long lost friends.... Found!

2008-08-17T11:42:00.010+08:00

At times I often wondered what happen to some of my old friends .. you know.. people I knew throughout my life. I try my very best to contact them in anyway I can... although I had some pretty bad responds and even no responds at all. I try my best not to take things too personally and I train myself to put things behind and not hold a grudge... seriously it's not worth getting all stressed about. Once it's over ... It's over ok... the next best step is to start fresh!

I've had lots of best friends while growing up. Some of them live too far away, we hardly see each other and there are some friends that just LEAVES!!!.... Anyway, I know they are busy with life, work and family.. I totally understand that, but you know what... it's so nice to know that you still have friends out there.

Two weeks ago, I received an email from Michelle. Her name use to be Diana obviously she changed it, but I still prefer calling her Camel coz thats her choosen name!!.... Anyway, we studied together in secondary school. We were inseparable that is when she was awake...heheheh, in fact.. we were the most coolest people in our own world...hehehe. Michelle had a great personality, she was smart, funny, insane and a clown all rolled into one. We had a lot of fun together and it drove people nuts. Sadly for some unknown reason we went separate ways right after school ended, strange enough we live less then 300m away. I never heard from her for 12 years., so it was really unexpected when I received her email. She wanted to stay in touch, of coz I was over joyed. It felt really great and I am so looking forward to just hang out or just have tea at the usual mamak shop. Michelle called me last Sunday and we chat for a while. She sounds exactly the same from what I can remember... still cussing! She is the only one I know who uses the word "F@#K You" and "Bloody hell" in every sentence when she is pissed:o) no no wait a minute.... everyone I knew spoke like that!!!

Yesterday, when I was doing my gerocery shopping with my mother I stumbled into another old friend.. Wan! I met her when I was 19 years old. I often hang out at the shop near by after work everyday... and opposite the shop was this skinny tom boy working at a construction/renovation company and managing her burger stall at the same time. She seem friendly from where I was sitting. Until one day when I went to the shop to buy the news paper and it was the last Malay Mail there... we both wanted to buy it but I let her have it.. she sat with me at the stair case and was kind enough to share the news paper. We became good friends ever since. Wan also had a great personallity and a very interesting past. She was unusual in her own way but I understod her very well. Then one day she just dissapeared, I was worried if something had happen to her but no one knew where she was.... I really hate it when friends dissapear!!!... Months went by then she called and told me that she moved in with her boyfriend Richard (nice elderly british dude). Once I knew she was ok and well taken cared of... I stopped worrying about her coz I knew she was going to be ok. We kind of lost contact for a while then I called her again to see how she was doing. Wan and Richard settled down and they had a son, Henry. That was the last I heard from her. It was fate that we bumped into each other yeaterday. I usually dont go gerocery shopping on Saturdays, but I felt the need to just go so that I can rest on Sunday for a change. According to Wan, She saw me from the back but wasn't sure it was really me. I turned around immediately recognized her.. she hasn't changed one bit. We exchanged hugs and was really overwelmed. I finally got to meet Henry and he is 9 years old now. He got her looks and he is so handsome. I gave them a lift back to their place arranged to meet up one of these days. It's such a small world.. I can't believe it.

My sister and her family is coming to visit today.. it's the school holidays so they will be here for a week. and there is also a big chance my brother in Singapore is also bringing his family over this week... It's going to be one hell of a reunion and I am looking forward to it. It's been a really good month for me.. things are really going great...

Until my next blog... Adios!

Just updating !

2008-08-16T12:56:00.010+08:00

Nothing has changed much since my last post, it's pretty much the same old thing. Who would have thought a simple wedding can change a tom boy Avril Lavigne teenager into a real girl! It's amazing!! Jamie never worn a dress willingly ever since she was 7 years old.. the only time she did wear a dress is during Christmas and that is only for taking pictures... that's it.. if she has to wear it to step out of the house she would cry! She don't like wearing a dress coz she doesn't like the attention and reaction she gets from her relatives.

Fiona and Bam Bam (Lawrence) got maried on the 2nd of August. Fiona is Jamie's cousin and of coz they wanted her to be their brides maid. On their wedding day.. there were more pictures of Jamie taken then the bride and groom. It's a rare fotage.. seriously... no one has ever seen her in a dress, wearing high heels, got her hair done and with make up! this is how she looks like....

BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!

2008-07-26T01:33:00.001+08:00

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy…
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

Fright of my life!!!

2008-07-05T15:03:00.007+08:00

After coming home from the gym my dog sneaks out from the gate and runs off. I didn't go after him because if I did he will only run further away. Normally he comes home after 5 minutes. Last night he came home crying, I knew something was wrong. I went out to get him and he was injured. The poor dog was limping and couldn't get up, he was having another seizure. I mean Oscar had a seizure once before and it was quite scary, but last night he was bleeding from his mouth. I panicked and started crying. I went into my room to find the number, so that I could call the vet... Oscar followed me to the room and rested on my lap... I checked his whole body to see how bad the injuries were. He had a tear on the left side of his snout, a bruise on his head and both legs... I couldn't stop crying coz I felt so bad for not going after him. He didn't seem to hurt anywhere else, so I figured he must have had a small accident maybe he got hit by a motorcycle. After one hour he was calm and wanted to walk, he didn't seem to be limping anymore and seems to be ok. I was worried about him the whole night, wondering if there were any internal injuries.. but he seems ok throughout the night.

I woke up early this morning and went across the road out of curiosity, there is a deep drain thats all covered up with vines and tree branches. I saw my dogs paw prints all over that area, a huge hole and lots of rambutan skin. Whats really shocking is that I know now what happen to my dog. He was ATTACKED!!.... by monkeys!

I have a rambutan tree growing outside my house and it's baring a lot of fruits. Lately the monkeys had been visiting quite often, littering and eating all the rambutans. I also have a papaya tree with lots of papaya's on it in my garden. The monkeys been trying to get their hands on the fruits for some time now. My dog usually barks at them. Recently one of the monkeys came down the tree and wanted to attack him... I manage to chase it away... it was huge and a nasty one too. Anyway... yesterday when my dog went out, I think he went across the road and may have chased one of those monkeys or WAS chased by the monkeys... he must have accidentally stepped into the bush and fell into the hole. That seems like a logical explanation. That also explains the mud on his fur. As for the seizures .. he must have been scared and he must have struggled trying to get out of the hole... awww... my poor puppy.

I'm just glad he didnt suffer any serious injuries. I'm so relieved he is ok. I learn my lesson to be more careful and not let him run off like that again. I cant imagine how I would react if anything bad happen to him... I'll still take him to the vet on Monday just to be on the safe side...

Snake Charmer!

2008-06-21T11:16:00.003+08:00

This is Jamie... yup my 17 year old niece. As you can see she likes snakes just like me. Beautiful creatures.

Normally during the school holidays she helps out or work part time with the Exotic Reptile crew I forgot what the name of that group is called. Anyway, she likes going on road trips and exhibitions coz she gets to play with the snake. I wish I had the opportunity to do that, it would be like the best job ever... I've been so fascinated with snakes since I was 11 years old, when I held my first Boa Constrictor. I was an experience I can never forget and I fell in love with snakes ever since.

Anyway these pictures were taken quite recently... so cool!

Whats up next?

2008-06-21T10:36:00.006+08:00

It's that time of year again, I have to start preparing my students for the annual concert in August. This year my theme is Aladdin... heheh so cute. The other classes are doing The Bee Movie, Jungle Book, Mulan and Peter Pan. I think this years concert is going to be really interesting.

I went out with the teachers yesterday to buy the materials for the costumes. Each class has about RM400 budget to work with. Lucky for me I bought ready made ones last week. I manage to get 9 suits and 3 pants, now I have to sew the tops for the 3 pants. I bought everything I need and I've already started to work on the costumes. I have less then 2 months to organize the stage props and decorations. It's going to be really stressful.

My next holiday is coming up in July, thats 2 weeks off... but we have one week of summer camp. Some of the teachers are organizing a trip to Bali, 4 of them are confirm going. I'm not going coz of my fear of flying and I cant leave my husband here all alone... he will DIEEEEE!!!. The poor guy will starve to death or he might eat my dog! I can't leave them alone together for too long. They drive me nuts! Anyway, I plan to sit back and relax at home. I dont get that kind of opportunity much anymore so might as well take advantage of it.

Until next time, Adios.

I'm back!

2008-06-01T12:06:00.004+08:00

I haven't posted anything here for quite sometime now.. it's not like I've gone over seas or anything but it has been a very busy month. As usual I've been so caught up with work and my personal life, I cant really find the time to actually sit down, relax and do the things I love to do without someone asking me to do stuff. My daily routine is as crazy as it was before... here is a rough idea what it's like...

5.45am Prepare breakfast and food for my husband
6.15am Shower
6.45am Pack my stuff while watching the Simpsons
7.00am Drive to work
7.30am arive at school and start cleaning the classroom
8.30am Work begins.. 4 hours of madness, unending complains from 4 year olds... etc.
12.45pm Work done!! alleluiaaaaaaaaaaa
1.00pm Lunch
1.30pm Clean up the classroom
2.00pm Go home
2.30pm Home sweet home...
3.00pm Nap time
4.00pm Make a sandwiches for me
43.0pm Go for my therapy session (15 minutes to get there, 15 minutes to get my materials ready, 2 hour session, 30-45 minutes to fill out the report, 15 minutes to get home)
8.00pm Back home again
8.30pm Dinner time
9.00pm Shower
9.30pm Prepare the art stuff for tomorrows class
10.00pm Get in to bed... sleep!

The days when I dont have therapy I normally do my grocery shopping and that normally takes about 2 to 3 hours or so... I spend about RM200 a week.
The only day I have time for my self is Saturday, even that its often interrupted by my mother.. I have to take her to buy her 4D numbers.

Most schools are on their term break now.. I'm still working tho, my school holiday is in July. My sister and her kids are coming on Monday to spend a week here. I'm excited but I feel so tired.. I hope I'm not to tired to entertain them when they get here... I cant take them any where cause I'm still working.

Anyway until the next blog.. Astala vista.

Why can't they make things easier??

2008-03-22T11:40:00.014+08:00

It's nice to have school breaks now and then, thats the best time to relax, get things done and catch up on things... lucky for me this year the school had given a day off for good Friday. I mean thats a nice thought considering that all the staff in my school are catholics. I on the other hand took advantage of this leave to settle my husbands visa.

While everyone went to church, My husband and I spent half the day at the Immigration office. I really hate the long hours of waiting in the cue and waiting for the number to be called. I knew that the trip would take at least 4 hours just to get his social pass to be extended for a few more months. I wanted to extend on a long term basis, it's more convenient for me coz I can't be taking leave every few months to get this done.

We took a taxi to get there, as usual I'm not confident to drive there. We manage to get there by 8.30am. My idea of going there early just to beat the crowd... but I guess everyone else had that same strategy too... The place was packed and we had to cue to get the forms, number and information from the counter. The cue was so freaking long, took us 20 minutes to get there and all the guy did was direct us to counter 5. The officer in charge gave me a bunch of forms.. this is what I got not only that I had to pay RM4 for these forms :-

Declaration from the wife to support the social visit pas application for the Husband
Additional Information about the applicant (husband)
Financial Statement, source of Income and Bank Account balance form.
Declaration from Husband and wife form.
Security Bon
Declaration from Sponsor form.

When I asked the officer in charge how to fill the forms and what are the requirements for the application... She said "Baca .. lepas tu isi borang jer" hmmm ok read and fill the forms... sounds simple right... which idiot cant do that? duhhhh... She then asked me to go down to the ground floor and get 3 Visit Pass Application forms.. Apparently we have to get it from the counter downstairs. Ok fine, We went down to get the form and paid another RM3 for it.. then went back to the 4th floor.. Why do we have to buy these forms?, why did we have to go all they way down to get the other 3 forms? and why are they sold sapperately? jeeesusssss!!!! After going through the forms there were actually more then just reading and filling up... I got help from some people down stairs and they told me that there are other require attached documents ..!!!

They require :-

Bank Statements
3 months Pay slip
Assets
J form
A letter from my employer
Marriage certificate
Birth certificates
Photocopy of I/C and passport
A copy of the payment resit VDR/JP Visa (whatever that is)
A copy of the Deposite resit (what deposite?)
2 passport size photo's of the wife.
3 passport photo's for the Husband.
Wedding picture
Information about witnesses present during our marriage registration.
Proof of employment and source of income statement. (condition salary must be RM2,000 above)

Why do we need to attach our wedding picture for?? isn't our marriage registration certificate sufficient enough???. apperently ur not married until you're not officially married until you get your picture taken.. hehe.. funny!
Ok now... all the information above they didn't tell you to include unless you asked them, at least thats how it seemed to me at the time... THEY JUST EXPECT YOU TO KNOW?.

We wasted 1 hour filling up the forms, going up and down to get people to at least explain to us how to fill up the dam thing.. only to find out that I need all the other attachments as well. When I asked the Officer again, that all this requirements is not stated in the forms... she then noticed she didn't give me the details and instruction forms..bloody hell! All she didn't even apologize or show any professionalism. Of coz with all the attachments I cant submit the forms... to get all those done will take at least a week.

In the end we just filled up 1 form to extend the normal social visit pass. It's bad enough that the place was filled with people and there were not enough chairs to sit on. We waited 4 hours just to get the 2 months extension and paid RM100 for it. To top that off they misspelled his middle name... arghhhhhhhhhh *bangs her head on the counter* I was frustrated and angry.. these people are suppose to know everything about the whole process.. but honestly they dont! It's easier to just cross the Singapore boarder and get an extension of 3 months without paying any fee and the process takes less then 20 minutes, no hassle what so ever.. plus I get to visit my brother and his family in JB. If not because we wanted to apply for a long term pass, I rather not go there at all.

Oh well, looks like there is another trip to JB in the near future.. good excuse to go shopping and buy some gifts for my niece and godson!

Chef Marie Olive Oil... errr???

2008-03-16T01:31:00.007+08:00

My cooking skills seem to have improved ever since I got married... I was from someone who totally depended on my mother to cook dinner for me, order take out when ever I'm hungry and frequent diner at a fast food restaurant on weekends .... I have transformed myself to someone who actually cooks! and if I can do it... trust me anyone can!

The first step is... Get to know your kitchen! get the utensils ready before you start cooking.
Plan your meals or create a menu.
Prepare the ingredients... avoid buying canned foods... go for fresh meat and vegetables.
You need at least 50 grams of protein in every meal... and as much vegetables as you like.
Always taste your food before serving... that way you can correct it if in case its too salty or tasteless.

I mastered those helpful tips... heheh I know my kitchen very well now and it takes 30-45 minutes to prepare a delicious 3 course meal for 3 people. It's not impossible once you get the hang of it...

I use to hate cooking because I don't like touching raw meat, I cant stand the smell of garlic and onions on my fingers.... I hate it when the hot oil sizzles and mess up the stove... and the cleaning up after cooking is not something I like to do. But now I enjoy cooking, It's fun! I don't mind touching raw meat or cleaning a fish coz I know once I'm done cooking it.. It's going to taste great! My mom likes my cooking but she prefer my sisters cooking... yea.. sure... whatever...

I have adapted to a healthy lifestyle. I buy fresh meat and vegetables from the supermarket/market 3 times a week. Eat lots of vegetables (cooked and raw), use olive oil to cook everything. Eat 5 times a day or every 3 hours (I'm still trying to do that.. due to work... I don't have time to eat sometimes .. I'm working on that). I don't mind preparing 5 meals a day, it may sound like it's a lot and time consuming... but actually it's not. It's a perfect healthy and simple meal.

Breakfast-Chicken sandwich
2 slices of wheat bread coated with vegetarian mayonaise, 1 slice cheese, salad, cucumber, tomatoes and 2 slices of Farm fresh sandwich chicken meat.

Snack- Lebanese wrap
Lebanese bread, coated with chili/ketchup, sliced tomatoes, cabbage, 1 slice cheese and 2 sausage. Toast for 4 minutes.

Lunch- Chicken Fillet
chicken breast meat sliced (into strips) and mixed with 1 egg, salt, black pepper, red chili powder and add bread crumbs. Deep fry in vegetable oil until golden brown. Then serve with salad, carrot sticks and cucumber.

Snack- Mix Salad
2 ripe tomatoes (chopped), lemon juice, salt, pepper, balsamic viniger, salad, sliced cucumber, corn, kidney beans (can), shredded mango and prawn meat fried in butter

Dinner- Beef Steak
1 slice of beef 100 grams, marinate with whole grain mustard, lemon zest, 2 tbsp lemon juice, salt, pepper, dark soya sauce, coriander leaves (chopped). Add olive oil into a non-stick pan cook for 3 minutes on each side... add sliced onions and cook for another 2 minutes until meat is cooked. Serve with Sliced tomatoes, Steamed broccoli, chick peas (kacang kuda) and green peas.

or

Dinner- Chicken
1 Chicken breast marinate with black pepper, salt, dry chili powder, mustard, dark soya sauce, light soya sauce, blend garlic. Cook it in olive oil until nicely cooked then remove chicken meat from the pan and put in some dice green/yellow capsicums and dice onions. Serve it with steamed corn and garlic bread.

thats just for 1 day... different recipes everyday. Eat every 3 hours... if you think that its a heavy meal.. then just go for a bowl of fresh garden salad... or fruits... Easy rite? try it!

10 reasons why I think This Channel Sucks!!

2008-03-16T00:40:00.006+08:00

[#klsex] topic- ' Welcome to #klsex Channel management & rule change: NO swearing, repeating, advertising, inviting, bad words , no sex and bad nicks/idents allowed i.e. This is a family oriented channel and NO sexual discussions are allowed.'

hahahhahah hahahahahha hahahahha hahahah hahhahahahahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa..... excuse me!!
Is this some kind of joke?? this is the most ridiculous idea ... who ever came up with this new rule forgot to change one thing... THE NAME OF THE FREAKING CHANNEL!!!!! bravo genius!!!

10. It's a Family oriented channel... this means our parents, grandparents, husband/wife, uncles/aunties, cousins, nieces/nephews all chat here... like we don't get to see each other enough everyday.

9. It's not a place where you can meet new people... just the same people you see everyday...

8. There are no living and thinking op's active in this channel... well there might be a few but they... emmm... they dont really have a brain... so same thing.

7. Cant chat about sex ... (like anyone has ever chat about it in the main before... )

6. You cant say a bad word.. or your parents will find out! you will be banned and disowned by them...

5. You cant have the letter "xXx/xxx" in ur nick you WILL be banned from the channel and not be allowed to chat there ever again.. but it's ok to use nicks like abg_btg_tegang or ONS^guy or HardCoCk, abg8Inch ... Yea sure!! those are nice innocent nicks!!! hmmm I wonder what they mean...

4. No regular chatters! The script Ban real chatters and allow spambots to park in the channel.

3. Out of 100 nicks there are 4 op's (bots) and 96 spambots advertising porn sites.

2. For the 100th time.... It's not a freaking sex channel!!!! it's a family channel called KLSEX!!!! ok! it's all about family!!! got nothing to do with S.E.X! cant you understand???? what gave you the idea that it is??? read the title nicely KLSEX!!!

1. The new slogan...."KLSEX the family chat room.. It's all about Family"

heheh I cant think of anything else... let me know if u got any other reasons why this channel sucks.

do i have to write a title?? gosh I cant come up with one right now... sorry

2008-03-15T23:46:00.006+08:00

I know I haven't been updating my blog, not that it matters coz I don't think anyone reads it, and those who do read it .. I really appreciate it... you guys are sweet! I mean it's not like we get to meet up now and then. It's hard to keep up with whats going on in our everyday life. Like everyone else I do want to share with my friends what goes on in my life. I hardly get a chance to use the computer, it's occupied most of his time. At times when I do get to use the computer, I spend most of my time reading mek, vadai and Lacy's blog... I have so many things to write about but I don't have enough time to do all that. I'm occupied with my work, therapy, running arr ons, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning... at the end of the day I'm so exhausted and I'm normally in bed by 10pm. I'm managing my time a little bit better now... it's kind of the same routine from Monday to Friday. I have more time to myself during the weekends tho, so I'll try to make the best of it.

More pictures!

2008-02-16T12:02:00.011+08:00

This picture was taken before they all went back home.

Oooo Models??? serious looking models...

Happier Models!

Damien.. get out of the wayyyy!!!

Ooo la laaaaa!!! Pretty models!! actually this picture was taken in Malacca! in December.

Jamie saying good bye to cousins
Sabrina and Damien

Awww I love this picture... they are so pretty!

Yup he is cute!

and Notty!

Photo session with uncle Kasey!

awww so loving...

Ops!!! Don't kill her now... I want my stuff back first!

Precious and Darling Sabrina...

Living la vida Ricky... shake your bon bons!

Our Practice daughter, She is not too happy to go home..

Jessica
I want a baby just like her!
my mini me....

Jamie

hmmmm!!!
If she would stop taking all my stuff!!!...
and stop making me buy her stuff!!!
I might want a kid like her too.

CNY Holidays

2008-02-16T10:59:00.021+08:00

It was nice to have the whole family here in KL. We had a great time and the kids really enjoyed themselves. The house was packed with people, each adult had there roles to play. I spent most of my time in the kitchen, cleaning, running arr ons and shopping. Kasey and Clifton were on child care duty, they spent their time taking the kids to the playground, entertaining and keeping them busy. Debra and my mom did most of the cooking. Colin (big brother) disturb and irritate the children most of the time, he usually does that.. thats why we don't give him any responsibilities. Natasha (sister-in-law) looked after baby Jeannette and Damien, those 2 alone is equivalent to 10 kids.

Anyway, I took these pictures from Jamie's phone when the kids were at the playground.

Clifton and his son Damien.

Kasey and Ricky
Guess who is the monkey???

Coach Kasey in action!

Clifton and Jamie
The Child security Force!

The Little Rascals!
Sabrina, Ricky, Jessica

Damien
He is cute but don't let the cuteness fool you. He is a handful.

Glenn on the Superbike, he ain't no speed racer.

He is only 13 years old, and no thats not his bike...
it's MINE!!!!!

Here is Jamie and Oscar.
Oscar didn't want to get out of the car coz he knew they were going out and he wanted to go with them. I finally got out of the car after tempting him with a ball... he got out of the car and chased a kid with another ball... the poor kid freaked out and almost fell in the drain. Jamie just stood there and laughed!!! Oscar only wanted the ball he wasn't interested in the boy but the kid kept running with the ball... and Oscar kept chasing him heheh...
I manage to catch Oscar before he jumped on the kid.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!

2008-02-08T09:03:00.000+08:00

Wishing all my friends who celebrate Chinese New Year..

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!
May the year of the rat bring you good wealth,
prosperity and good health!

Getting older!

2008-02-02T07:28:00.001+08:00

I turned 30 last week... I can't believe it... I'm ancient! heheh... I didn't celebrate it yet... I'm waiting for my brothers and sister to come visit for Chinese New Year... I thought of having a nice family dinner and cut a cake, secret recipe cake preferably "Chocolate Banana Cake" thats my favorite.

emmmm Yummy!!! *drool*

My brother called the other day to wish me and this is how the conversation went....

Marie: Hello!
Clifton: Happy Birthday!!
Marie: Oooo thankkkk you *sounded all happy and excited*
Clifton: So how old are you?
Marie: 30!
Clifton: 30!!!!!!!
Marie: yup!

Clifton: hahhahahah.....hahahahahhahahah.....hahahah...hahhahahahahahhahahahhah.... hahahhahaha......hahahahah ......

(5 minutes later)

Clifton: hahhahahahhah.....hahahahhahahahahahah...hahahahah.....lol
Marie: ARE YOU DONE???????
Clifton: yea... so you're 30! why so old??
Marie: what you mean why so old??? you're 33 this year.. you know!!!
Clifton: SHITT!!!!!!! 33???? when is my birthday???
Marie: Go ask your wife!!!

I tell you this guy drives me nuts sometimes.... my sister and my eldest brother forgot it was my birthday... as usual, they called 2 days later... Azie took Kasey and I out for dinner.. that was nice... we had a good time...

Anyway I gtg... will blog again.... bye!

First week of school!

2008-01-11T16:28:00.001+08:00

I have to admit that the first week of school was not how I expected it to be... Usually I'll at least have one crying child that doesn't want to be in school and wants their mommy. Surprisingly this year I didn't have that child! Most of my students were from the class below mine, and now they have moved up to my class. I guess they are use to coming to school already but the new children seem to have settled pretty good the first day... Amazing!!!

I didn't have any mischievous students this time not like the ones I had last year... they really drove me up the wall, they moved on to the next class and I kind of miss them actually :o(
Oh well it looks like this year I'll be working with a more controlled group of children, looks like its going to be a good year for me :o)

My sisters children are all in school except for GiGimon of coz she still a baby. My brothers daughter is off from school.. she and her brother had this viral fever for 3 days, they went for a Dengue blood test and the results were negative.. thats a good news! I called them last night and they seem to be recovering..

Anyway, The weekend is here... I really need the rest and get off my feet, it feels much better now but the pain is still there. I have to make an appointment for a blood test before I see a specialist about my feet. Hope it turns out ok... my days are numbered I guess... I'm turning 30 soon... dam I feel old! I'm so old I sat behind Jesus in 3rd grade! hehehe... I think I'll celebrate my birthday when my brothers and sister are back in KL with their families for Chinese new year... A small BBQ party should be nice, invite a few friends and close relatives la... keep it simple sit back and relax... sounds good!! see how it goes la... anyway until next time.. adios!

Happy New Year!!!!

2008-01-05T15:58:00.001+08:00

The holidays is almost over for me, past two days I had to go back to school to do some cleaning up and get all my stuff ready for school on Monday. I feel so tired, I didn't get enough sleep for the past month. Due to over shopping and too much walking during the holidays, I'm now having problems with my left foot, I can't stand up or walk for to long. The pain is agonizing. I got some medication from the doctor and It seem to help, the pain is still there but not so bad la. I hope it gets better coz I don't want to see a specialist.... I'm scared!

This year Christmas was a bit different for me and it was a whole new experience for Kasey. The children had a blast, they loved their gifts and we had fun opening all the presents. We had a BBQ dinner for Christmas. We stayed with my sister and her family of 7 + my brother's family of 4 + my mother and older brother. All of us were cramp up in that little house. We managed to sleep when ever we had the chance... somehow we survived!! Our JB trip was not so bad... a bit quiet and more relaxing. We stayed there for 3 days only then drove back to Malacca.

For New Years eve we went to the Portuguese settlement to visit some relatives and see whats hot and happening over there. They always have something planed and usually they throw a great party. This year the portuguese community organized a street party. There were free food and drinks for everybody, there were loud music, people dancing all over the place. The fireworks was amazing. We watched 30 firecracker lit at the stroke of midnight each one was 16 feet long... I can still here the ringing sound in my ear after that experience. An estimate over 5000 people were on the streets that night. It was wild!!! Everybody enjoyed themselves, It was simply great!! I'm actually looking forward for the next New Year's eve party 2009!.. heheheh

Happy New Year to everybody, hope this year will bring lots of good things!!!

Getting ready for the Holidays!

2007-12-21T16:18:00.001+08:00

I dont fancy Christmas but the children love it... Anyway, I think I've finished buying all the Christmas gifts, I hope I didn't leave anyone out. I bought a really nice gift for Azie.. she going to love it! Oh and i bought some Christmas gifts for myself too...heheheheh!!!

Every year, I normally give my nieces and nephews gifts and a small ang pow but this year I gave them an option, they can either keep the cash or go out and buy gifts for their parents and siblings. So instead of spending their ang pow on unnecessary things, they agreed to go shopping. I took each of them out, gave them a budget to spend. They chose presents for their siblings and parents worth a certain amount, then I wrapped the gifts up. The children a quite excited and they cant wait to hand the gifts to each other. Now I have one problem... I don't have enough space in my car to fit all the presents and bring it to Malacca!!!

Today I went shopping a gain for the millionth time! I had to get another gift for Jessica.. It's her 7th birthday TODAY!. My sister is planning to celebrate Jessica's birthday on the 25th and it's going to be a BBQ party. That going to be one hell of a day.. God have mercy!

Anyway as usual I'll leave KL on the 24th morning, drive to Malacca and I'll be there until the 26th. Then 26th Morning myself, Kasey, Colin (my big bro), my mother and Ricky (nephew) will drive back to JB along with my brother and his family. We will be staying at my brothers place until the 30th then drive back to Malacca and spend new year there. We normally go visit my fathers grave site on the 31st December coz it's his birthday. We will be back in KL on the 2nd January 2008.

So in case I forget to update my blog before I leave, I want to wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! muah!!!

Joke

2007-12-06T00:03:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.

Years passed, and it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon. As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were
curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them...... "Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity... you all must use codes to describe your experiences". So, the excited daughters were off.

A week passed. Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. "Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is.
"NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES". Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. "Ah! Here it is!" Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was ... "7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".

hehehehe....

You think you know everything?

2007-03-24T11:37:00.001+08:00

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you? quit looking at your keyboard)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. (hmm lets see... ok i cant think of any for month... orange and arange? kenot ah??? ... silver and quiver?? ahhh forget it)

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (blinks)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. (emm actually everything else grows ... ehem!)

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (heh cool)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (yeah okkkkkk)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Go ahead say a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. (so?)

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is like especially on Mondays)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. (say what?)

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. (are u sure?)

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (everyone knows this)

Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. (and men too! heheh ops!)

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. (either the people in china havent heard of birth control or they just like to cum inside)

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. (clever fellow)

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world. (thats why we must eat more chickens... they are taking over the world!!!)

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men. (well hehehe we only blink twice as much coz we are trying to catch some water fish... or mascara got into our eyes!!)

Now you know everything! (well not really)

Valentines Day!!

2007-02-14T19:42:00.002+08:00

Every year millions of people from all over the world celebrate this one "special" day, expressing them selves to the one they love. Why cant they express themselves every other day?? Now, there are 365 days in a year and these people choose only one day to show how much they love you! Anyway….Everywhere you turn and look there are some kind of advertisement about Valentines day, every time you turn on the TV or radio they talk about Valentines day, Everything on sale is for Valentines day, Every one you encounter will talk about Valentines day, even people go to mamak stalls and order roti canai “I Love You” the tarik “I Love You” Nasi Lemak ala “I Love You” when the pink bill comes with heart shapes drawn on it …in your heart you are really saying “damm it!! I hate you!”… Honestly!! There is no escaping it.

The one that truly loves you expresses him or herself today! Yea like other days they don’t really care and love you enough… today is the day they UNWILLINGLY spend so much money and buy you stuff that cost 30% or maybe 50% more then normal days.. stuff you don’t really need and stuff that is only useful to collect dust … they buy you all these coz everyone else is doing it and they need to do it too.. to make that special someone feel secure, special and loved! I think its stupid that some people spend a lot of money buying cards, flowers, chocolates, gifts and taking you out for expensive dinners just to show you how much they appreciate *remembered it’s valentines day* and love you.

Worst still some people are so competitive *especially girls sorry to say.. but you know it’s true* I know some girls get jealous when their friend receive bigger bouquet of flowers, jewelries and all kinds of fancy gifts from their boyfriends.. and some are very proud when they get all that… they think that everybody else’s boyfriend are cheap! Some girls expect too much *my sympathy goes out to all you guys* some even get into fights or big arguments when the guy is not sentimental or romantic enough, or forget to buy them something worth showing off.... aww come on!! Give them a break… they are just men!!

I personally don’t celebrate Valentines day, I never once did… at one time I actually wanted to know what its like.. but then when I think about it.. it has no significance at all. When I was in my previous company RSM my colleague receive flowers from her boyfriend on valentines day and there was a card attached to it saying “You are like a beautiful red rose.. This is how much your love means to me… Love always” awww so sweetttttt…. She left it in the office… everyday she would look at it and smile.. talk about how great her boyfriend is and all that… well it annoyed almost everyone … anyhow, few days later the flower dies and it’s in the trash can… hmm ok.. I think to myself… “Obviously.. his love didn’t last that long ..heheh ” the rose was beautiful when it was alive… but its dead now.. it’s dry, everything is falling apart, smelly, brown and ugly. How can anyone compare a person to that! Is he trying to tell her that’s what will happen to her over the years?? Hehheh I hope not!! Or else he will be in deep shit!... Does that rose mean beauty of the person or beauty of life?? hmmm if so.. the beauty of a person wont last, neither will their relationship or their life. Well nothing last forever, we all know that… some of us don’t believe that or are in denial.. nobody cares! What last is that very moment in time… what last is your memory.. but I wouldn’t quote that when I reach 70 years old of coz.. I might not remember!

Anyway I would rather say “I love you” to the one I love everyday … Sharing my life and treating him with respect, staying faithful and loyal to him, letting him know how much I appreciate and grateful to have him in my life every now and then.. making every single day a memorable one to cherish for a life time that’s what I would rather do! I want him to be my reason for limping… I mean reason for living…heheheh!

Ok we all know I don’t want roses or any kind of flower to have any significance to how much some one loves me.. it’s the thought that counts..

boyfriend> *comes with a bouquet of roses and says* “This is what my love means to you” *smiles*
Marie> *looks at the flowers* “what the F%#@!??” *wacks boyfriend up with the flowers*
Boyfriend> *comes back with a box of chocolate* “These are for you.. this is what my love means to you” *smiles with thorns and flower petals all over his body*
Marie> *smiles* “oOo for me??” *takes one and eats it* “wtf so bitter??” *accidentally took the dark chocolate* “why you no good son of a B%#@!” *punch his teeth out*

I definitely don’t need any gifts…hmmm

Boyfriend> *walks towards me… smiling with no teeth and carrying a gift* “Here.. a Teddy bear for you my love” *hands trembling*
Marie> *looks at the gift … looks at boyfriend* “aww aaachooooo” *grins*
Boyfriend> *panics*
Marie> *Kicks his balls*

So what I’m saying is… everything else doesn’t matter… valentines day?? Screw it! .. what’s important is you communicate and express yourself well with your love one and enjoy the pleasures of life together... minus the violence of coz...

Ok guys... Jokes on me!

2007-02-11T22:59:00.001+08:00

I’m freaking bored.. I’ve cleared every unwanted stuff that I had… re-arrange everything in the house, cleaned my room, sorted all my documents and reports.. I did everything I could think of doing just to pass the time… Normally I would be glued to the chair and my pc, chatting .. I still go into IRC and chat in KLsex, it’s not like what it use to be but there are more new chatters coming in and the channel is not as dead as most people think it is… it’s quite lively and interesting actually. Anyway I’ve been promoted to SOP after 6 years ..hahah. After last years incident, where my identity, personal information, picture and location was exposed all over IRC *20 channels* I’ve been getting a lot of unwanted attention and even offers to be an Operator (SOP) in a few channels. I turn down the offer of coz maybe next time. I still can’t get rid of the “Most Feared Op in klsex” title thanks to Mike.

For the past 2 months the hot topic in the channel was “My wedding plans” ok not that’s a long story… I’m not even sure how it all started even but it had a lot to do with Kasey mentioning he was my IRC husband and pissing everyone off… Almost everyone I use to chat with is messaging me and asking if its true that I’m getting married… some said they heard I was already married… I did take it as a joke at 1st when people asked me “Are you seriously thinking about getting married??” I didn’t take it seriously, I plyed along and of coz my answer was plain and simple “NO” that answer was to get everyone off my back, so stop asking me but romour still has it that I am getting married.

Anyway I had a good laugh at first but some people are really taking this a bit too hard to accept… hahah I don’t know why… there is that “you broke my heart”, “you never gave me a chance!”, “you sure this guy is the right one for you?”… Now, if Kasey was in the channel.. he would enjoy mentally torturing these people… I can only imagine how much he would rub it in some more… something to do with other guys being jealous.. makes him a happier man I think…hahah. I even have people giving me websites and information on how to go about getting a marriage license and getting registered… hehehe. That was really funny.. if only I log the conversation…

To make things even more complicated then it already is.. I have Commie, Em, BB and Nano constantly reminding me about my wedding plans… very funny you guys!! . *kicks their balls 10 times* I'm not the marrying type!!

2 weeks all in one post!

2007-02-11T11:59:00.001+08:00

I'm too lazy to type anything, I was busy with work as usual. The dinner that I had at my place on Saturday 3rd February didn’t turn out exactly as planned.

I invited 14 people and only 5 came.. Vadai, Lacy, Ant, Azie and Basil…. Amoi went back to Kuantan, Commie and Kalai cancelled last minute, Scud and Warren confirmed earlier that they cant make it.. they had other engagements, Beem was stuck at Batu Caves and Nano couldn’t make it. Other then that well Annie couldn’t make it, she had to baby sit her 5 nieces. My sister and her family came with Shrek (BamBam) and Fiona,… they all surprised me…. I’m happy they came! There were whisky, vodka, beer, red wine and white wine for my guest but unfortunately all the Thanni kaki’s didn’t come..hahah. Soft drinks for me and the non-drinkers. My mother prepared the food.. there were 5 Portuguese dishes served with rice or bread. We had a lot of leftovers but we finished it the next day. So didn’t waste anything. So much for that..heheh. You guys trying to make me angry or something?? well good luck to you...

I sprain my back by lifting the new shelves and cupboards for my classroom took me 3 hours to clean the room, rearrange and bring down the old shelves. But my classroom looks more spacious and colorful now. I was already feeling sick after work.. the weather was too hot and I didn’t drink enough fluids… as soon as I got home I took a shower and went to bed. Azie came over and wanted to hang out for a while so we both went to the mamak, chit-chat and had dinner. We updated each other with the latest gossips and hot stories… heh! It’s a girl thing…

Anyway, the weekend is finally here again and guess.. what??? I’m sick! I hate getting sick… it always makes me feel so depressed. I spent the whole time in bed resting yesterday… I was coughing, my throat hurts, running nose, migraine and down with fever. I didn’t go see the doctor, I just bought some flu medicine from the pharmacy. I had to skip gym too.. poor Azie went by herself. I don’t think I can go today as well, I still haven’t recovered yet. Because I slept so long, I was up all night and I couldn’t sleep… I’m feeling really shitty right now… my whole body is aching… ughh!

My Birthday!

2007-01-25T22:37:00.001+08:00

I just turned 29 years old today… nothing special about it, well at least that’s what I thought!..

The 1st person to wish me was Kevin… he called me at 12 midnight just to wish me. I was sleeping and I had a bad migraine for the past 2 days… Anyway we talked for about 30 minutes.. he went on about his tattoo and some other things which I cant remember because I was too tired and I wanted to sleep so that I don’t end up waking up in the morning still having a migraine. As soon as I got off the phone with him.. I received an sms from Azie... then later part of the day i received more sms from Annie, Vadai, beemboy and my brother… I didn’t have any credits so I didn’t reply the sms until later today.. oo and i had a call from Kalai too... so unexpected!

I woke up and went to work as usual.. thinking that its just another day ... As I walked into the school all the teachers gave me big hugs, kisses and wished me Happy Birthday. During music period, the whole school sang for me *aww so sweet* and through out the day.. I had birthday wishes from all the students and some of the parents too. Which was very nice coz it really made my day. I was conducting my class and one of my students from London who is only temporary here for 1 month came up to me and started a conversation….

Jett: *british accent* Aunty!! Is it really your birthday?.
Marie: Yes it is!
Jett: *british accent* But where is your cake?
Marie: I’ll buy 1 tomorrow.
Jett: *british accent* But your birthday is today
Marie: Yes but I was too busy to go and buy a cake today.. I’ll bring one tomorrow ok!
Jett: *british accent* ahh thats lovely... will you share it with me?
Marie: Of coz.. the whole school can have some too...
Jett: *british accent* Aunty…. How old are you now?
Marie: I’m 29 years old
Jett: *british accent* Wow…. You’re really old!
Marie: Yes, I know
Jett: *british accent* Aunty!!
Marie: Yes Jett?
Jett: *british accent* I don’t want you to die!!
Marie: What made you think that I was going to die?
Jett: *british accent* well my dad said sometimes people grow old and they die…
Marie: I’m not that old Jett, don’t worry I wont die, I’ll still be here tomorrow and the day after that and many more years to come… ok?
Jett: *british accent* ahh great!! Then I can get you a present tomorrow…
Marie: so sweet of you… Thanks!

Heheh.. children these days… they get the impression that once you get older it means your 1 step closer to the grave..hheeheh.. so cute!

The teachers made a collection… they asked me what I wanted so I requested for an oven toaster… Great!.. now I can toast stuff.. *toast anything and everything she can think of* Jamie and Jessica will enjoy my gift more then me … since they making bread pizza, in fact they are the ones responsible for breaking the last toaster I had and the one before that too!. I shared my birthday with another teacher, she decided to give a lunch treat today and I’ve decided to do mine on Monday. My mother decided to sponsor the lunch and cook a few dishes.

My day went on rather well, I had a salary increment and I’m very happy about it… now I have more money to spend! Heh yea rite… All my money are for my bills and credit card *rolls her eyes* . Anyway, after school I came home chat online with Kasey for a while and to my surprise the whole channel knew it was my birthday… wow I must be very popular! It was nice and I had a fun time online. I went for my therapy session with Riz, had some new programs reviewed but luckily he didn’t throw any tantrums today… everything went well. I didn’t do anything special at home, no cake, no favorite food or any surprise guess waiting for me… in fact it was just a normal day.

Azie and Basil is taking me out for dinner tomorrow night , I’m not sure where we are going but I was told to get ready at 8pm! *salutes Yes Sir!!*…. Since Vadai and Chris been asking when I’m going to have a party so that they can eat my mothers food, I’ve decided to have it on the 3rd of February… yet to confirm of coz have to see if everyone is free on that day!

Sadly my bf cant join *sob sob*

Doctors and Medicine

2007-01-23T01:17:00.002+08:00

Ok not many people know this about me.. but I’m actually terrified of doctors! Yes!! Im freaking terrified of them!!! I don’t mind being friends or dating them heheh… but .. Hell I wouldn’t want to go see them if I need medical attention.. normally that would be the last thing I do. If I get sick I’ll wait and see if I can get better on my own …

I’m not really sure if it’s a phobia or it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Well I have had a few bad encounters with doctors before.. and the dentist… ooo the dentist.. I wont even go into that story… , Anyway, I hate medicine especially pills and I CANT stand pain. When ever I get sick… I can be the most difficult person to deal with.. I would normally refuseeeeeeee to see a doctor no matter how bad it was. A few times my mother or my sister had to call some of my friends or ex-boyfriend to talk me into going to the clinic… I get even more sick when I think about seeing a doctor… I normally tell people I went to the clinic but I didn’t… yes.. I lied each time people ask me “Did u see a doctor?”

Here is why I avoid going to the Clinic…
There is always a doctor there!! Duh!!!
The doctors always… I mean ALWAYS gives me an injection on my butt cheek… why me?? Why always on my butt cheek????? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???
They prescribe medicine and I hate medicine… and I have to make sure I finish them. Which I normally don’t.
I’ts freaking expensive! And why would I want to waste my money seeing a doctor when I don’t even take his advise or take my medications.

The problem is… I can never take pills without throwing up all over the place… I hate that the most… I really can’t stand it. Each time I throw up I feel like I’m going to die. The pill will never go down!!! Sometimes before trying to attempt to swallow a pill I would take at least 10 to 15 minutes holding the pill and trying to tell myself “ it’s ok… everything is going to be alright” well it never works anyway… I tried smashing the pill into a powder form and mixing it with water or juice… but the taste alone will make me throw up again… *ughh* I must admit that I have been cheating myself… I’ve flushed down antibiotics… hidden them in the trash.. purposely drop them some where and even got a secret hiding place where I hide most of it since I was a child. *wont tell where the hiding place is*

Now lets see… my medical history… I had all the common illnesses as a child and chicken pox 3 times (age 12, 15 and 18). I had an accident when I was 7 years old.. got run over by a motorcycle.. I only suffered the pains when I was 12 years old. My Aunty *my boss* took me to see a doctor and she made an appointment for me to go take an X-ray.. I freaked out and got sick after the x-ray. I went back to the doctor with my x-ray the next day and found out that I actually have hairline fractures on my ribs the tiny bones sticking out, is the one that was causing me all the pain, sometimes small bruises appear all over my body. There was nothing that the doctors can do, accept hope that my ribs will heal itself… I remember the exact words “some pain we just have to live with” of coz she gave me some painkillers but I never took them. Hmm what else…. Oh yeah.. I have a weak back, sinus, migraine and tonsillitis and I'm dying... ok just kidding...

Ok I was referred to a chiropractor by my previous company.. but I never called or made the appointment to see him. I had serious migraine attacks for years, the doctor that was treating me recommended that I see a neurologist .. After he explained what test will be done.. I said “Adios amigos.. I’m out of here!!” I never went to see the neurologist again!. The ENT specialist advised me to get my tonsil removed but I was too scared that it would be a painful procedure so I never took his advise. Oh yea, and my stomach problems… I often had those.. very bad ones in fact.. every one kept pestering me to get a scope done .. go see a doctor.. do something about it.. etc. etc. etc.... *ignored those people* but I later found out that it wasn’t my stomach… I was actually wheat intolerant! So that problem solved!! As long as I don’t eat anything that contains wheat in it… I’ll be fine. Goodbye maggie mee... astalavista whole wheat bread... but I will NOT give up pasta!! even if it kills me....

Recently I was advised that I needed to take some health supplements/ multivitamins. Well after considering that it was for my on good I went to the pharmacy and got some. The 1st thing that went through my mind was “ how the hell am I going to swallow this pill?” unfortunately I said it out loud and the sales girl heard me.. she said “You want in liquid form?” heh.. I told her no.. I rather not taste it… I’ll stick to the pills. Now I’m 28 years old turning 29 very soon…. well actually another 2 days to be exact.. Anyway, I never took any multivitamins before.. so I look at the tablet and I keep thinking… “how am I going to get this down??” I broke it into half.. and it still look big… I broke it into 4 portions… and couldn’t break it anymore… I took a piece of banana and swallowed it bit by bit. After 1 month I can now take have a pill without a banana.. hah! There’s progress!!! But I always have something sweet to kill the taste in case I feel like vomiting.

Ok since I started going to the gym again.. and this time being more serious with my workout and actually carrying weights, I am now on a high protein diet.. so have to make sure I get enough protein .. got some other vitamins from GNC too.

Now I’m suppose to take this multi vitamin twice a day, one after breakfast and one in the afternoon. I tried that today.. it took me 5 minutes to actually pop it into my mouth.. I quickly drank water and tried to swallow it.. but the capsule just floated in my mouth and I almost choked on it… ok fine!!! Try again for the 2nd time…. I pop it back into my mouth and drank some more water… it went down… Yay!!! But it came back out immediately… god!! I felt like dying… I washed the capsule.. it was all soft and sticky.. I popped it in my mouth again and just drank my water … I kept on drinking until I forgot about the pill… finally it went down! Hoorayyyyyyyy!!! I felt like I just given birth… after that I had something to eat and I was ok…. 2nd pill was easy.. I already know if I drown myself by drinking water the pill will eventually go down… so that’s what I did… I got my water bottle ready .. I have 1000ml of water… nothing can go wrong now… pop 1 capsule in my mouth and just drank the water… I was like I was in a water drinking competition… I almost finished all of it… and manage to get it down… by the time I was done.. I felt so full I wasn’t hungry anymore… drats!! I ate half my lunch… oh well… I’ll just have to get use to taking pills… I don’t know why it keeps coming out.. I hate when that happens. Now I have to go through the same shit again tomorrow.. somebody just kill me!

blog update!

2007-01-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

Hmm where shall I start? ….

Oscar as everyone knows is very active and smart dog. Last Friday my heart almost broke into pieces when I saw him collapsing and loosing control over his body. He was having a seizure, his legs and body curled up and it scared the freaking life out of me… he started throwing up and drooling. I almost cried because I couldn’t do anything but comfort him and help him to calm down. I stayed up all night watching over him… he had it twice that night. I felt so sad to see him like that.. my mother and I was so worried about him. We though he was going to die, I'm so scared to loose him. I called my friend who is a Veterinarian… he said that it is likely that my dog has epilepsy and he has to be treated for it. He advised me to get some test done.... Oscar is ok now.. back to his usual self but I will be taking him to see a veterinarian soon. I really don’t want this to happen again… cant bare to see him go through that again.

Phillip Wain… Yes! I renewed my membership and I have a target to reach this year… no more fooling around and doing casual exercises… it’s weight training time!! I kind of like it actually… but the following day is terrible… my whole body aches. Azie made a bet with Vadai so that means she has to work extra hard. She is very motivated and is going to win the bet… so Vadai be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!.. After 1 year of going there we just found out that there is a special parking rate for members at PW at RM1 only.. being idots… Azie and I have been parking outside and paying RM2.70 per entry and sometimes RM4.20 per entry even.. God Dammit!!! how the hell are we suppose to know… no one told us!!!! We found out from the Yoga instructor…

Victoria Secret.. 90% sale!!!! This is NUTS!!!! Azie and I spent hours at Complex Antarabangsa looking for bra’s!!! there were so many.. every thing is mixed up so we had to look for it ourselves, not many colours or designs to choose from coz most of the nice ones were taken already but still I manage to buy 4 on Saturday and Azie got 2. We went back there again on Sunday morning coz it was the last day of the sale. I bought 3 more bra's and Azie bought 3 also… the price was so reasonable RM15 each!! Wow !! what a deal! Azie bought the exact bra worth RM140 and they were selling it for RM15??? This is madness!! I love my new bra’s!! They have this kind of sale every few months so I gave the organizers my name and number.. they will inform me for the next sale. The bra's fit perfectly.. I took some pictures of me wearing them but hell I’m not going to post it here!!

New Year!

2007-01-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

Ok so it’s 2007 already… it’s a bit too late for me to wish everyone Happy New Year… but just for the sake of wishing.. Hey!!! Happy New Year!! *goofy voice “Nobody Cares!”*.

Christmas came and went, I had a good time.. it was nice to spend time with my family. For those who don’t know… I actually HATE Christmas.. why? Well I always end up spending a lot of money leaving me with nothing at all when Christmas is over and other personal reasons that no one has to knoe about.

There is always more work for me to do and I end up not getting enough rest while everyone else is having a jolly good time. I spent days sewing curtains, cushion covers .. for my house, my sisters house and my brothers house and some how every year someone will always ruin, disappoint or annoy me during this time. I didn’t have an internet connection and there were no cyber café near by… I was so bored and I miss chatting with my friends!

Kevin came to Malacca to get a tattoo done, As soon as he arrived I took him to see Pio. I knew Pio since I was 8 years old.. he was a good friend of my brother.. we all grew up together. He is quite a good tattoo artist and very talented. Kevin wanted to have a Harley Davidson engine tattooed on his right arm… I got him the picture and emailed it to him.. but he forgot to bring the bloody picture that I sent him instead he brought a picture in a magazine.. which is not clear. I convinced Kevin to choose another design and get the tattoo done. He took 2 hours to go through all the designs, finally he found one.. “The Grim Ripper” he agreed to do it… it was a big tattoo that covered his whole left arm. It took Pio 4 hours to complete the tattoo but it turned out VERY NICE!! The tattoo would have cost Kevin close to RM1000 but because he was a friend of mine.. Pio only charged him RM500… pretty good deal eh?? YUP! Freaking good deal… Pio wanted to do a tattoo for me… I could choose anything I want and it would be for free… but I’m not about to torture myself and go through the pain again… I took a rain check on this offer… maybe next time.. maybe NEVER! Pio also offered to do a tattoo for both of my brothers… a really big one that will cover their back… also for FREE! My brothers are considering the offer… and most likely they are going for it!

The weekend is here and so is Cleo.. that means there wont be much sleep for me. Tomorrow we are heading to he club and party with the gang. Hopefully I can sleep through Sunday. For one whole month being glued to the PC and sleeping less then 3 hours a day was pure madness!! I have to start drinking coffee again.. that’s the only thing that can help me relax… that’s the only way I’ll sleep through the night. I just had a cup of strong black coffee *yum* I’m off to bed now…*feeling sleepy* Time to go to dream land… Adios *zZzzZzzzz*

Christmas

2006-12-21T10:42:00.001+08:00

Well it's that time of year again. I'll be away for 8 days starting from the 23rd to the 31st of December. This year my family will be celebrating Christmas in Malacca at my sisters place. As usual on the eve of christmas we normally have a BBQ dinner and off to church for the midnight mass which I hardly attend at all.

Anyway, I went shopping 5 times and I still havent bought any christmas presents for my neices and nephews yet... It's not like I couldnt find any it's just that i keep buying stuff for myself..hahah. Oh well i think they would prefer getting an "ang pow" so they can buy something they like. I've been pretty busy these past few weeks... sewing curtains, sewing new covers for my sofa, shopping, cleaning the house.. etc etc.

This year I'm taking Oscar to Malacca... he will be staying at Bam Bam's pet shop most of the time... if he can behave then he can stay at my sisters place. I have to go to the Vet today and get some pill's for Oscar.. he get's car sick so to make traveling easier for him I got to nuke him.
Besides Glenn will be sitting at the back seat with Oscar... I'm sure he will be fine.

My mother has so many things to take back to Malacca... I really dont know how I'm suppose fit everything into the car... I should be driving a truck with the amount of things she has. God it's like this every year... sometimes I feel like Malacca has no supermarker or shops that my mother has to buy everything here and transport it back to Malacca.. things like coffee, sugar, milk, can food, meat, 10kg rice, fruits, vegetables... whyy???? why me??????

I really need to start packing my stuff... normally I would pack 1 week head if I'm going anywhere... Guess I'm not that excited to go back... I wont have a computer for 8 days and I'm going to miss chatting and playing games!

Anyway ,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

OSCAR!!!

2006-12-12T23:43:00.001+08:00

see the Spitz and Retriever mix??

I finally got pics of Oscar and me... here he is!!

Not a good day in school!

2006-12-01T23:11:00.001+08:00

I went to school today and just like every other day I was the first one there. But today was a bit different. I didn’t drive to work... since my sister and her family is down in KL my brother in law dropped me off and sent my car for servicing. School normally starts at 8am, the other teachers comes in before 7.45am but I’m always there by 7.10 am. As usual… I open the locks, all the doors and windows downstairs.. boil some water to make coffee, toasted my bread and waited for the other teachers to come. That’s my daily routine.

When the maid arrived and noticed the air-con casing at the back…with all the cables cut, she asked me if it was ok to throw those things away. When I saw it, I knew something was not right. I looked up and I noticed the air-con was removed. I didn’t want to go back inside, I was scared to go upstairs to check if everything was ok.. I was scared if there might be someone still inside. I went up still… I checked all the rooms and only one was in a mess. I noticed the 2 air-cons were removed and the radio was gone too.

The rest of the teachers arrived around 7.30am. We checked every where, there were other things missing too other then the 2 old air-con, radio and a ladder. How ever the thief’s forgot to take the TV, VCD player, DVD player, Stereo, 3 other brand new Air-cons. Weird isn’t it?... they had way in.. And yet didn’t take anything useful!

Anyhow, we suspect it was the 2 Indonesian workers that did a paint job for the school about 2 months ago. They could have duplicated the keys to the school that was hanging on the wall. Other then the teachers the 2 workers knew were the keys to the emergency exit door was, coz they opened the door when they were painting the rooms. They found the key that was placed next to the emergency exit. They must have made a duplicate key of that too.

They must have come in from the back.. where the playground was, they dug a whole and cut the fences. They had the keys to open the locks… then walked through the front door and came out the same way and locked the doors! I didn’t notice anything different when I came in… the doors were all locked and there were no signs of a break in. I’m terrified because I’m normally the first one to arrive and opens up the school, everybody else comes in after 20 minutes. This month alone there were cases where some of the locks were opened… we though the maid forgot to lock them but she claims she did. This thing has been playing in my mind for some time… I don’t think I want to come to school so early anymore!

These Mean Girls

2006-11-25T18:56:00.001+08:00

My mind is a bit disturbed, I’ve accidentally triggered a few of my bad memories today. I though I express myself here since I’m not that open to talk about it to anyone.

Well, for as long as I can remember I never got along very well with other girls. I’m just not as competitive as they are.. which always puts me in the loosing end, especially when it comes to Guys!. I'm sure everyone has encountered "These Mean girls " before.

I’ve always got along better with boys because of common interest I suppose and somehow I always get the guy that other girls want. It’s very taxing actually… especially if I happen to like the person.. that’s the hardest part!.

I can safely say 3 out of 10 of my ex-bf's were actually sincere to me!. I don’t blame my ex-bf’s for going after these beautiful girls.. Men are human too! But being human shouldn’t always be the excuse why people cheat on their partners. I admit I don’t defend or stand up for myself. I am more likely to give up the guy then keep him.. if he desires her more of coz.

I may not have the looks or figure of a supermodel.. I just have an interesting personality that’s all. So basically I wouldn’t compete with looks!. I’m not the type that likes to play all these foolish games. I’m not like them… who go through certain extend to stir things up for fun, to make themselves feel proud.. that with their looks they can make anyone go head over heels for them. I’m not willing to put myself in that position where he will have to choose her or me. I do respect my ex-bf's up to certain extend and I still do. It’s so happen that “ These mean girls” can never leave me alone even if they already got what they were after. Gosh get a life will you!

Look you want him.. take him.. see if I care!!

My personality according to the italian horoscope...

2006-11-24T20:52:00.000+08:00

Group E5 (date of birth 25th)

You are found to be a person who loves to love. (True)
You prefer emotional decision more then mantel decisions. (Not True... I try u know!!)
You consider life just to enjoy ( yes thats 1 of it)
You are the one who is perfect to call FLURTIES ( heh... you think so?)
You love to increase the list of your friends and beloved???s. (What is that suppose to mean?)
You have a number of dreams but you never work hard to make your dreams come true which is the biggest drawback in your nature you take everything much lightly. (True)

(conclusion... It's ok to trust the Italians and not the French!)

my personality according to date of birth January 25th to February 3rd

2006-11-24T20:39:00.000+08:00

You are always trying your best in everything (True)
Like to help and care for other people ( Yup.. it's my nature..heheh)
But you are not easily satisfied (hmm depends)
You have negative thoughts (crap.. I never think negative thoughts)
You look for romantic love like in a fairytale (bloody hell... no I dont!)

My personality By month... January?

2006-11-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

Ambitious and serious (True)
Loves to teach and be taught (True.. after all I am a teacher! duh!)
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses (heheh no comment)
Likes to criticize (maybe)
Hardworking and productive (Yes! Yes! of coz it's True!)
Smart, neat and organised (pat my own back on this one) *winks*
Sensitive and has deep thoughts (Sad But True- Metallica song)
Knows how to make others happy (blush... True)
Quiet unless excited or tensed (very True)
Rather reserved (eh?) Highly attentive (Yes)
Resistant to illnesses (I hope so!) but prone to colds (True)
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love (True)
Loves children (Yup.. got to have some of my own some day.. ok ok at least 2 if it's not too much to ask for)
Homely person (Not!!!!)
Loyal (Indeed I am)
Needs to improve social abilities (what the fuck????)
Easily jealous (Denial)

YES! My name begins with M!

2006-11-24T18:01:00.001+08:00

Does your name begin with: M?

You may appear innocent(True..ehheh),
unassuming and shy(also True);
but we know that appearances can lie. (damm you're good...True)
When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. (oOo really? must be true!!)
You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. (WHAT?? .. err I guess so.. I'm so confused!)
You can be highly critical of your mate, seeking perfection in both of you. (no comment)
It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. (True... there was someone... but he dissapeared... I didn't kill him.. seriously... it wasn't me!!)
You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. (True.. spot on!)
You are often selfish (SOOOO NOT TRUE)
You always think you are right no matter what. (in Denial)
You never give in. (not true!!...I give in all the time!!!)
Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. (lottery or Jackpot.. Yes!)
You often forget friends and family (Bullshit! I never forget!... I havent forgotten a single soul)
and you live for the moment. (True)

Question!

2006-11-24T01:50:00.001+08:00

What do a women want? and What do men want? That was one of the topic that was discuss in IRC today I was daring enough to say “ A women want a men who can provide security, empty promises, false hope, love and romance” not something that people can swallow but that’s basically true..

We’ve all heard the joke What men want? “Men want sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex and sex!” hahah which most of them will admit it’s true…hahah. God created man and women to be equals! Yea rite… in my opinion god created us equally insecure! Hehehe.. You can’t live with them and you cant live with out them.

In reality people don’t keep promises… promises are meant to be broken and it’s made to give a person a sense of security. It’s easier to hurt the ones you love.. because they are more forgiving no matter what… they still love you!. But why make promises in the first place if we know we cant keep?

Why do we want false hope? Well, it’s simply an excuse to prolong a relationship with someone that we actually like. We hope because we fear. We fears if the feelings is not mutual so we hope and believe it is mutual… in other case we are in deniel!. Some people are genuine but most people are not. We continue to hope for no particular reason and eventually it will drive us crazy in the end. But that’s ok because sometimes it turns out exactly what we hope for :o)

Love and romance? Who doesn’t want that in their lives? It’s nice to love and be loved, it’s even a greater feeling to be in love with some one who is in love with you. Everybody wants to hear those 3 words, even if it is said in vain. There is no real definition for “Love” we all have our own perception of it. We’ll know when we actually find our match. We’ll know after 50 years of marriage and we are still holding hands when we go out and still enjoy our company together… we’ll know that it’s true love! But some of us... I mean me... well I'm afraid to love someone... I cant stand the thought of someone leaving me... it's ok if I leave them la.. but not if they leave me....

As a woman.. what do I want? Well… I want sincerity because I trust people easily, I’m straight forward and I’m honest. I think if I’m going to build a foundation in a relationship I would want it to be based on Sincerity, trust and understanding! Fair enough right?

What do you want?